I sympathize with you on this...It's not fun feeling like sh*t, although I wouldn't worry too much mate because you can fix your situation with a little dedication and effort.
I don't think jumping back on the gear is gonna be the best solution though.
From what you've said, it seems you've got caught up in the whole size game.
ive trained for 3 yrs on gear bulking gone from 12-17 stone (peak) however i never did cardio ever!!!!
That's a lot of weight to add in a relatively short time frame. You've added over 1 stone every year!!! crazy. And no cardio!!
Of course from a bodybuilding perspective, mass is important no doubt.
But the trouble is, I think too many guys become more and more obsessed with getting as big as they possibily can beyond reasonable doubt and ultimately end up ruining their physique and their health in a quest to do so.
Without trying to sound rude, 90% of the guys I've seen who are using stupid amounts..etc. don't have the physique to justify what they use. They all wanna be bigger than the next guy. I don't know what your stats are, but 17 stone is a lot of weight to be carrying about.
so my plan for this next 12 months was to try and get fit and try and retain some size.
I think that's definately the way to go mate.
So what if you lose a little size or feel skinny? By the sound of it from what you said, that extra bulk isn't muscle anyway, it's bodyfat.
Work on your conditioning, lose a few lbs and go from there. It sounds like you've been bulking up for the whole 3 years!! so it's about time...lol Besides, if you are in good condition you can actually look bigger than you are. A lot of it is creating the illusion.
Seriously though, don't sweat about it too much. You can change things and get to where you wanna be. It does take time and it isn't easy, but you can do it with a little dedication and hard work.
Good luck