Am I an Ass?

Okay so I had a go at my Mrs the other day as the house was a mess..............She is not pleased!!!
 
Details:
 
I work over 12 hours a day, I pay the mortgage, the insurance, and all the bills including food. She works part time, in the run up to the event she worked 4 hours in 3 days. We have a daughter of 2 but she is a dream when I have her on my own on Saturday's (Mrs works every other Sat) she is up, bathed, fed and the house cleaned by 9am. 
 
I don't expect her to clean just pick up after herself i.e put milk back in fridge, put dishes in dishwasher and put her dirty clothes in the wash bin maybe even turn the washing machine or dishwasher on once in a while.
 
So after working a 60 hour plus week I end up having to tidy up after her and clean up and its p1ss1ng me off!!
 
Question is she says im being unreasonable and i said there is no way I am!

You,re not being unreasonable mate.....................but it is a fact that blokes are far superior at running an efficient household than women are, so it comes as no suprise that you are in the same situation as myself! 

I think she having you over and she fullys knows this,deffo not on.

Seems reasonable, based on what you're telling us.

Seems perfectly reasonable.
 
My working day (including commute) is 5 hrs a day more than my wife, I earn significantly more, ergo my wife does the majority of chores.
 
If it was the other way round that would be fine as well, but its not.

seems fair, you cant do everything

I split up with the mother of my daughter over this sort of thing, 5 years of me working doing all the house work, time and time again talked about it, it peaked with her stealing money from my credit cards while I was at work and throwing the statements away when they turned up in the post, I kicked her out as it was my mortgage and I paid for the house. I gave her the deposit and the first months rent for a house for herself. What did the bitch do? Didn't pay a single months rent after the first one (which I paid) and then she ended up in a hostel. Broke my heart though as she took my daughter with her, just couldn't put up with it any more. Got my daughter back in the end mind. I'd talk to her about it and tell her how you really feel otherwise it will only end in tears.

My efficiency is truly a joy to behold! 
 
Usually doesn't get to me and i just get on with it (it takes me 30mins tops to tidy up when i get back) but it slowly ground me down. For some reason what takes me 30 mins does take her a couple of hours. We argued about it a year ago as I decided to do a trial (Geeky) and see how bad it would get if i did nothing for 2 weeks.... Kitchen every plate pot and pan used, living room a mess upstairs had clothes everywhere as no washing was done.
 
I love the girl and we have a great relationship bar her lazyness.
 
 
 

Doesnt seem unreasonable at all that she should do a lot of the cleaning. Your paying of all the bills aside, if it came down to sheer time alone it would be clear she should be doing a lot more of it. 
 
I'd give it a few days to calm then sit her down and calmly explain how much its gotten to you. It's an unequal relationship where everything seems to be her way

I remember the days when "SMASH HER IN!" would of been the answer of choice.
 
Seriously though cheers for the insight and advice much appreciated.

Earnings shouldn't come in to it all, it's all about the time available. If she has far more time then she should be doing more to run the house.

westbelfastguy


Doesnt seem unreasonable at all that she should do a lot of the cleaning. Your paying of all the bills aside, if it came down to sheer time alone it would be clear she should be doing a lot more of it. 

I'd give it a few days to calm then sit her down and calmly explain how much its gotten to you. It's an unequal relationship where everything seems to be her way

 
x2 yeah hit the nail on the head, not equal, thats what got to me in the end, my x is still the same now as she was back then (11 years ago) Think she had a funny childhood as she acts like the world owes her something. She will never change (my x that is)

You did right saved years of pain,heartbreak

Your not an ass mate. This just the way things are. My mrs reckons i do nowt but I spend my time picking up after her as she reckons she doesn't have time to do things (cos she's on Facebook)

Cheers guys seems i'm not the only one, which is a big comfort! I wonder if you asked on a site not affiliated with training if the members would be so motivated? i doubt it

I think you should have been harsher, personally. She obviously didn't get your point...

Seems reasonable mate, I had to pack in numerous jobs when I was with the ex, she wouldn't do a thing, no interest in family life, came home to a dirty house and a pished woman, needless to say it ended in tears, hence I now have the kids and am home all day lol 

Have you considered sh could have depression? If you're saying it takes her up to 4 times as long as you to do something, doesn't sound right to me. Please don't be too quick to judge until you've checked things.

kitty


Have you considered sh could have depression? If you're saying it takes her up to 4 times as long as you to do something, doesn't sound right to me. Please don't be too quick to judge until you've checked things.

 
Yeah but what if she has a personality disorder and won't admit it or cant change, you would still be in the same position. It's either ok I don't care I love this person for who they are, problems and all, or I cant cope with this person. You have not really brought anything new to this discussion cus some people cant cope with people with depression and thats kinda of what we were taking about if you get what I mean ??   

Desmo


Earnings shouldn't come in to it all, it's all about the time available. If she has far more time then she should be doing more to run the house.

Ditto
 
If she's not even doing basic tydying up after herself then she's turning into a slob, that won't be good for her in the end let alone anyone else. Live in sh't, feel like sh't
 
Don't put it to her that way mind - avoid the use of the word slob lol