can someone help me with my sister ?

One of my sisters is 14 and is currently around 13 stone (was checked 2 weeks back) she is shorter than i am (im 5ft6) so this does make her fairly over weight. we've tried everything. my mum has spoken to her so have i but she doesnt listen, we give her gentle nudges but that doesnt do anything either, Owain's even offered to do a diet plan but i know she wouldnt appreciate someone else getting involved. so i was thinking maybe someone  could give me a few tips that i can just subtlety tell her. i was snooping in her room the other day and (along finding plastic bags full of sweet wrappers) i found a box of like vitamins that she bought from holland and barret haha i think she thinks by taking this the weight will drop off her, i know this wont work but she has been trying because there was like a little journal she was keeping and it had her measurements and that in. i cant help but think this is my fault, ive never been 'big' ive always worn petite and its only recently since going to the gym and eating properly that ive started to to put good weight on yet im still smaller, my mum blames me for this by saying about me winging about my 'not flat stomach' makes her feel bad about herself, making her put on weight and sneaking 'crap' to her room. my mum and dad are to blame aswell theyre overweight and their eating habbits are terrible i guess rosie cant help but follow. i think ive gone on a little bit here but i really do need some help, please if anyone could help me in anyway i would be very grateful.

charlotte.eva


One of my sisters is 14 and is currently around 13 stone (was checked 2 weeks back) she is shorter than i am (im 5ft6) so this does make her fairly over weight. we've tried everything. my mum has spoken to her so have i but she doesnt listen, we give her gentle nudges but that doesnt do anything either, Owain's even offered to do a diet plan but i know she wouldnt appreciate someone else getting involved. so i was thinking maybe someone  could give me a few tips that i can just subtlety tell her. i was snooping in her room the other day and (along finding plastic bags full of sweet wrappers) i found a box of like vitamins that she bought from holland and barret haha i think she thinks by taking this the weight will drop off her, i know this wont work but she has been trying because there was like a little journal she was keeping and it had her measurements and that in. i cant help but think this is my fault, ive never been 'big' ive always worn petite and its only recently since going to the gym and eating properly that ive started to to put good weight on yet im still smaller, my mum blames me for this by saying about me winging about my 'not flat stomach' makes her feel bad about herself, making her put on weight and sneaking 'crap' to her room. my mum and dad are to blame aswell theyre overweight and their eating habbits are terrible i guess rosie cant help but follow. i think ive gone on a little bit here but i really do need some help, please if anyone could help me in anyway i would be very grateful.

Difficult one. No amount of talking/persuading/encouraging/nagging etc etc is going to make one blind bit of notice until she is ready to do it for herself and in that I mean seriously ready, not messing about in her bedroom or buying little pills etc. You need to be careful how you do handle it as you could make her go too far the other way, she's at a very vulnerable age. AND...please stop snooping because if she finds out she'll go mental (I hope she doesn't read MT!!)
 
It's certainly not your fault and yes your parents have quite likely given her these eating habits through example!! Yourself, yes, perhaps stop complaining when she's around about your little tummy seeming large, it may just make her a little more self conscious.
 
I think a good thing to do in this situation now that you have also said your parents are overweight is perhaps for them to change what they eat and lead by good example. Children will often follow their parents as leaders so the next time you get the chance to have a word with your parents see what they think about this (bet they won't be happy LOL!!) but certainly worth seeing if they're prepared to try themselves.
 
Do you have a games console (Wii).....challenge your sister to some of the games/dancing. It's a little form of exercise that will get her moving and she won't even realise. How about suggesting you go on a picnic at weekends.......make it a good long walk......again, exercise without her realising and at the end you have a nice healthy picnic that you've prepared. How about taking her dancing? Salsa or street dancing, something fast paced that will get a little sweat on. You need this to be your idea but be too shy to go alone so you ask her if she'd like to come along for your benefit.
 
 

she was really comitted to it last year like she proper lost weight cos my mum helped her now my mum has given up cos with rosie its two step fowards one step back.

okayyy i did have a word with my mum and she said that yes over the past couple of years the eating habits have got pretty bad and she's agreed to let me help rosie (she wont do it herself cos rosie wont listen to her, rosie has a temper problem and is very nasty to my mum)

yeahhh we do have a wii.... buuut my little sister annie has taken it from my room to hers :/ rosie wont walk anywhere she'd rather have a picnic in the garden /: i wanted to go though os down the other end of the village is a lake and that wouldve been a nice walk :/ i used to go dancing and rosie came for a bit but she gave up cos it worked her too hard, she used to do football but got tired easy (she now has astmha and uses that to get out of anything) :( im totally running out of ideas but i really REALLY want to help her x

It's good that you care and want to help. Don't give up but don't make it obvious

Aw how lucky Rosie is to have a fantastic sister like you!!!
Everything Kitty is suggesting here is great advice and things like this do take some time and dedication of 'leading by example' as you are doing. It wont happen over night.
13yrs olds are going through all sorts of hormone changes, emotional turmoils, self image issues etc etc (as I am sure you remember, I certainly do even though it was a long time ago for me!).
Anyway what I am saying is that it is probably a lot to do with her own self imagine and confidence which may be quite low due to her failed attempts in the past.
One of the best things you can do as a sister is praise her for the good stuff she does, to boost her self esteem, treat her with respect (privacy) and this will all give her a base of confidence in you.
Just dont put too much pressure on yourself when it has to come from within her rather than be forced upon her.

Hope this helps a bit ;)

Fabulous advice Rachel, rewarding the postive rather than criticising the negatives!

I was big at that age! am 19 now lost most the weight now

My brother and I both joined the gym at the same time, that was a huge plus having a gym buddie..maybe encourage her to go tell her others her age go to your gym tell her how fab their starting to look in no time!

Help her cook meals do it together, get her to read labels for you when cooking to educate her

My mum just told me the harsh way, that my health will be awful when am older, that i'd feel a whole lot better with myself knowing clothes fitted, that boys wouldn't be looking at me for all the wrong reasons!  Harsh but it worked

kitty,rachel your advice is so useful to me :) shes started to eat better because mum has changed the food in the cupboards to suit me because i eat better than everyone else :) theres nothing unhealthy anymore even the desserts are healthy (ish) low fat fruit flavoured mousses from M&S :) and everyone either has the porridge pancake things (without even realising because ive blended the oats like flour) or scrambled egg whites :)

charl_s- trust me weve tried :( y mum has said she will be huge when shes older and her astmha will get worse but it doesnt work, im quite insensitive to her situation because it frustrates me so much- she used to be smaller than me! id be the one jealous of her! the friends thing is all ready there- marika one of her best mates has a membership at nuffields even mum and dad have got one now but she refuses to join, she went for 2 weeks then stopped i just dont get it :S it doesnt help that shes now hanging out with a new girl- rachel. thing is rachel is bigger than rosie but rae is totally happy with her body and doesnt want to change it damnn its two steps foward one step back

i refuse to give up though. im going to help rosie until she loses the weight or atleast until she gets her confidence back

try and write her a letter maybe explain how it upsets you! theres only so much you can do :( it will be down to her good luck xxx

charlotte.eva


i refuse to give up though. im going to help rosie until she loses the weight or atleast until she gets her confidence back

god wish my sister had been like you, i have a sister who is 4 years older and has been a size 8 top 10 bottom with a flat stomach and has been like that till she was 30 (had a baby) and now is a size 12.

I understand how your sister feels i was exactly the same, and yes unfortunatley seeing an older sister skinnier etc does make you eat more and feel worse, especially when we used to go shopping with my mum as my sister would pick all the nice clothes and i could just get the ones that 'fit'.

i was a size 14-16 since i was about 14 and was always about a foot taller than everyone as grew really quick and have been 5ft8 since i was 14. I'm still a size 14 but it was an ex telling me brutally when i got up to a size 18 that i was fat that kicked me into touch.

that means it's a lot harder now to shift the weight hence why on here and trying to lose weight get healthy at the same time - all of us want either that bikini body/bodybuilding body - that's why we are on here.

I just wish my sister had helped me then as it is a real struggle now and when your sis is  16-18 yrs her weight issues will be worse. Her weight at that age will define who she is for the rest of her life (in my opinion). Just spend time with her, thats the one thing my sister NEVER did, spend time with her and don't give up........what about swimming - no-one realises how good that is for you.

Also why not try and drag her to the gym and just put lots of emphasis on the 'fit boys' that she'll see -  how about a class - she can meet people there too.

charlotte.eva


i refuse to give up though. im going to help rosie until she loses the weight or atleast until she gets her confidence back

bless you matey i feel your frustration
forget the weightloss thing for now and focus on the confidence part. Once she feels a bit better about herself the other stuff will naturally start to fall into place.
forcing anyone ot do something they  really dont want to do is not going to be motivation for either of you so just be subtle about encouraging her in other ways
"Wow I love you hair like that"
or
"you are such a great sister because......"
or
"I know I can trust you and I need some advice".....(make something up if necessary)
or
"I love begin with you because you make me feel" .......(something good obviously) 
I think you get the idea hun, just dont give up because one day she is going to tahsnk you big time and when you dont have anyone else you will always have your sister xx

thank you so much to all of you :) im so glad someone can actually give me good advice :) im so grateful its almost like its not me doing it on my own i have you guys supporting me, supporting her :)
if you saw my sister her hair is thik long and curly it actually is very nice and when she doesnt straighten it it looks gorg :) she has very blue eyes and she is pretty but because of this weight issue she doesnt appreciate the good qualities about herself... i wish she could x anyway me and owain managed to get some free passes to the gym and i gave her one she took it! (this is a step!!!!!) even when we went out for my 16th birthday the other night, because i hardly ate she hardly did either :) im gunna get her down to the gym on a good day that wont be too tiring like shoulders or back :) thank you so much again :) xxxx

Ooooo, that's a good step. Let's hope it helps. You're doing a fabulous job

won't be long before shes on here as a member

That pizza hut was really good lol rosie barely ate anything, i think I ate most of her food

Well done sister!!!
I hope you told her all of those lovely comments about her hair and eyes!? It would mean so much to her dont you think?

There is always someone here to talk to and share your burden Charl. A great support system of like minded people.
:)

hahaha true that owain you probably did :) 

yeahh i tell her all the time but still she'll wear glasses instead of the hundreds of pounds mum spent on contacts and she'll still straighten her hair which then makes it flat making her conscious of the fact her face is 'fat' her own words! yet she wont leave her hair curly, it looks seriously nice when its curly im not even lying x but yeahh i tell her all the time about her eyes! i love them theyre so blue and mine change each day from green to bluish :( lol x