Sitting in work Friday, stomach rumbling.
Get that 10 second warning.
Problem is: toilets are at least 20 seconds away.
Try running, which draws even more attention to myself.
Toilet-reach fail.
Spray pattern ejected, which then follows gravity.
Shoes, carpet, the lot, painted.
In toilet an hour cleaning up.
Go back to work to face overwhelming p1sstaking.
Fair does.
Get told to go home as I smell of sh1t.
Drive home in my undercrackers. Trousers are ruined.
Moral of story: too many kale, apple and grape smoothies will get you in the end.
Question: what will my new nickname be on Monday?
