Helping someone with depression

MCL made a great post, and a really salient point.

When I was clinically depressed, I certainly didnt tell people I was "depressed" and moan about things. I walked around in a daze, and would repeat ad verabtim when asked how things were "Fine, fine..."

I think that is often why people are so shocked when someone close commits suicide, they dont see it coming because they expect someone who is depressed to be vocal about it.

One more thing, Red you're a good guy but on this you remain stuck in the dark ages, substitute "Old school" for "Ignorant".

Reborn

When I was clinically depressed, I certainly didnt tell people I was "depressed" and moan about things. I walked around in a daze, and would repeat ad verabtim when asked how things were "Fine, fine..."

This is bang on in my experience. I've always been a glass half full person, but it took a while to realise that i was really repeating a script like response to people asking how things were, how work was going, how the house and sharing was. Social life, drinking, drugs - these all just helped to cover things up. I wouldn't try and fool myself for a minute that they didn't hurt the situation but they certainly weren't the root cause.

It's sad to read people posting things that really are just very inexperienced or blinkered - you can almost see the situation where the penny drops and then it's like somebody will have opened a door to a totally different point of view.

Depression is a deep, dark, confined hole. You can move but without ever feeling like you’ll find an exit. For those of you privileged enough not to go through it, stop posting “helpful” comments…
 
Personally I never sought help or guidance, I didn’t see the point because I thought my ‘logical’ mind could comprehend so much more then others. I just grew accustomed to the negative and tried to accept it as part of my mentality. This can leave most with limited options depending on the severity, options I’m sure other sufferers here are aware of.
            Fortunately I picked the option in which I’d do everything in my power to keep my mind occupied, when you live life in your mind you need to keep it active.
 
Z, As your friend is depressed due to a serious trauma, it’s different to the type of depression I went through, that said, the road to recovery probably isn’t. I think by just being there for your friend and making positive suggestions and gauging reactions would be all you could do for now, most depressed people I’ve known hate being ‘forced’ into things but this is very individual.
 
Things that helped me
Exercise, hobbies, surrounding myself with positive influences and eventually when at the cusp of climbing from my hole an internal ultimatum that went along the lines of, you can either be like this for the rest of your life or you can f*cking do something about it.
 
Things that didn’t
Introspective nights alone, junk food, ar*e kicking for motivation ‘depending on the stage’ and associating with other negative people.
 
 I’m not suggesting your friend doesn’t grieve, but you need to get the balance right between grieving and dwelling on something.

Some constructive posts as always, not sure if this is of interest, but...

Perhaps an aspect worthy of some consideration is that interpretation and evaluation of both the internal and external world can be significantly impaired or at least affected by a mind clouded with ‘depression’. This negative bias can adversely affect the ability to social interact. Maintaining friendships can, therefore, become quite difficult, and frustrating. His understand of the world may appear or feel very different to your own, Dr Z.

Mood often changes or fluctuates over time and place so your offers of continued support, if not fully appreciated now, may be really appreciated at some point in the future.

Your friend is far more than his ‘depression’. Damn, I can really dislike that word sometimes, well that or perhaps the taxonomy of ’mental illnesses’, LOL. Good luck.

EquilibriumX - How come it says you only have 1 post? I thought you've been posting here for ages!?

CitizenKane


EquilibriumX - How come it says you only have 1 post? I thought you've been posting here for ages!?

Alright Kane,

Mental distortion, or a problem with the account, the world is a deep and mysterious place so who knows.

No, I asked admin to lock my account, I needed a break from the internet, so my fault, I didn’t think anyone would notice if I sneaked back.

LOL ok, was just confused! haha Welcome back

SteelM1nd


Depression is a deep, dark, confined hole. You can move but without ever feeling like you’ll find an exit. For those of you privileged enough not to go through it, stop posting “helpful” comments…

Personally I never sought help or guidance, I didn’t see the point because I thought my ‘logical’ mind could comprehend so much more then others. I just grew accustomed to the negative and tried to accept it as part of my mentality. This can leave most with limited options depending on the severity, options I’m sure other sufferers here are aware of.
           Fortunately I picked the option in which I’d do everything in my power to keep my mind occupied, when you live life in your mind you need to keep it active.

Z, As your friend is depressed due to a serious trauma, it’s different to the type of depression I went through, that said, the road to recovery probably isn’t. I think by just being there for your friend and making positive suggestions and gauging reactions would be all you could do for now, most depressed people I’ve known hate being ‘forced’ into things but this is very individual.

Things that helped me
Exercise, hobbies, surrounding myself with positive influences and eventually when at the cusp of climbing from my hole an internal ultimatum that went along the lines of, you can either be like this for the rest of your life or you can f*cking do something about it.

Things that didn’t
Introspective nights alone, junk food, ar*e kicking for motivation ‘depending on the stage’ and associating with other negative people.

I’m not suggesting your friend doesn’t grieve, but you need to get the balance right between grieving and dwelling on something.

Add to things unlikely to help, moderating mood with drugs and/or alcohol. That way madness lies.