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Roger Mellie
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2015/01/21 18:37:09 (permalink)
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Being rejected in bars / clubs?

Just wondering how you guys handle being rejected when talking to women in bars or clubs? I am one of those people who has always battled with low self-esteem, but went out a lot about two years back to try and improve my confidence around people. I had some friendly reactions, but some women were just pissed off or annoyed that I had even talked to them; or if they detected any lack of confidence would make very little effort to continue the conversation.
 
I know that not all women want to meet guys but then some of them do. I can't quite figure out if the really rude responses some women give are common or not, but I guess I don't find it easy to process them without reflecting on myself and having the feeling I have overstepped the mark, or done something wrong in talking to that woman.
 
I accept it could be all about looks, but then I am tall and average - not a monster at all. Am I just trying to make sense out of a superficial environment, or is it just down to attitude and confidence?
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Rob Reynolds
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Re: Being rejected in bars / clubs? 2015/01/21 18:47:40 (permalink)☄ Helpfulby Roger Mellie 2015/01/21 19:22:11
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I have been in the same situation several times. I started going to clubs and bars like 3 years ago, mostly because I wanted to drink, enjoy the environment and by chance talk to some woman or for better even find a girlfriend or a wife. I always went alone which was a big turn-off to begin with, top of that I was just drinking (mostly drunk) and smoking all my time in the club which again wasn't a great thing until and unless the woman you approached herself enjoyed drinking. It was always a 50-50 game for me, half of the woman I approached talked with me and half of them straight away ignored me, but at the end I am still single.
 
I am sure most of the woman that come in the clubs and bars are there for the sake of time pass and their own fun and enjoyment preferably with friends and not to talk to some total drunk stranger at the club. They won't even trust you at the first place man. Sometimes you can try very hard, you can look good, wear your best clothes, smell nice or come across as a rich dude even then you can have a hard time impressing women at the club. Its always a confusing game, so I have stopped going to the clubs altogether.
 
I think the risk is worth it, considering it was a 50-50 game for me. Once you are drunk and you have a woman talk to you and be nice to you it can make your night, but if she rejects you, you are not likely to be offended as you were drunk anyways. If the memory comes back few days later, then you might get haunted and feel bad about it or it can even put your confidence down when it comes to approaching women in the future, but like I said if you want a good time for free at a club then you have to take the risk.
 
I have other problems too, I am not English-speaking, I am not White (considering 90% of women at the clubs are white-skinned or from European countries), it serious puts me at a disadvantage. Much depends on your intention also, whether you are looking for a one-night stand or a long-term relationship or friendship only. I always talked to women at the clubs because I was looking for girlfriend (something I have never had till this age which is 26). If I ever go to clubs again I am not drinking or smoking anything, it will be clean night with pizza and an apple juice and if I find a girlfriend it will just be a bonus for me.
post edited by Rob Reynolds - 2015/01/21 18:49:21
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crooks
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Re: Being rejected in bars / clubs? 2015/01/21 19:47:56 (permalink)
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Rob Reynolds is back!!!
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lancs_lad
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Re: Being rejected in bars / clubs? 2015/01/21 20:13:59 (permalink)☄ Helpfulby Roger Mellie 2015/01/21 22:14:26
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Its down to looks, confidence and your general presence in the room.
 
Back in the day when I was being a lad around town I would "pull" most nights I went out.  I never approached a women cold, for any approach to happen some eye contact exchanges would of needed to happen.
 
Now those days are a distant memory as pending father hood and wedding loom :-)
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Rob Reynolds
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Re: Being rejected in bars / clubs? 2015/01/21 20:21:48 (permalink)
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lancs_lad
Its down to looks, confidence and your general presence in the room.
 
Back in the day when I was being a lad around town I would "pull" most nights I went out.  I never approached a women cold, for any approach to happen some eye contact exchanges would of needed to happen.
 
Now those days are a distant memory as pending father hood and wedding loom :-)




Its almost cruel if its all about looks, confidence and the general presence in the room. But what about the guys who don't have any of that? Sure confidence can be faked, but sometimes even that's not enough. I have approached women with confidence but sometimes even that comes across as stupid. I think the correct answer here would be 'Its down to the woman's mood when she is being approached.'
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lancs_lad
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Re: Being rejected in bars / clubs? 2015/01/21 20:25:34 (permalink)
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The world is a cruel place.  Try internet dating, it seems to work for the "undateables" (ch4) !!!
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Rob Reynolds
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Re: Being rejected in bars / clubs? 2015/01/21 20:29:29 (permalink)
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lancs_lad
The world is a cruel place.  Try internet dating, it seems to work for the "undateables" (ch4) !!!


lancs_lad
The world is a cruel place.  Try internet dating, it seems to work for the "undateables" (ch4) !!!



I will try that tonight. I am serious.
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Wes Borland
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Re: Being rejected in bars / clubs? 2015/01/21 20:49:35 (permalink)☄ Helpfulby Roger Mellie 2015/01/21 22:06:09
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Roger Mellie
Just wondering how you guys handle being rejected when talking to women in bars or clubs? I am one of those people who has always battled with low self-esteem, but went out a lot about two years back to try and improve my confidence around people. I had some friendly reactions, but some women were just pissed off or annoyed that I had even talked to them; or if they detected any lack of confidence would make very little effort to continue the conversation.
 
I know that not all women want to meet guys but then some of them do. I can't quite figure out if the really rude responses some women give are common or not, but I guess I don't find it easy to process them without reflecting on myself and having the feeling I have overstepped the mark, or done something wrong in talking to that woman.
 
I accept it could be all about looks, but then I am tall and average - not a monster at all. Am I just trying to make sense out of a superficial environment, or is it just down to attitude and confidence?


It's a combination of the above. Just make the most of what you've got.

There's nothing wrong in talking to a woman. If they're rude it's their problem. I wouldn't want to date someone who wasn't mature enough to be polite.

You sound similar to myself. I did far better when I stopped taking talking to women less seriously. It took the pressure off and I loosened up and my interactions got better.

Try and see rejection as feedback. If your consistently getting rejected then you're just lacking some skill. Skill can be improved over time.
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Roger Mellie
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Re: Being rejected in bars / clubs? 2015/01/21 22:14:08 (permalink)
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Thanks Wes. I am convinced in addition to looks it is about who you are "seen with" in some places. I definitely need to stop taking it seriously, but for someone whose starting point was low self esteem, the reactions I got from some women hit me pretty hard. 
 
I agree rejection can be feedback. By the way I am terrible for taking every interaction with attractive women seriously. Even at work I am worried they will think I am hitting on them or being creepy, so I end up avoiding small talk, and then come across as less friendly. 
 
I need to give myself a kick up the backside and get back out there. The strange thing is I don't think I am an undateable - it is just getting past the initial barrier of social confidence and meeting the person without them getting the impression I am too nervous.
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Re: Being rejected in bars / clubs? 2015/01/21 23:26:26 (permalink)☄ Helpfulby Roger Mellie 2015/01/22 00:38:05
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My old line was AWFUL!!!! but it was said in a way that made it a laugh and it was generally followed up by a well you do better. "How much does a polar bear weigh"...................... "Enough to break the ice"
 
If they have a sense of humour you'll probably find you get into a conversation then you're just freestyling the rest so confidence has to come through or it'll fall flat on it's face.
 
But guess what then try it again, just not on her mate who she has just told about this weird who came out with this awful line and then had nothing else to say.
 
I'd say have a laugh with it, don't be too serious and you'll be fine. The more relaxed you are the better you come across.
 
Those days are gone for me too as I'm just in the middle of wedding plans for next year................ So it must have worked for me in the past!!
 
Cheers
 
Andy
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Roger Mellie
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Re: Being rejected in bars / clubs? 2015/01/22 00:38:38 (permalink)
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All you lucky blokes tying the knot. 
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faipdeooiad
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Re: Being rejected in bars / clubs? 2015/01/22 00:44:11 (permalink)
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'Never been rejected in a nightclub once' crew checking in.

(It's not because I ain't a god-damn sexual tyrannosaurus (which I am), it's because I met my now wife in high school and we've been together since we were both 15)
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fairhouse
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Re: Being rejected in bars / clubs? 2015/01/22 00:50:24 (permalink)☄ Helpfulby Shae 2015/01/22 13:11:34
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Well nowadays feminists are telling us that saying "hello" and "good morning" is harrassment, so it's a tricky game.
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Re: Being rejected in bars / clubs? 2015/01/22 03:33:04 (permalink)
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It's gaining confidence. Most of us as teens have a certain problem in approaching the opposite sex when we see someone we like.
I was unbelievably shy and introvert as a young lad and into my twenties. Most of us grow out of this social anxiety. Then again, a situation such as public speaking can affect even the most streetwise and socially extrovert personality. It's confidence.
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dazzz
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Re: Being rejected in bars / clubs? 2015/01/22 04:23:46 (permalink)
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I always found being a wing man for someone made it a piece of piss for me. When i went in not wanting the girl because i had a gf, they'd be all over me. But then when I was single I was really shy so never bothered trying to pull in clubs, and just got sh*t faced instead

  




 
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makaveli1971 1996
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Re: Being rejected in bars / clubs? 2015/01/22 07:11:10 (permalink)
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I can't believe why the guys in this thread are wondering why they can't get a woman in a club, you sound creepy as f*ck.

You have to remember how it is for girls, most guys are like dogs on heat (this thread seems a good example of this) so they get tired of guys trying it on, especially ones who are complete strangers to them, sure there'll be some sl*tty girls who will love it and probably take you back and f*ck you that night, but if you want a girl for a serious relationship it's unlikely you are going to meet one who is a complete stranger to you in a bar/nightclub.

Girls will always go for guys that they actually know rather than a stranger in a club who just looks like another desparate lad who isn't getting any.

I met my children's mum in a club when I was 18, and the attention she was getting from guys I'd seriously never seen anything like before, obviously I was thinking she is Fukin beautiful and I'd love to shag her, but could see she has the pick of the whole 3000 capacity club, so I weren't gonna go there, continued with my night doing my own sh*t and then guess what she came to me.

What I've noticed is the less interested you are, the more interested they are in you, sure 95% of girls will want the guy to make the first move but how I see it, is if they want me that much then they can make it happen.

Girls are strange as f*ck at times, I mean once I was on a bus and there was this stunning girl who came on and sat next to me, the whole journey she just kept looking at me smiling etc, this went on for a 30 min bus ride, at first I just ignored and thought I'm not going there, and that I'll let her try it if she wants to, but she persistently kept looking smiling, it got stupid and to the point where I thought this girl wants me to make a move, so as I got off I said, do you wanna give me your number and she was like no, at that point I just laughed, and thought how Fukin strange are girls, it's like they want the validation that you would be interested in them and then bam when you are, they're like fuk you.

So as I say I let them come to me, I'm not some disparate guy who lives his life pussy whipped and thinking about women 24/7, I focus on me myself and I and my children, and if women cross my path through work or what ever and we hit it off then great, but that's natural and how it should happen in my book.

Not appearing at a club like hundreds of other guys with your c*ck in your hand going up to women you have never seen before, it's just not cool in my book, unless they are friends or friends or something, then that gives more reason to have a genuine conversation and try to hit it off.

Most women I know go out for a good time with their friends, and not to be harassed by men, and a fair percentage of them will have a man they love at home so when you come over like a dog on heat, they think seriously fuk off, and I don't blame them.

When trying your luck with a woman, it has to happen in a way that you are not trying your luck, another example once I was in a long queue entering a night club, these girls that were in the same pub before were behind us and the hot girls mate, was saying she didn't have cash and would have to go cash point so she could get in, obviously meaning she'd have to join the back of the queue again, so I turned and said to the hot one I'll pay for your mate and then inside there's a cash point and you can give me the Tenner back, she was like aww that's well cute, so I just paid for the hot girl and she paid for her mate when we got in she went cash point got the Tenner, which I took back and was like that was soo nice thanks, and then guess what she wanted me cause she thought I was a cute genuine guy who was just being nice, I was chuffed cause in the pub before me and my mates were like she is fecking fit so after our kiss and that my mates were waiting, I let her go with her mates took her number and said I'll see you around the club later, when I approached my mates they were just like you dodgy b*stard, and I had this big grin on my face.

What I'm trying to say is you can't just go in all gun ho, it's not attractive, and it's far more attractive if it happens like in the situation I explained above.

But as someone said try internet dating.

If you love something let it go,if it comes back to you it's yours,if it doesn't it never was.
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detxed
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Re: Being rejected in bars / clubs? 2015/01/22 07:25:50 (permalink)☄ Helpfulby Blub2abs 2015/01/22 16:03:36
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Rob Reynolds
I have been in the same situation several times. I started going to clubs and bars like 3 years ago, mostly because I wanted to drink, enjoy the environment and by chance talk to some woman or for better even find a girlfriend or a wife. I always went alone which was a big turn-off to begin with, top of that I was just drinking (mostly drunk) and smoking all my time in the club which again wasn't a great thing until and unless the woman you approached herself enjoyed drinking. It was always a 50-50 game for me, half of the woman I approached talked with me and half of them straight away ignored me, but at the end I am still single.
 
I am sure most of the woman that come in the clubs and bars are there for the sake of time pass and their own fun and enjoyment preferably with friends and not to talk to some total drunk stranger at the club. They won't even trust you at the first place man. Sometimes you can try very hard, you can look good, wear your best clothes, smell nice or come across as a rich dude even then you can have a hard time impressing women at the club. Its always a confusing game, so I have stopped going to the clubs altogether.
 
I think the risk is worth it, considering it was a 50-50 game for me. Once you are drunk and you have a woman talk to you and be nice to you it can make your night, but if she rejects you, you are not likely to be offended as you were drunk anyways. If the memory comes back few days later, then you might get haunted and feel bad about it or it can even put your confidence down when it comes to approaching women in the future, but like I said if you want a good time for free at a club then you have to take the risk.
 
I have other problems too, I am not English-speaking, I am not White (considering 90% of women at the clubs are white-skinned or from European countries), it serious puts me at a disadvantage. Much depends on your intention also, whether you are looking for a one-night stand or a long-term relationship or friendship only. I always talked to women at the clubs because I was looking for girlfriend (something I have never had till this age which is 26). If I ever go to clubs again I am not drinking or smoking anything, it will be clean night with pizza and an apple juice and if I find a girlfriend it will just be a bonus for me.




 
And the first woman who shows some interest and you ll dive in ....hook line and sinker.
 
Best advice you will ever get - if she earns less than 25k walk away and if she earns more reserve judgement until you ve met her family and friends....walk away if they are odd !
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dazzz
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Re: Being rejected in bars / clubs? 2015/01/22 07:28:33 (permalink)
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makaveli1971 1996
I can't believe why the guys in this thread are wondering why they can't get a woman in a club, you sound creepy as f*ck.

You have to remember how it is for girls, most guys are like dogs on heat (this thread seems a good example of this) so they get tired of guys trying it on, especially ones who are complete strangers to them, sure there'll be some sl*tty girls who will love it and probably take you back and f*ck you that night, but if you want a girl for a serious relationship it's unlikely you are going to meet one who is a complete stranger to you in a bar/nightclub.

Girls will always go for guys that they actually know rather than a stranger in a club who just looks like another desparate lad who isn't getting any.

I met my children's mum in a club when I was 18, and the attention she was getting from guys I'd seriously never seen anything like before, obviously I was thinking she is Fukin beautiful and I'd love to shag her, but could see she has the pick of the whole 3000 capacity club, so I weren't gonna go there, continued with my night doing my own sh*t and then guess what she came to me.

What I've noticed is the less interested you are, the more interested they are in you, sure 95% of girls will want the guy to make the first move but how I see it, is if they want me that much then they can make it happen.

Girls are strange as f*ck at times, I mean once I was on a bus and there was this stunning girl who came on and sat next to me, the whole journey she just kept looking at me smiling etc, this went on for a 30 min bus ride, at first I just ignored and thought I'm not going there, and that I'll let her try it if she wants to, but she persistently kept looking smiling, it got stupid and to the point where I thought this girl wants me to make a move, so as I got off I said, do you wanna give me your number and she was like no, at that point I just laughed, and thought how Fukin strange are girls, it's like they want the validation that you would be interested in them and then bam when you are, they're like fuk you.

So as I say I let them come to me, I'm not some disparate guy who lives his life pussy whipped and thinking about women 24/7, I focus on me myself and I and my children, and if women cross my path through work or what ever and we hit it off then great, but that's natural and how it should happen in my book.

Not appearing at a club like hundreds of other guys with your c*ck in your hand going up to women you have never seen before, it's just not cool in my book, unless they are friends or friends or something, then that gives more reason to have a genuine conversation and try to hit it off.

Most women I know go out for a good time with their friends, and not to be harassed by men, and a fair percentage of them will have a man they love at home so when you come over like a dog on heat, they think seriously fuk off, and I don't blame them.

When trying your luck with a woman, it has to happen in a way that you are not trying your luck, another example once I was in a long queue entering a night club, these girls that were in the same pub before were behind us and the hot girls mate, was saying she didn't have cash and would have to go cash point so she could get in, obviously meaning she'd have to join the back of the queue again, so I turned and said to the hot one I'll pay for your mate and then inside there's a cash point and you can give me the Tenner back, she was like aww that's well cute, so I just paid for the hot girl and she paid for her mate when we got in she went cash point got the Tenner, which I took back and was like that was soo nice thanks, and then guess what she wanted me cause she thought I was a cute genuine guy who was just being nice, I was chuffed cause in the pub before me and my mates were like she is fecking fit so after our kiss and that my mates were waiting, I let her go with her mates took her number and said I'll see you around the club later, when I approached my mates they were just like you dodgy b*stard, and I had this big grin on my face.

What I'm trying to say is you can't just go in all gun ho, it's not attractive, and it's far more attractive if it happens like in the situation I explained above.

But as someone said try internet dating.
This is all i could think about reading that
post edited by dazzz - 2015/01/22 07:30:16

  




 
#18
makaveli1971 1996
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Re: Being rejected in bars / clubs? 2015/01/22 07:48:06 (permalink)
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That's certainly not me, I can count the number of good looking girls I've had on one hand, now compare that to some of my mates for example they've shagged hundreds of stunners.

Guess were just different in the respect that they make it happen and I don't, and I'd guess even if I did I wouldn't get know here near their level of numbers.

If you love something let it go,if it comes back to you it's yours,if it doesn't it never was.
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dazzz
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Re: Being rejected in bars / clubs? 2015/01/22 07:53:59 (permalink)
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makaveli1971 1996
That's certainly not me, I can count the number of good looking girls I've had on one hand, now compare that to some of my mates for example they've shagged hundreds of stunners.

Guess were just different in the respect that they make it happen and I don't, and I'd guess even if I did I wouldn't get know here near their level of numbers.


Its more the tone then anything else... just reminded me of swiss toni. " pulling a girl is very much like making love to a beautiful woman"

Nothing wrong with what you said to be fair.

  




 
#20
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