ORIGINAL: Blasphemousfish

Turning up late to a family meal, I had my excuses ready and sat down, launched in to an anecdote about how bad traffic had been etc... my mum leaned over and said "You might want to wear something with a collar if you're going to try lie to us." Massive love-bite on my neck.

Went to a friends 21st in Lancaster. Got really drunk. Had sex with her house mate, in the bathroom. Walked down stairs the next morning, into the living room. Everyone went quiet and looked at me grinning from ear to ear. Apparently this lass had told everyone in the house (20+) about our bit of bathroom fun the night before and had described me and my performance in great detail... I spent the rest of the day trying to avoid people slapping me on the back where she'd scratched me.

Got stabbed infront of hundreds of people, it was my own fault. At the summer junior national Aikido competition we did a demo for about 200 people & it started with me doing the safety talk... so I'm stood talking to all the people, with about 10 kids sat at the from just behind the ropes. And it was meant to finish we me saying 'We've been training for years to get this right...' and at that moment Luke would lunge at me with a tanto and I'd avoid and the whole demostration would begin.

Well I screwed up my line... and forgot which way to step when he stabbed! Ooops.

The weapons aren't kept sharpe, because they break/chip easily, but they were sharpe enough! It only nicked me on the chest... went in less than a centimeter and sliced through about 1.5 inches across. So not a big cut, but it bled a lot. And with me wearing a white gee the blood looked pretty bad. It was funny really, I was stood there trying to convince everyone I was ok as blood blossomed over my chest & front! I was just really embarrassed. One of the kids started to cry and everything!

There are loads more tales of my misfortune...

epic

epithin-e cycle log

Got a couple of situations:

1st) When I was about 10 I was with some mates playing football on a local field. Anyway one of my mates was really pi**ing me off, so I picked up some dog sh*t off the floor and threw it at him. Trouble is that I missed him and so all I achieved was getting my hand covered in sh*t, so I had to walk home and clean myself up. My mates were on the floor laughing.

2nd) A couple of years ago I went round my girlfriends house to pick her up for a night out. I was sitting in the living room chatting to her parents and she came down and walked past me through the living room wearing only a bra and thong. This was the 1st time i'd seen her in her underwear as we had only been going out a few weeks and I simply couldn't control myself. Got the biggest, stiffest hard-on i've ever had.
Her parents were still chatting to me and didn't seem to notice. Until about 2 mins later when she shouted me to go into the kitchen. I had to walk past her parents with a massive bulge in my trousers, and just tried to conceal it by sticking my arse out a bit, but I dont think it worked. lol

Aint it a bit weird she is in her undies in front of her folks?

“Steroids of the Gods, but genes of a stick insect"

Well she only waked past us for a second, i'm guessing to get her clothes as when I got into the kitchen she was wearing jeans and a top :( .

ORIGINAL: eddie182

1st) When I was about 10 I was with some mates playing football on a local field. Anyway one of my mates was really pi**ing me off, so I picked up some dog sh*t off the floor and threw it at him. Trouble is that I missed him and so all I achieved was getting my hand covered in sh*t, so I had to walk home and clean myself up. My mates were on the floor laughing.

Damn, literally brought tears to my eyes, 'kin class!

SAVANT SITE - let me know if you need info on our products

My mate Joanne was on the busy bus comin to work the other week, when a guy sat down next to her and said " hi, so how are you, wot have you beeen up to?!"

She didn't recognise him and was like " Eh.. I'm fine thanks, umm how are you?"

He said " aye, not too bad, you workin tonight?"

Still being polite " Yeah am on til 9pm. hate this shift"

He said " Going out later?"

She began saying " Emm I don't thin..."

And the guy interupppted her with " excuse me, could you be quiet please! I'm on the phone!"

He had a hands free kit in his other ear. She had to sit there for another 5 painful minutes..

OUCH....... PMSL at the poor girl - she does socially excruiciating things like this so often.

A mate of mine swears this is true: -

A few years ago his brother, who lived at home then (about 15) was in his bedroom listening to music on his Sony Walkman, via headphones. At the same time he was sat at his computer busily surfing the net for porn. He became aroused and took the opprtunity to crack one off, still listening to the music. After he had, erm, finished he turned off his music and turned round to go to the toilet. At this point he observed a plate of sandwiches and a cup of tea on his bedside table - left by his mum who had obviously not wanted to disturb him....

ORIGINAL: Son of Frank

A mate of mine swears this is true: -

A few years ago his brother, who lived at home then (about 15) was in his bedroom listening to music on his Sony Walkman, via headphones. At the same time he was sat at his computer busily surfing the net for porn. He became aroused and took the opprtunity to crack one off, still listening to the music. After he had, erm, finished he turned off his music and turned round to go to the toilet. At this point he observed a plate of sandwiches and a cup of tea on his bedside table - left by his mum who had obviously not wanted to disturb him....

Human Traffic??

This one time, my mate was on holiday with his friends, staying by a lake. They all went to their rooms to watch pr0n, but my mate picked up the glue instead of the lube!!

He glued his hand to his ol' man, panicked, glued his other hand to the cassette and then ended up on the roof when the cops turned up!!

"If you're going through hell, keep going!" - Winston Churchill

ORIGINAL: stavross

Smith machines are for girls mate.

We had all the family and friends over for a surprise 21st birthday party for my brother a few years back.We all shouted 'surprise' and he lost his cool somewhat.When my aunt and uncle came over to him he was in a bit of a daze and gave my aunt a firm handshake and kissed my uncle on the lips.I've never seen a couple look so bemused in my life.I was on the floor pissing my pants for about an hour.

rofl!!!

"If you're going through hell, keep going!" - Winston Churchill

ORIGINAL: stavross

Smith machines are for girls mate.

anymore people

bench: 133kg
deadlift: 185kg
squat: 115 (cant squat)  
weight: 117kg 20%bf
status: attempting to cut
next goal: bring overall fitness up then continue bulking

ORIGINAL: mystictal

My mate Joanne was on the busy bus comin to work the other week, when a guy sat down next to her and said " hi, so how are you, wot have you beeen up to?!"

She didn't recognise him and was like " Eh.. I'm fine thanks, umm how are you?"

He said " aye, not too bad, you workin tonight?"

Still being polite " Yeah am on til 9pm. hate this shift"

He said " Going out later?"

She began saying " Emm I don't thin..."

And the guy interupppted her with " excuse me, could you be quiet please! I'm on the phone!"

He had a hands free kit in his other ear. She had to sit there for another 5 painful minutes..

OUCH....... PMSL at the poor girl - she does socially excruiciating things like this so often.

This has to be the funniest thing i have ever heard.

Cheshire's shortest practitioner of ......

ORIGINAL: mystictal

My mate Joanne was on the busy bus comin to work the other week, when a guy sat down next to her and said " hi, so how are you, wot have you beeen up to?!"

She didn't recognise him and was like " Eh.. I'm fine thanks, umm how are you?"

He said " aye, not too bad, you workin tonight?"

Still being polite " Yeah am on til 9pm. hate this shift"

He said " Going out later?"

She began saying " Emm I don't thin..."

And the guy interupppted her with " excuse me, could you be quiet please! I'm on the phone!"

He had a hands free kit in his other ear. She had to sit there for another 5 painful minutes..

OUCH....... PMSL at the poor girl - she does socially excruiciating things like this so often.

Oh gawd.Cringe.Thats a bit like when somebody waves in you direction and you wave back but realise they were waving at somebody behind you.I remember once somebody drove passed and bibbed their horn so I've instinctly lifted my hand.Trouble is I was holding a pound coin so I've only had my first two fingers free like I'm giving a peace sign.What a turkey.

Was with my ex at the time, was sorting out her little bro's computer for him (he was a bout 13 at the time) as he was outside playing rugby, so she calls me downstairs to look at possible hols destinations etc, so i finished and go back upstairs to to his room, i open the door, and he is at the computer with his shorts to his ankles in front of the computer, you can guess what he was doing, so i closed the door, and stand there like what are you supposed to do.

End product i told him i wouldnt say nufin to his sis as she would rip the piss out of him, had a good laugh with the m8's thou

Only one story of many in my life

Life is never black and white but many shades of grey.

ORIGINAL: eddie182

Got a couple of situations:

1st) When I was about 10 I was with some mates playing football on a local field. Anyway one of my mates was really pi**ing me off, so I picked up some dog sh*t off the floor and threw it at him. Trouble is that I missed him and so all I achieved was getting my hand covered in sh*t, so I had to walk home and clean myself up. My mates were on the floor laughing.

2nd) A couple of years ago I went round my girlfriends house to pick her up for a night out. I was sitting in the living room chatting to her parents and she came down and walked past me through the living room wearing only a bra and thong. This was the 1st time i'd seen her in her underwear as we had only been going out a few weeks and I simply couldn't control myself. Got the biggest, stiffest hard-on i've ever had.
Her parents were still chatting to me and didn't seem to notice. Until about 2 mins later when she shouted me to go into the kitchen. I had to walk past her parents with a massive bulge in my trousers, and just tried to conceal it by sticking my arse out a bit, but I dont think it worked. lol

OMG

THE most amazing post i have ever read on MT. period.

epithin-e cycle log

When i was about 14, me, my mum and slightly older sister were sat in the que at the hairdressers in a line like you do.

Anyway, the older chap sat next to me lets out a huge fart, a good riper and me and my sis burst out laughing, we tried to keep calm but we couldn't keep it in, then my mum has a major go at me for farting in public and how disgusting it is etc!! At this point i had to walk outside as i had tears coming down my face. I really felt sorry for the old dude. He didnt flinch either, just sat there cool as a cucumber.

My Journel with pics(just started BB'ing):)http://www.muscletalk.co.uk/m_1383115/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#1383115

1 Year bulk finished, 10 1/12 to 13 1/2 stone. Now cutting.

ORIGINAL: cleg

We had all the family and friends over for a surprise 21st birthday party for my brother a few years back.We all shouted 'surprise' and he lost his cool somewhat.When my aunt and uncle came over to him he was in a bit of a daze and gave my aunt a firm handshake and kissed my uncle on the lips.I've never seen a couple look so bemused in my life.I was on the floor pissing my pants for about an hour.

LMAO quality.

"When i let go of what i am, i become what i might be"

Wel i hope this dont offend anyone, and i apologise if iv gone too far.
I hadnt been with my partner for that long at this time. anyway we were having sex, and went to change positions (69), as i lifted my leg i let out this MASSIVE fanny fart!
I didnt even know it was comin!
I shut my legs quickly as it made the pair of us jump, well i cocked my leg over again and it happened again!
Now im not one to get embarrassed easily, but i was devastated!
I cant remember if love making resumed or not after we'd wet ourselves laughin, but we still laugh about that now.

Earlier today, actually. Just finishing up at work and went to the toilet as nature called, and then saw the full length mirror on the wall opposite and thought it would be a great time to check my squat form....It turns out my squats weren't quite as deep as I thought, although the form was stlil pretty good! Anyway, At the bottom of my 3rd rep, when trying to get additional depth, I heard something I didn't want to hear....A ripping sound of my work trousers followed by a conglomeration of swear words from a man who faced walking the 15 minutes home through town in black trousers with bright white boxers protruding through.

I just had to go and buy a new pair of trousers from Tescos.

Come to think of it, I'm not sure which is more embarassing!

ORIGINAL: eddie182

Got a couple of situations:

1st) When I was about 10 I was with some mates playing football on a local field. Anyway one of my mates was really pi**ing me off, so I picked up some dog sh*t off the floor and threw it at him. Trouble is that I missed him and so all I achieved was getting my hand covered in sh*t, so I had to walk home and clean myself up. My mates were on the floor laughing.

2nd) A couple of years ago I went round my girlfriends house to pick her up for a night out. I was sitting in the living room chatting to her parents and she came down and walked past me through the living room wearing only a bra and thong. This was the 1st time i'd seen her in her underwear as we had only been going out a few weeks and I simply couldn't control myself. Got the biggest, stiffest hard-on i've ever had.
Her parents were still chatting to me and didn't seem to notice. Until about 2 mins later when she shouted me to go into the kitchen. I had to walk past her parents with a massive bulge in my trousers, and just tried to conceal it by sticking my arse out a bit, but I dont think it worked. lol

Oh yeh, BFG massive.

Nothing contributes so much to tranquilizing the mind as a steady purpose - a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye.