sensitive problem

hi,
im28yo and my wife is 25yo - she gave me a baby boy 10 mths ago - which is geat and im so happy about that - but there is a problem i cant solve myself - its about her weight-
she obviously gained weight (a lot of it ) when she was pregnant - but she doesnt seem to care about it - dont know how to motivate her to loose it (at least some of it) without hurting hef feelings.
 
did you have simmilar problem?

A tough one mate.
 
In my experience a person has to want to change for them to change. Rarely will I work with a person who has been 'sent' to me unless it is by their coach or doctor.
 
But be warned trying too hard to coax a person into wanting to change, as well as making someone change purely for your benefit can damage a relationship.
 
 

it wouldnt be just for my benefit - she would feel better too :) she used to have VERY nice shape 

did she train before the baby? If she did then is it time, being tired, post natel depression that is stopping her? being home with a baby does change your priorities. If its just getting her back to the gym can you get a baby sitter and get her to go with you? or suggest you will have the baby while she goes and has some time to herself? If she didnt train before I dont know what you can say without risking a smack in the face to be honest!

Yes agree is a tough one, ive been in exactly the same situation. It is obviously bothering you which is understandable but what worked for me was taking the initiative in leading a healthy lifestyle. I started going to the gym on a regular basis, cooked healthy and didnt deviate from that. It was almost like reverse phychology as when I got into shape, it seemed to have a knock on effect.
 
As has been mentioned, she has to want to do it herself but there are subtle things you can do that might help

Hope that helps

ok from a female perspective I would agree the worst thing to do would be to say anything about her shape of size that implies she is not as she was before - as you are obviously aware.
The main point being - I am quite sure she knows already so it would be a pointless exercise.
 
When a woman gives her birth her body is very likely to change and in some ways this could be a permanent change like the shape (not always in a bad way). She is also likely to feel negative about this if it wasnt an improvement and so her self esteem maybe low. What she may then do is try to ignore it or even not bother about it as she is more concerned with looking after the baby which is of course exhausting and distracting from the fact she has gained weight- as  I am sure you know.
 
Anyway often it is compliments that give her the confidence to change herself 'if and when she is ready'....and i have chosen that wording carefully....
Ultimately you love her and are not shallow enough to be with her purely for her pre-baby figure so while being supportive and complimentary I suggest YOU get over that fact she has changed and hasnt found the energy to do anything about it just yet.
 
I mean all of this in th enicest possible way mate

If someone isn't ready then there's nothing you can do about it.
 
If she's happy with the way she is at the moment, is it really a drastic problem?
 
How is her eating? If it's off, that's probably the one elpful thing you can do, that will have a positive effect and be really helpful too. If you do all the cooking then that leaves you in charge of what she puts into her body

i have the opposite problem in that after i had a baby i lost weight (lost muscle) and even though most women would be happy to be slimmer after a baby, my husband married a muscley chick, not a skinny one, and he has encouraged me in every way to get back into the gym. Even though he says it all in a helpful positive way, and backs it up with saying that he loves me as i am now aswell,  all it does is point out to me that im not what i was  (as rach says above) . It is definitely a tricky one, i dont think you can say or do much at all. She could be desparately unhappy with how she looks now but sometimes that cant even motivate somebody who is caught up with a new baby/new identity/ stressed and tired. The only thing i can suggest is giving her plenty of time out to do her own thing and have a break. If she keeps in touch with her sense of self and being a person in her own right, she will be more likely to take some pride in how she looks and hopefully at some point will decide to lose a little weight. But you definitely cant force it, and the fact is, having a baby changes women, it changes their bodies and it changes their minds.

I agree with Jess about the possibility of post natal depression which could easily be the case and a good number of women aren't even aware they have suffered or are suffering from it.
 
It may be something to check out, if she's tired or seems like she's not interested in  much at all (aside from getting back in shape) then time to see a doctor just to check.
 
Not sure if 10 months is an overly long time after having given birth, as I have heard that the female body does need time to recover from it and some women  that have rushed the process have ended up suffering physical discomfort and issues for decades afterwards. But, 10 months sounds reasonable all the same.
 
You could try discussing fitness levels without bringing body shape/size in to the discussion at all; still best to check with a GP though in case there is an underlying issue.

help out with the baby, do lots of housework, do lots of healthy cooking, go for some nice joint walks with the buggy but DONT mention her weight unless she does...!
good luck give it time xx

Good grief, 10 months isn't long at all. Chances are she's still adjusting - physically, emotionally, mentally - to having a baby, being a Mum. Give her a chance.
 
Of course, if and when she does decide she wants to go to the gym every day, you'll be very happy to stay at home with Jnr for a couple of hours of an evening and/or get him ready for school etc, right?  

As the others have said, 10 months really isn't a long time at all... give her a chance.
 
There isn't really a way of telling her to lose weight without getting a smack in the face but really you can't tell her or advise her, she has to decide for herself and when she is ready you should do all you can to support her, which I'm sure you will

No, I wouldnt mention her weight to her, unless she initiates it. If she hasnt went back to work and/or is still stuck in all day with baby then that is all her mind will be focused on. That was certainly the case for me (although I was alone) I was just so in love with this precious little person, and all that they required, that nothing else mattered... Not even the 2 and a half stone that just 'magically' appeared whilst pregnant!
 
So, yes... although 10 months isnt that long, its still long enough for her to appreciate having a little time away from him. As others have said, start by encouraging that. Also babies at 10 months will be weaned onto solids. So cooking healthy meals for herself and adjusting those to him are a must, in my eyes. (I detest those little jars of mush!)
 
So, aye thats my 2 bobs worth. Good luck :)

Mergal


help out with the baby, do lots of housework, do lots of healthy cooking, go for some nice joint walks with the buggy but DONT mention her weight unless she does...!
good luck give it time xx

^^^ great post Mergal

Animal28


hi,
im28yo and my wife is 25yo - she gave me a baby boy 10 mths ago - which is geat and im so happy about that - but there is a problem i cant solve myself - its about her weight-
she obviously gained weight (a lot of it ) when she was pregnant - but she doesnt seem to care about it - dont know how to motivate her to loose it (at least some of it) without hurting hef feelings.

did you have simmilar problem?

 
How about she is more focussed on a being a good Mum to your son than how she looks....surely that is more important at this stage of your sons life? Really, good parenting is all that really matters at the moment
..... You will find that when your WIFE IS READY she will find the time to take care of herself, not when you think she should be ready...Try not to make it an issue she may come to resent you for it.
 
It took me until my third child was a little over 18months old before I started to take care of myself again.....and I gained 7.5 stones in 9 months.