Am I an Ass?

No I don't The Truth! My comment is to ookaak. He may have not considered her state of mind which makes your comment to me totally irrelevant....

I was working on the impression that people know that people act in the way do to there personality, a personality trait like having low self esteem ie depression for example, thought it would be obvious that people dont just do things randomly and he would of realised this. No offence intended Kitty..

No offence taken mate. I know what you are meaning but it doesn't come across like that in his post. I do think he may not have considered it, and that may then have a different consequence on the action he takes, if any.

I see what u mean Kitty and you are probably right...

Pastafarian


I think she having you over and she fullys knows this,deffo not on.

IMO/IME that part is probably not true.Some women (probably some men too, but Ive never lived with one so cant say) are remarkably good at convincing themselves of their own argumen.
 
In fact MOST people dont like to be unfair/unreasonable, and so will often convince themselves that a situation is fair and their behaviour is reasonable even when it clearly isnt.
 
So there's a decent chance your mrs is quite convinced that her contribution during the day is a whole lot bigger than you think it is, and yours when you get home is a whole lot smaller and will therefore fight back quite bitterly if she feels you're accusing her of being lazy or that you could do better in her shoes.
 
So tread carefully how you approach it... thres a risk of her simply digging her heels in, and you being in exactly the same situation only now with a huge on-going row on top...  that said, it doesw sound like it needs dealing with TBH... let someone take the p*ss for too long it and simply becomes 'the way things are' and ten VERY hard to challenge or change

drab4

Desmo


Earnings shouldn't come in to it all, it's all about the time available. If she has far more time then she should be doing more to run the house.

Ditto

If she's not even doing basic tydying up after herself then she's turning into a slob, that won't be good for her in the end let alone anyone else. Live in sh't, feel like sh't

Don't put it to her that way mind - avoid the use of the word slob lol

 
Despite my earlier post I do agree with this. I mentioned earnings because, its relevant to the amount of extra time my day is compared to hers.
 
Re your missus, as Kitty says there may well be an underlining issue here, certainly sounds like it.
 
Your "4 times as long" comment made me chuckle, thats what I say to my wife when I do do housework. She says thats because she does it properly !

 Relationships are not like other contracts ! they don't HAVE to be fair in terms of equality  - in fact I'd say one of the most important things in relationship is being able to appreciate and accept each other shortcomings in various areas and not require them to be accounted for in even in lieu !!  In fact I go as far as to say if a couple find themselves doing this , then the relationship is probably in trouble.  
     I know of perfectly happy couples where one partner does pretty much everything and the other is virtually just a source of entertainment,  is it "fair" in terms of workload ?  NO of course not  .....Does it work ? YES !  In fact I some of the ones I know find the fact the fact that they have to run around after their partner endearing !   
         That is the difference between two people sharing a house and true soul mates. 
     Thats not to say if a partner does nothing, the other partner should just lump it.  I am saying the other partner simply should look into their heart and decide if it is a problem or not , they are the ONLY one who can (In this case the OP certainly sounds like he is not happy)   
 
     Not nearly as straightforward as many will have you believe IMO 

I can sympathise with you. I also work full time and my girlfriend part-time,we have a 15 month old son. I also do the majority of the housework as i cannot stand mess. My girlfriend is very laid back compared to me  and it has led to me having a go. I think you and me are entitled speak up and you are right to raise it. The little un is hard work for her but we live near her family so she has lots of help. It's a pain in the backside cos every few months i end up mentionong it and she usually takes the huff, tough sh*t ! Just this morning while i was running around getting ready for work ( shower,breakfast,ironing,food for the day) she was curled up on the sofa in a blanket and asked me to change his nappy - I was like get stuffed,she was like really ? i then had to point out the obvious of me running around doing my list of tasks.

kitty


Have you considered sh could have depression? If you're saying it takes her up to 4 times as long as you to do something, doesn't sound right to me. Please don't be too quick to judge until you've checked things.

She may have depression (i hope she doesnt) and antony worrall thompson may be a klepto, on the other hand she may be a lazy sod and him a thieving get !

Doesn't matter how much you earn or how many hours you work, people should pick up their own dirty clothes, put the milk away after they've used it, put their own rubbish in the bin etc. Other bigger chores are more negotiable, but the little things are common courtesy. Of course my husband will not see a problem with his empty crisp bag on the sofa for 2 days, whereas it will annoy me within about 10 minutes and I will have to tidy it, but I'm quite sure he would do it himself...eventually! 

dont tidy HER mess up for a bit, do your own and your child's but leave her stuff as she left it. She will notice when she has no clean clothes etc. 

No you're not being an Ass, nor are you being un-reasonable!!

I don't think your being unreasonable at all.

A successful relationship requires consideration from both parties but also a bit of give and take. It sounds like it seems more give and less take.

she may well be too messy / lazy , and not in the habit of tidying as she goes along, but looking after  2 year old all day is FAR harder than going to the office. They create an unbelievable amount of mess and are emotionally draining. there is no lunchbreak. there is no 5 minutes peace and quiet.  it doesnt end..ever....
 
the reason the child is so good with you on saturdays is because its a novelty.
 
im not saying she doesnt need to brush up a bit but it is no easy job being a mum and i think if this was posted on a mums forum, the reaction would be quite different

gymbabeliz


she may well be too messy / lazy , and not in the habit of tidying as she goes along, but looking after  2 year old all day is FAR harder than going to the office. They create an unbelievable amount of mess and are emotionally draining. there is no lunchbreak. there is no 5 minutes peace and quiet.  it doesnt end..ever....

the reason the child is so good with you on saturdays is because its a novelty.

im not saying she doesnt need to brush up a bit but it is no easy job being a mum and i think if this was posted on a mums forum, the reaction would be quite different

This is true IMO.
 
I know many people who would rather go to work than saty at home and look after the children. Love doesnt come imto it. the fact is children are VERY draining.
 
If she isnt doing the basics of picking up after her self (ie putting the milk back in the fridge etc), then that IS too far IMO and needs to be discussed.
 
Dont expect a rational discussion though. I am genuinely serious when I say I have found women to be far more irrational about things like this.
 
For me, it comes down to respect NOT love. If you feel your GF doesnt respect you, then you need to have a serious conversation.
 
BUT do take into account the child care factor.
 
tbip2001

for me, i have always been messy, tidying up after myself doesnt come naturally to me! Add in a child and tons of laundry and it can become overwhelming!  I just about manage damage limitation as far as the child goes. If you are a neat freak and she is messy this is going to be difficult.  My husband isnt a neat freak but he has gradually trained me to be a little tider with my own stuff that are his bugbears (i.e shoes in the lounge)  I am training him gradually with his stuff (i.e dirty clothes NEXT to the washing basket)  Accusations and getting angry are not really going to help!
 
i strongly recommend getting a dishwasher if you dont have one already.

i would be lost without my cleaner 
she is a life saver :)

tac

... let someone take the p*ss for too long it and simply becomes 'the way things are' and ten VERY hard to challenge or change

This. Its like anything. Look back at your relationship and living together. If its always been this way then trying to change it will be pretty difficult. Also if you now tell someone to do something, there reflex is to not do it. I understand there was an argument made about looking after a kid etc. However was she like this before you had your daughter? if so then having a child isnt a valid reason to pretty much be a 'lazy git'. 
 
Hope it works out for you mate, its not an easy discussion to have, even though it seems quite petty.