What do you lot think to this..
My old man was an absent father,never ever home i can recall probably 5-6 times he was home for the night in my entire life,while he never beat me he did play mental mind games and tease me a lot,i realize he was trying to make me a tough guy but went about it the wrong way ,i was avery ,very ill child and really would have benefitted form a father figure

He also beat me mum up alot and i felt bad for not stopping him(although i did try once LMAO Although being 9 you cant do loads lol)

People change and grow and mature,and also make mistakes in life,so i know he maybe a different man,ive never felt any hate its not my way i just felt if he wasnt there for my former years when i needed it,his presence now is too late and a waste,he left when i was 11 and i last spoke to him briefly at a wedding 20 years ago .

I went to see an old school mate while visiting back home and this mate tells me my old man has changed and is a really decent guy,meet lots of other people that say he is the nicest guy going,etc
the next day this mate gave me my dads number telling me my old mans very sorry for the past and wants to make a mends,now the past is the past and done and i hold no hate it only gets to the person who hates but i dont know if to call him and meet up

My lifes ok and going fine without him as it always has,but i feel that if i dont meet him and at least chat that ive done him wrong as he is my dad regardless,but on the other hand i feel its too late and i dont want the hassle of him in my life even if its a now and again background thing,ultimately its my call but id like to hear what youd do if it was you?

Im really nervous at the idea of even hearing his voice if i call ,let alone how id deal with it beyond that

A difficult one... do you need him back in your life? One meeting, to say that you didn't miss the opportunity when it arose (something we can easily regret if the person passes away) even if only to see whether or not he's still a cock. If he is he gets a knock back. If he's not lay down some rules to protect yourself emotionally.

http://www.wheyconsortium.co.uk

Two times British Grip Champ ('06 and '08) and now European Grip champion for 2008!
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thinking on that mobster well put,nice to chat to you after so long mate,good to see you've gone from strength to strength no pun intended

thats really really persona bt if he`d beaten my mum i would probably break his legs and chop his thumbs off, now that im a grown man

Yeah at one stage i could have coldly killed him but lifes not so cut and dry and people are complicated ,im older and chilled if he was anyone else id not even consider thinking about it,but as a son do i owe him at least a meet?

As stated, you don't feel any hate towards him, so what are the negative implications of meeting him?
If things don't go to plan if you meet him, you cut all contact with him. You might get .along and a different relationship may appear?

Or maybe I'm just over simplifying the the whole situation....what ever you do, best of luck mate.

"A man can live and be healthy without killing animals for food; therefore, if he eats meat, he participates in taking animal life merely for the sake of his appetite." Leo Tolstoy

Thanks for the good wishes folks,errm the negs well i know i wont feel any anger but what does worry me is if he tries to be all matey or gives me a sob story of how it was hard for him also,id just get up and walk off ,you know what im prob more concerned if it goes well and i actually like him ,then whatid never considered that until today
i guess i feel i wont win whatever i do and i dont like to make mistakes
edited for grammar

I'd be really suspicious of the 'Mr nice guy' act.
The fact is he hasn't tried contacting you after 20years.
Perhaps he feels guilty and ashamed ......... but not even a letter in all that time!?
Did he pay maintenance?
I understand relationships break down, but he still had a responsibility towards you.

Do you have any fond memories of him?
Has he had more children with anyone else?
Did hang around and be a good dad to them?

Loads of questions mate,

Whatever you do, get him to expose his feeling, let him do the talking. Try to detach yourself, almost like a doctor, patient relationship. If you dont like the answers and worst of all if he is full of self pity about how hard life has been for him. Then take your notepad and pen away, thank him for his time, and just let him know that he's not the kinda person you want to be associated with.

I'd do it.

ORIGINAL: Brucieflea
but as a son do i owe him at least a meet?

well I'd not really say you owed him anything, but, is it better to not meet him and wonder if it would have been better to, or meet him and possibly wish you hadn't?

Perhaps take a very cool, non commital approach and give yourself plently of time to consider if, after meeting him, you want to be in contact with him over the longer term?

Best of luck anyway

thanks old pals :)
Well he has had another kid but she from what i hear doesnt talk to him but i also hear its more her being to blame,maintenance not a penny never got me a gift in my life nor put one penny into our home,infact he had a women on the side he would take her wages off her and give her spending money,while he had new motorbikes every six months from when i was born until he left

I keep feeling why bother then i think maybe i have too,hmm

I'm sorry mate but in my eyes you don't owe him jack ****. If it were me I wouldn't have anything to do with him. Some things can't be forgotten and some things certainly can't be forgiven, a man who beat my mum and/or was completely absent during my childhood when he had a DUTY to be there does not deserve a thing from me. That's my view anyway.

Similarish experience for me but didn't get a chance to meet a dad who had changed - not saying you should just because of that though.

Worst case you meet him and he is still a tosser which you already know and don't have a massive problem with.

Id rather do that than be sat wondering.

Good luck bud.

Constantine's Crossfit Journal

Bruce, the more you say about him the less inclined I'd be if I was in your shoes.

http://www.wheyconsortium.co.uk

Two times British Grip Champ ('06 and '08) and now European Grip champion for 2008!
Click here for my gripper e-book

Thanks all,i wont knee jerk react and mull it over
thanks again

You know my story mate, you have an opportunity here I myself will never have.

However, take it or leave, you will be doing the right thing for you regardless, that's what counts mate.

Osagi

Email: mr.osagi@hotmail.com

Form Follows Function - An MT Community Journal

www.avmovietalk.co.uk
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Thanks a million Osagi ,you already know that your view is held in high esteem by me ,i think at the root of it thats what i feel meaning lots of people never had the chance

ill email you over the weekend and the rest of my old pals.but the kids are about now so im on and off the PC

i've only read your first post, my gut says go and meet him. i'm in a very similar position, so maybe not the best person to give advice. my gut just says to meet him, you're older and more in control of your emotions now, things can always be on your terms.

I was contacted by my dad last year he and my mother split when i was 1 ,35yrs ago ..No bday cards or any contact .In my eyes a boy needs a role model and a male figure to turn to .Personally made my teen yrs v hard lots of fighting and sticking up for myself..We did meet and to be honest i gave him a hard time how can a farther leave his son i could never do that to my boy having gone through what i have..Meet him if you like but if like me you have gone through all the s**t you dont need him .Never met him again dont need him no matter how sorry he was.....