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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 15:02:14
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Dan Nukem
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From: Ireland
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Jax Demon
Sounds like your only staying with her because your afraid to walk away and leave her because she has some issues
Problem is these issues are bringing you down aswell and Tbh thats not good unless you can hack it and stay and help her to help you
I'm not afraid to walk away mate, I just don't want to pack it in, until I feel like I can't take anymore or until I've tried everything to fix it.
She was my girlfriend and my best friend before, so I don't want to give up too easily.
Its very hard to say because maybe the illness/medication is fcuking up her brain.
And I've got to be making some mistakes myself, can't be all her fault.
I feel like I walked away from my last relationship too quickly and I regret it.
Yes, I do feel she is dependant on me (she effectively has no job now and if I left her, she will have nowhere to live).
Her brother doesn't want her to move back to his house and was fairly pissed when I asked him this morning if she would be able to in the event of a break up.
ARGH! 
Talking about it here destresses me and stops me want to cut myself.
< Message edited by Dan Nukem -- May 7 2008 15:03:46 >
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 15:07:10
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Jax Demon
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From: Leicester Shity
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You gotta do what you need to do regardless if she will have no where to live ect...
If your not happy then you should not be there and say you do see an escort ect.. than what if she finds out? Its gonna get worse
Try talking to her but if you get no where and start having a row again then your probably just fighting a losing battle.
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 15:11:49
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drab4
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From: United Kingdom
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I'm all for people working through their problems. And helping their partners work through their problems
However, unless I've got the wrong end of the stick, you've not been with this lady all that long Dan mate. Is that right?
You seem to be taking on a bunch of someone else's problems, not all that long after getting out of another relationship which had problems. At least your last relationship started out great and then turned sour years later. This one seems to have turned sour within a very short time
I believe that you're trying to make things work here. So I think your GF needs to pull her finger out or just go away TBH
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 15:21:45
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Dan Nukem
Posts: 9398
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From: Ireland
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quote:
ORIGINAL: drab4
I'm all for people working through their problems. And helping their partners work through their problems
However, unless I've got the wrong end of the stick, you've not been with this lady all that long Dan mate. Is that right?
You seem to be taking on a bunch of someone else's problems, not all that long after getting out of another relationship which had problems. At least your last relationship started out great and then turned sour years later. This one seems to have turned sour within a very short time
I believe that you're trying to make things work here. So I think your GF needs to pull her finger out or just go away TBH
Correct mate, we've been going out approx 10months.
And living together approx 3months.
Problems started off in a minor way before we moved in together, thought nothing much of it at the time.
Problems got intense about 6weeks ago i suppose.
I agree, taking on other peoples problems. Don't know how to not take on my partner's problems really.
I consider it part and parcel of being a couple.
If I didn't love her, I suppose I wouldn't.
Also one of the downsides of having EE girlfriends, seems to be a recurring theme in these relationships.
I'm doing my best to make things work, but am burned out mate.
I told my GF something along the same lines this morning - I said we'll give it a few weeks, and if things don't change, then we're done.
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 15:26:38
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anz3001
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From: leicester
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Dan Nukem
She has packed on 20kg since we met due to her health,
is it possible that she is going throough a period of depression and insecurity and just saying what she said to get at you (assuming you were 'having words')
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Its not impossible....it just takes longer than you think! - paul george.
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 15:30:35
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James
Posts: 25362
Joined: Nov. 10 2000
From: healthyaction.co.uk
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Jake
Sorry James, check my sig. 
LOL - check your email!
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 15:33:15
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James
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From: healthyaction.co.uk
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Dan your comments to me arn't a case of it's all over - but you do need to sort your problems out - and that's a two way thing. Sit her down and tell her you're having second thoughts due to a number of counts and go from there
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 15:48:29
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Dan Nukem
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From: Ireland
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quote:
ORIGINAL: James
Dan your comments to me arn't a case of it's all over - but you do need to sort your problems out - and that's a two way thing. Sit her down and tell her you're having second thoughts due to a number of counts and go from there
I said it this morning mate, but I'm not sure if she really believed it.
She probably thinks I am a walkover.
I have a Russian Satellite system [russian tv] ordered for her (cost about E300) which is due to be installed this week.
I was thinking about cancelling this to show her that I am serious about ending the relationship.
What do you think about this?
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 16:07:00
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kevo101
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to be honest mate it sounds to me like she has some problems, dont go to see the escort, if your not that type of guy then dont let her push you to that level you may well regret it. If she is getting funny about you being close to her ask yourself have you done something to make her want her own space, if the answer is no then consider kicking her to the cerb as it sounds like it might go down that route anyway, if you have done something wrong then sort it if you can. My last gf got funny about me being close to her and i had done nothing wrong, turned out she just wanted to be single, needless to say she was young,daft and we went our own ways, she came back of course only to be met by a big f off.
Keep your chin up dude.
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 16:09:20
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peagreen
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Hi Dan, relationships are difficult and compromises are made, however it seems as though you have done a lot to keep everything running smoothly. I ended a five year relationship for exactly the same reasons as you are talking about, except our relationship went on nearly eighteen months with no sex.
It was one thing after another and when we argued, she always blamed me for wanting to have sex - to which my reply was, that's the trouble I only want to have sex with you. I contemplated cheating, as it was offered and I still could not do it, I broke it off - I'm not that kind of guy.
Sex is not something that can be used against the other partner as a tool and if one does not want it, then there is an underlying problem and that has to be discussed. If no headway is made then I would suggest that you spell out the implications for her, in that she will have to move out and you will not be responsible anymore for her - I'd say that is the bottom line, whether you were friends before the relationship, she is an adult and is responsible for her actions and own well being - you, my friend, are not.
Good luck.
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 16:11:20
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JohnKerr2
Posts: 8153
Joined: Jul. 14 2003
From: London United Kingdom
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Dan Nukem
I said it this morning mate, but I'm not sure if she really believed it.
She probably thinks I am a walkover.
I have a Russian Satellite system [russian tv] ordered for her (cost about E300) which is due to be installed this week.
I was thinking about cancelling this to show her that I am serious about ending the relationship.
What do you think about this?
I think you can do all sorts of things to demonstrate your intentions one way or another, but really you've got to ask yourself what it is you really want and what it is that's really best for you.
It seems like you're coping with your problems by behaving in ways that signal desperation. I'm sure I'm not the only one here who's worried about your cutting yourself. I think this is something you really ought to be seeking help for.
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Anyway in my experience its always the short guys who are smart arses here,How tall are you john kerr? 5`3?
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 16:11:56
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swift
Posts: 4805
Joined: Mar. 21 2007
From: uknown
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Dan Nukem
quote:
ORIGINAL: James
Dan your comments to me arn't a case of it's all over - but you do need to sort your problems out - and that's a two way thing. Sit her down and tell her you're having second thoughts due to a number of counts and go from there
I said it this morning mate, but I'm not sure if she really believed it.
She probably thinks I am a walkover.
I have a Russian Satellite system [russian tv] ordered for her (cost about E300) which is due to be installed this week.
I was thinking about cancelling this to show her that I am serious about ending the relationship.
What do you think about this?
do it mate.
if things make a turn around then re-instate the order.
serious mate get on the blower and cancel it
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 16:15:28
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Dan Nukem
Posts: 9398
Joined: Sep. 21 2002
From: Ireland
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quote:
ORIGINAL: JohnKerr2
quote:
ORIGINAL: Dan Nukem
I said it this morning mate, but I'm not sure if she really believed it.
She probably thinks I am a walkover.
I have a Russian Satellite system [russian tv] ordered for her (cost about E300) which is due to be installed this week.
I was thinking about cancelling this to show her that I am serious about ending the relationship.
What do you think about this?
I think you can do all sorts of things to demonstrate your intentions one way or another, but really you've got to ask yourself what it is you really want and what it is that's really best for you.
It seems like you're coping with your problems by behaving in ways that signal desperation. I'm sure I'm not the only one here who's worried about your cutting yourself. I think this is something you really ought to be seeking help for.
Have knocked the cutting on the head thankfully mate.
Yea, cutting myself makes me feel better.
I cut myself in the past because I felt so stupid for having trusted her when she broke my trust.
Don't know why, but it makes me feel better.
But I'm not doing it anyway.
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 16:18:58
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Dan Nukem
Posts: 9398
Joined: Sep. 21 2002
From: Ireland
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Kev, that rings a bell, about wanting to be single. Thats how she generally acts. But when I talk about splitting up, she doesn't want it. Maybe cause she is dependant on me. Who knows really. Sometimes she talks about wanting to be married and stuff.
I reckon she doesn't know what she wants herself and told her that in the past and offered her time to herself, a few weeks, and that was the first time I saw her cry.
Thanks Peagreen, its a messy situation because I get angry feel rejected over the no-sex thing. And she gets angry because I want sex. Its fcuked up really.
Swift, just cancelled the order. Fcuk paying for that if I'm going to break up with her.
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 16:22:03
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Jax Demon
Posts: 9028
Joined: Jul. 16 2005
From: Leicester Shity
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Dan Nukem
Fcuk paying for that if I'm going to break up with her.
Good luck and let us know how you get on if you dont mind
And as you can see from the replies plenty of people on here are willing to help you
However as for your email Im sorry I dont date dudes 
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 16:23:23
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Dan Nukem
Posts: 9398
Joined: Sep. 21 2002
From: Ireland
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Jax Demon
quote:
ORIGINAL: Dan Nukem
Fcuk paying for that if I'm going to break up with her.
Good luck and let us know how you get on if you dont mind
And as you can see from the replies plenty of people on here are willing to help you
However as for your email Im sorry I dont date dudes
If you saw my ass, I reckon you would change your mind mate, its a peach
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 16:25:33
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Mook
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Joined: May 21 2006
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Piss in her ear
(Hopefully you took that as I think you will)
It's a sh*tty situation by the sounds of it mate, your like / lust / love thing rings very true with what I'm currently going through. Nothing like a good head fcuk from a woman to send you all to pot
However it pans out, good luck mate 
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The race is long... and in the end, it's only with yourself.
dazelliott@hotmail.com : Direct all abuse here.
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 16:27:41
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MonkFinger
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From: 'ampshire
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This sounds like she has problems that you, as her boyfriend, aren't in a position to fix. She doesn't seem to be relating to you very well now you're together, despite relating to you very well before as a friend (no pressure back then).
It also sounds like the whole deal is making you suffer and if you're not on top of it all then you certainly won't be in a position to help her improve, which is needed before things between you get back to being ok.
Good luck whatever you decide to do.
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 16:28:39
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Dan Nukem
Posts: 9398
Joined: Sep. 21 2002
From: Ireland
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Mook
Piss in her ear
(Hopefully you took that as I think you will)
It's a sh*tty situation by the sounds of it mate, your like / lust / love thing rings very true with what I'm currently going through. Nothing like a good head fcuk from a woman to send you all to pot
However it pans out, good luck mate
No chance mate, too angry with her to be intimate at the moment.
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 16:29:33
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Mook
Posts: 3653
Joined: May 21 2006
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_____________________________
The race is long... and in the end, it's only with yourself.
dazelliott@hotmail.com : Direct all abuse here.
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