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Faux Real -> I Need Jokes for a Speech (May 8 2008 11:12:43)
Has anyone got any jokes, topical would be good, preferably one liners I can put into a best man's speech?
I've got most of it down but its not that funny and I wouldn't mind some cracking one liners.
Any topical jokes doing the rounds?
Cheers.
theiopener -> RE: I Need Jokes for a Speech (May 8 2008 11:14:30)
how well do you know the groom and brides family? that generally determines the suitability of jokes [;)]
Incredible Bulk -> RE: I Need Jokes for a Speech (May 8 2008 11:24:49)
my friend had a cracker....
"i'm sorry if i appear nervous...i even went over a few lines in the toilet before i come out for the speech'
*sniffs and wipes nose*
[:D]
cu3ed -> RE: I Need Jokes for a Speech (May 8 2008 11:25:35)
I know we cant talk about (name) ex's, but ever since the BSE outbreak we dont need to.
knoxville -> RE: I Need Jokes for a Speech (May 8 2008 11:30:37)
Myself and the groom would like to dedicate a drink to all the kisses we have snatched and vice versa went down well ,when i was a best man anyways lol
Lord Monkcheese -> RE: I Need Jokes for a Speech (May 8 2008 11:51:24)
When reading through the telegrams:
I have a message from <insert name ancient female relative>. She's sorry she can't be with the happy couple today because she's 111!!! (Emphasis on the age - audience all go whooooo in appreciation)
Oh hang on a minute - <insert name ancient female relative> can't be with you today because she's ill.........
as you stand up and begin your speech, your first line can be "I wouldn't say I'm nervous but this isn't the first time I have stood up today from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my right hand"
Faux Real -> RE: I Need Jokes for a Speech (May 8 2008 11:57:12)
quote:
ORIGINAL: Lord Monkcheese as you stand up and begin your speech, your first line can be "I wouldn't say I'm nervous but this isn't the first time I have stood up today from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my right hand"
I think that ones been done a few times now!
[;)]
tuc biscuit -> RE: I Need Jokes for a Speech (May 8 2008 11:57:48)
take a pair of knickers out of your pocket and hand them to his mother
I could swear this place is haunted, I sat down on the toilet just before and felt something pass right through me.
Lord Monkcheese -> RE: I Need Jokes for a Speech (May 8 2008 12:07:48)
quote:
ORIGINAL: Faux Real
quote:
ORIGINAL: Lord Monkcheese as you stand up and begin your speech, your first line can be "I wouldn't say I'm nervous but this isn't the first time I have stood up today from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my right hand"
I think that ones been done a few times now!
[;)]
I've been to very few weddings so have only heard it the once. Made me laugh lots though.
boar -> RE: I Need Jokes for a Speech (May 8 2008 12:15:28)
i used :
how barry mannaged to land such an enormous fish with such a small maggot as bait is beyond me .... mind you i had just thrown her back...
JohnKerr2 -> RE: I Need Jokes for a Speech (May 8 2008 12:16:47)
Most people find farts funny.
Try and work in mention of a fart.
Faux Real -> RE: I Need Jokes for a Speech (May 8 2008 12:17:47)
quote:
ORIGINAL: JohnKerr2 Most people find farts funny.
Try and work in mention of a fart.
Would producing a fart have the same impact?
JohnKerr2 -> RE: I Need Jokes for a Speech (May 8 2008 12:19:16)
quote:
ORIGINAL: Faux Real
quote:
ORIGINAL: JohnKerr2 Most people find farts funny.
Try and work in mention of a fart.
Would producing a fart have the same impact?
Depends on the context.
Can you fart on demand?
Faux Real -> RE: I Need Jokes for a Speech (May 8 2008 12:24:02)
quote:
ORIGINAL: JohnKerr2 Depends on the context.
Can you fart on demand?
I can try, although sometimes if I try too hard then I shart. I don't think that would be as funny.
JohnKerr2 -> RE: I Need Jokes for a Speech (May 8 2008 12:25:09)
quote:
ORIGINAL: Faux Real
quote:
ORIGINAL: JohnKerr2 Depends on the context.
Can you fart on demand?
I can try, although sometimes if I try too hard then I shart. I don't think that would be as funny.
Again, context is everything.
Stone -> RE: I Need Jokes for a Speech (May 8 2008 12:41:10)
quote:
ORIGINAL: tuc biscuit
take a pair of knickers out of your pocket and hand them to his mother
quote:
ORIGINAL: boar
i used :
how barry mannaged to land such an enormous fish with such a small maggot as bait is beyond me .... mind you i had just thrown her back...
Id laugh if I saw and heard those. Youd have the crowd in stitches.
Strumpus -> RE: I Need Jokes for a Speech (May 8 2008 12:52:42)
Is the groom fat?
I made an entire best man's speech out of jokes about being fat about 10 years ago. People still talk about it.[:)]
Faux Real -> RE: I Need Jokes for a Speech (May 8 2008 13:38:22)
No, he is quite skinny.
So Steve and Jane you’ve finally got married, for better or for worse, which is quite appropriate as Steve couldn’t have done any better and Jane couldn’t have done any worse
spider-man -> RE: I Need Jokes for a Speech (May 8 2008 13:38:51)
On the reverse side of the cards that you'll be reading from, have written in bold letters "NERVOUS WRECK!"
Faux Real -> RE: I Need Jokes for a Speech (May 8 2008 15:37:38)
I hope I get heckled:
"You will have to excuse him; when he was circumcised, they threw the wrong bit away."
Has anyone been heckled during a best man's speech?