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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 16:30:04
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Dan Nukem
Posts: 9398
Joined: Sep. 21 2002
From: Ireland
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MonkFinger
This sounds like she has problems that you, as her boyfriend, aren't in a position to fix. She doesn't seem to be relating to you very well now you're together, despite relating to you very well before as a friend (no pressure back then).
It also sounds like the whole deal is making you suffer and if you're not on top of it all then you certainly won't be in a position to help her improve, which is needed before things between you get back to being ok.
Good luck whatever you decide to do.
Whoopsy.
When I said we were best friends, I meant in the course of the relationship, i.e. we were close.
We didn't know each other before we started dating etc., sorry if I gave off that impression.
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 16:32:47
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H20
Posts: 8086
Joined: Jun. 23 2004
From: Manchester England
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quote:
She said for the last few months that it was health problems, but after a big row this morning, she let it slip that it was to punish me or something along those lines because she is angry with me about something.
The something being that I hug her too much and show her I care too much.
Apparently I need to be cold and give her space.
Are you dating my ex-wife Dan ? 
Not read all the posts mate but that is what my ex-wife was like, we`re now divorced so I think that tells it`s own story of my experience( although I didn`t cheat until I knew she was cheating, we were also split up when I did it)
I`m not one just to bin a relationship because of a few difficulties mate and looking at this you seem the same but there comes a point I think where you have to look at your own happiness, whether that be with another relationship or a professional is up to you but I don`t think you`ll find it with your current lass.
PS mate, no I wouldn`t but I certainly wouldn`t knock the idea completely on the head.
< Message edited by H20 -- May 7 2008 16:40:37 >
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Look after your body,it is the greatest thing you will EVER own----Bazil Baines
Dodging the rain and bullets since 1966.
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 16:39:28
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MonkFinger
Posts: 3433
Joined: May 11 2004
From: 'ampshire
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Dan Nukem
Whoopsy.
When I said we were best friends, I meant in the course of the relationship, i.e. we were close.
We didn't know each other before we started dating etc., sorry if I gave off that impression.
No worries, I am weighing in at the end of the thread somewhat...
The whole angle of holding out (punishment) and the reason for it (being too nice) reeks of deep seated issues, I think in your position if I'd made a good go of trying to reconcile things I would be out.
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 16:49:57
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Big D
Posts: 6099
Joined: May 3 2002
From: leeds
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good luck with it dan, glad to hear you've knocked the cutting on the head.
as already said, best thing to do is sit and talk to her and get everything out in the open, then decide whether its best to end or work it out.
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 17:21:03
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1ntense
Posts: 445
Joined: Aug. 23 2004
From: Glasgow
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Sounds a lot like the situation I found myself in towards the end of my last relationship
TBH it sounds like shes unhappy in the relationship and my guess would be that she is actively looking for someone else. As soon as she finds someone who she sees as a better option, she'll be offski mate.
I think the key is with girls like her is that they want to be with someone that they feel arent that fussed about being with them, that they're lucky to have you. That you could go off with nicer, better looking girl at any time. This his in their mind, keeps you as an object of desire. Very strange but when they feel like you want them more than they want you its game over with girls of this nature Im afraid.
The only chance you've got of rectifying this relationship is to play games which from what I can tell, you wouldnt be comfortable doing. I dont blame you mate as I hate game playing in relationships.
The key to keeping girls like these interest levels up is by distancing yourself from them, go out with mates more, dont make them your world. Show them that you have a life outside of the relationship and that you can be happy when you're not with her, this way when you're out more she'll be worrying that you might be with other girls which will also make her want you more. Distance yourself a bit if you really want to be with this girl and you should notice a rapid change in her behaviour.
Its definitely a tricky situation and ultimately what it comes down to is that you pretty much have to play games with this girl if you want to stay with her.
I really think that you deserve better though mate.
Do you really want to be with a girl that will always play games with you with no regards to your emotions, that doesnt care how bad these games are hurting you or a girl that will appreciate the love you show her and show you the same love back?
In my experience, relationships like this arent based on true love. They are co-dependent relationships, very unhealthy to put it mildly.
TBH I would get rid before she ****s you over (my guess is its only a matter of time) and really breaks your heart mate.
Thats my advice.
Good luck whatever you decide mate.
_____________________________
Faithless is he who gives up hope as the road darkens.
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 17:25:04
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elbowsandknees
Posts: 372
Joined: Jan. 7 2003
From: United Kingdom
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No I would never go see a prostitute for sex, why on earth would you pay someone for it , surely you're not that bad looking?
It sounds like you and your partner are not compatible, I've had a similar problem in the past, get out now before it becomes more bitter and twisted.
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 17:41:54
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Dan Nukem
Posts: 9398
Joined: Sep. 21 2002
From: Ireland
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 1ntense
Sounds a lot like the situation I found myself in towards the end of my last relationship
TBH it sounds like shes unhappy in the relationship and my guess would be that she is actively looking for someone else. As soon as she finds someone who she sees as a better option, she'll be offski mate.
I think the key is with girls like her is that they want to be with someone that they feel arent that fussed about being with them, that they're lucky to have you. That you could go off with nicer, better looking girl at any time. This his in their mind, keeps you as an object of desire. Very strange but when they feel like you want them more than they want you its game over with girls of this nature Im afraid.
The only chance you've got of rectifying this relationship is to play games which from what I can tell, you wouldnt be comfortable doing. I dont blame you mate as I hate game playing in relationships.
The key to keeping girls like these interest levels up is by distancing yourself from them, go out with mates more, dont make them your world. Show them that you have a life outside of the relationship and that you can be happy when you're not with her, this way when you're out more she'll be worrying that you might be with other girls which will also make her want you more. Distance yourself a bit if you really want to be with this girl and you should notice a rapid change in her behaviour.
Its definitely a tricky situation and ultimately what it comes down to is that you pretty much have to play games with this girl if you want to stay with her.
I really think that you deserve better though mate.
Do you really want to be with a girl that will always play games with you with no regards to your emotions, that doesnt care how bad these games are hurting you or a girl that will appreciate the love you show her and show you the same love back?
In my experience, relationships like this arent based on true love. They are co-dependent relationships, very unhealthy to put it mildly.
TBH I would get rid before she ****s you over (my guess is its only a matter of time) and really breaks your heart mate.
Thats my advice.
Good luck whatever you decide mate.
Hammer, nail, head.
Thats precisely how I feel about it. And how I believe she thinks about.
The bit I had highlighted in bold was exactly what I was gonna try do to resolve it.
Reading your post, it puts it in perspective that its really just another temporary measure and not something I can sustain in the long term, or at least I don't think so.
Kinda asking myself now, whats the ****in point?
Without sounding arrogant, the Truth is that she knows she won't find better than me.
Not in this country.
Her bro said that this is why he can't understand her.
Even just down to basic things, how many non-Russian people in this country speak Russian?
Most people here don't want an EE girlfriend, just to fcuk them. And she will only find knackers or pikeys who do want a relationship with her.
I don't understand.
I give up.
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 17:45:59
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Dan Nukem
Posts: 9398
Joined: Sep. 21 2002
From: Ireland
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quote:
ORIGINAL: elbowsandknees
No I would never go see a prostitute for sex, why on earth would you pay someone for it , surely you're not that bad looking?
It sounds like you and your partner are not compatible, I've had a similar problem in the past, get out now before it becomes more bitter and twisted.
No, I don't consider myself bad looking, although my confidence is well down at the moment admittedly.
I suppose I was thinking if I went to a pro, there would be minimal chance of getting caught, and it would feel less like cheating.
Just going for sex with no alterior motives etc.
That might make no sense, but I'm wasn't thinking along the clearest lines.
At the moment, I don't really give a sh1te about sex and don't want any more relationships for a good while.
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 17:50:40
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samcim
Posts: 4405
Joined: May 1 2005
From: N Wales
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Keep us updated mate, and good luck with the relationship!
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 17:54:58
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1ntense
Posts: 445
Joined: Aug. 23 2004
From: Glasgow
Status: offline
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Regarding the hooker - Its your call mate
Personally I wouldnt do it
Why would you resort to paying for it anyway?
Sack her and get out there and find a girl that deserves you
Keep your chin up mate
_____________________________
Faithless is he who gives up hope as the road darkens.
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 18:38:33
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1ntense
Posts: 445
Joined: Aug. 23 2004
From: Glasgow
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Dan Nukem
quote:
ORIGINAL: 1ntense
Sounds a lot like the situation I found myself in towards the end of my last relationship
TBH it sounds like shes unhappy in the relationship and my guess would be that she is actively looking for someone else. As soon as she finds someone who she sees as a better option, she'll be offski mate.
I think the key is with girls like her is that they want to be with someone that they feel arent that fussed about being with them, that they're lucky to have you. That you could go off with nicer, better looking girl at any time. This his in their mind, keeps you as an object of desire. Very strange but when they feel like you want them more than they want you its game over with girls of this nature Im afraid.
The only chance you've got of rectifying this relationship is to play games which from what I can tell, you wouldnt be comfortable doing. I dont blame you mate as I hate game playing in relationships.
The key to keeping girls like these interest levels up is by distancing yourself from them, go out with mates more, dont make them your world. Show them that you have a life outside of the relationship and that you can be happy when you're not with her, this way when you're out more she'll be worrying that you might be with other girls which will also make her want you more. Distance yourself a bit if you really want to be with this girl and you should notice a rapid change in her behaviour.
Its definitely a tricky situation and ultimately what it comes down to is that you pretty much have to play games with this girl if you want to stay with her.
I really think that you deserve better though mate.
Do you really want to be with a girl that will always play games with you with no regards to your emotions, that doesnt care how bad these games are hurting you or a girl that will appreciate the love you show her and show you the same love back?
In my experience, relationships like this arent based on true love. They are co-dependent relationships, very unhealthy to put it mildly.
TBH I would get rid before she ****s you over (my guess is its only a matter of time) and really breaks your heart mate.
Thats my advice.
Good luck whatever you decide mate.
Hammer, nail, head.
Thats precisely how I feel about it. And how I believe she thinks about.
The bit I had highlighted in bold was exactly what I was gonna try do to resolve it.
Reading your post, it puts it in perspective that its really just another temporary measure and not something I can sustain in the long term, or at least I don't think so.
Kinda asking myself now, whats the ****in point?
Without sounding arrogant, the Truth is that she knows she won't find better than me.
Not in this country.
Her bro said that this is why he can't understand her.
Even just down to basic things, how many non-Russian people in this country speak Russian?
Most people here don't want an EE girlfriend, just to fcuk them. And she will only find knackers or pikeys who do want a relationship with her.
I don't understand.
I give up.
Yes mate, Ive been there alright..
TBH Im still unsure as to whether they can be sustained or not mate and I dont really think its worth doing in the first place.
Personally when I deployed these tactics, I can tell you they definitely did work, though I couldnt keep them as I knew deep down, even though I didnt want to admit it to myself, the relationship was beyond repair. However I have given the same advice to a friend and he has managed flip things round and maintain things. How long for is yet to be confirmed as it wasnt long ago (a couple of months) he successfully put said advice into practice.
For me at the start of a relationship I tend to act this way naturally and it works a treat, the mistake I made in 2 previous relationships was showing them that I cared too much. As soon as that happened everything went to pot. Which leads to me to believe that we just werent compatible and looking back now I dont think I did truly love them, even though I thought I did at the time.
The moment they feel like you want them more than they want you, it really does get ****ed up in relationships of this nature. The question is can they be rectified and turned into a long term, worthwhile relationship again.
TBH mate, I think if you have to resort to playing games to get them to want you again then I dont think they ever truly loved you in the first place. If they did, why would they stop loving you/completely change because you showed them more love?
You show more love, they less they want you.. It really is ****ed up.
When all is said and done, you really do have to ask yourself if its worth it or if you're just wasting your time and energy.
I would say it isnt.
If you move on I think you'll find that you'll be happier, less stressed out and healthier in the long run mate.
You'll have more time to focus on your own life and not have the burden of someone elses troubles on your shoulders.
Best of luck mate
Let us know how you get on
_____________________________
Faithless is he who gives up hope as the road darkens.
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 18:47:59
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Russ_Turner
Posts: 310
Joined: Dec. 26 2006
From: Motorsport Valley, Northamptonshire.
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Where's BigDawg when you need him?
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 18:50:37
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JohnKerr2
Posts: 8134
Joined: Jul. 14 2003
From: London United Kingdom
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Russ_Turner
Where's BigDawg when you need him?
School.
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Anyway in my experience its always the short guys who are smart arses here,How tall are you john kerr? 5`3?
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 19:11:48
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H20
Posts: 8086
Joined: Jun. 23 2004
From: Manchester England
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: JohnKerr2
quote:
ORIGINAL: Russ_Turner
Where's BigDawg when you need him?
School.
Postroom actually, clearing up the backlog from the Bank Holiday still.
_____________________________
Look after your body,it is the greatest thing you will EVER own----Bazil Baines
Dodging the rain and bullets since 1966.
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 19:16:40
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Mook
Posts: 3653
Joined: May 21 2006
Status: offline
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1ntense, I recently (like yesterday) made the same decision as you to sack things off with current one and it's fcuking hard but I'm a selfish twat and personal happiness is a big one for me
Dan, weigh things up but I think you already know deep down what you're gonna be doing
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The race is long... and in the end, it's only with yourself.
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 19:19:53
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Jax Demon
Posts: 9028
Joined: Jul. 16 2005
From: Leicester Shity
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Mook
1ntense, I recently (like yesterday) made the same decision as you to sack things off with current one and it's fcuking hard but I'm a selfish twat and personal happiness is a big one for me
Dan, weigh things up but I think you already know deep down what you're gonna be doing
Ah wicked email me sweetheart 
'Ive gotta hit it and quit it my playa'
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 20:12:25
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Dwarfenegger
Posts: 2867
Joined: Apr. 17 2005
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Go see a pro.. i would and you'll feel so much better.
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RE: Would you go see a professional if your other half ... - May 7 2008 21:45:11
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jaypen
Posts: 821
Joined: Oct. 2 2005
From: Cambs
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Furyan
Is it possible that you are guilty of being 'too nice'. It may shock you, but ive actually heard women use this as a reason to leave behind perfectly good relationships. This further re enforces my line of thinking, that women tend to go for guys that are slightly self concerned. Id even go as far as to say, some women seem to go for utter ****ers, the reasoning to me is alien.
I have often thought that.
I think you sound too good for her.She doesnt realise what shes got.
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