YB
BannerBanner

Childhood Trauma and low self esteem

Page: 12 > Showing page 1 of 2
Author
Poppycat
New Member
  • Total Posts : 73
  • Reward points: 2214
  • Joined: 2005/08/06 23:42:25
  • Status: offline
2006/07/09 10:31:12 (permalink)

Childhood Trauma and low self esteem

Do you think its possible to recover from severe childhood trauma, or will it always haunt you and devestate your life?

I was badly abused from a very young age and I have no self esteem whatsoever. I thought time would heal but I have had a lot of bad luck throughout my life which in many ways has confirmed to me that I am a worthless failure. I did try councelling but that increased my depression as I remembered more of what happened to me and I just don't feel strong enough to try it again. Its also too expensive (my NHS area only gives 6 weeks - I need years).

I'm hanging onto my sanity by the skin of my teeth and I'm loseing all hope now. I have no family and I lost most of my friends as my depression increased. I am too depressed to meet up with those left. I know other people have had a lot worse lives than me, but even they manage to have friends and boyfriends and I feel so inadequate and such a failure that I can't recover too. I'm not even sure I'm still human - I'm just some 'thing'. Given that councelling is not an easy/worthwhile option, is there anything else that may help? I've heard cranial sacral therpy is good, and perhaps hypnotism would help me feel better about myself and worthy of having friends. I just feel so devestated that I will never love and be loved in return by another person (I haven't dated in over 10 years) and that I will spend my life in isolation from other people.

Anything you think might help please let me know. I'll never kill myself or anything as I have 2 kittens that I love, so I would never leave them. I train with weights 4-5 times a week and also go to dance class about 4 hours a week to try and keep myself fit and my mind occupied. Anti-depressants don't work for me (and I've tried a few) as my depression is due to my life and my lonliness, not a chemical inbalance as such.
#1

20 Replies Related Threads

    USA DEALS
    kitty
    Moderator & BNBF Pro
    • Total Posts : 38989
    • Reward points: 12248
    • Joined: 2003/08/26 10:52:24
    • Location: Chorley, Lancashire
    • Status: offline
    RE: Childhood Trauma and low self esteem 2006/07/09 11:40:03 (permalink)
    Poppycat, so sorry to hear you feel like this. I can only suggest you do need to go back to your Doctor and stress that you need longer therapy. Sometimes the only way to deal with things is to face up to them but you need professional help for this. Even by simply posting this to strangers on the net is a step forward to you doing something for yourself but it's not really appropriate for the type of help you need.

    You have to remember that whatever happened was not your fault, you did nothing wrong no matter what was said to you at the time. Look at it form an adult point of view and not the inner child that is obviously still in there and hurting from it all. No one is worth you feeling negative about yourself. Learn to love yourself first and it should come naturally for you to start to love others. Take care and I hope you get the help you deserve.
    #2
    freak_in_cage
    Pro-Member
    • Total Posts : 3768
    • Reward points: 8883
    • Joined: 2004/12/31 22:21:55
    • Status: offline
    RE: Childhood Trauma and low self esteem 2006/07/09 12:54:18 (permalink)
    well said kitty

    i agree- i am terribly sorry to hear that Poppycat.

    with regards to getting too upset about councelling- its very unhealthy in the long term to lock up & bury your emotions, it causes depression- something that you are clearly suffering from (and undertsandably). however, in order to let your emotions out, become free from them so you can live your life, its necassary to sometimes discuss them, face them, accept them so you can move on. this period is of course vv upsetting, but necassary in order to progress.

    another thing to accept is that what has happened will always be with you, as are deaths in the family, eating disorders etc etc (not that they are even close to what you have expercienced, but the same principle applies). however, with time & help things become more bearable, but you must face them with the help of a professional.

    its good that you have kittens, something to love and attend- personally i find animals the most rewarding things.

    i strongly urge you to consult your GP on this. feel free to post on this board about progress etc, im sure others will be concerned for you
    #3
    Daz-MT
    Pro-Member
    • Total Posts : 4445
    • Reward points: 4540
    • Joined: 2006/05/21 14:59:43
    • Status: offline
    RE: Childhood Trauma and low self esteem 2006/07/09 13:00:23 (permalink)
    Hi although I can't imagine to begin how things are at the moment or make any comparisons to my life I do feel for you immensely. I had a bit of a dodgy childhood but I suppose you could say I was one of the lucky ones and was 'saved' before it was too late.

    The fact that you've spoke up clearly shows you're willing to reach out and ask for help which is a very good thing. The internet is a brilliant place to talk anonymously to people about how you're feeling without ever having to let them too close like in real life.

    If there's anything I can do or you ever just want to let off some steam feel free to mail me / add MSN on dazelliott @hotmail.com
    #4
    freak_in_cage
    Pro-Member
    • Total Posts : 3768
    • Reward points: 8883
    • Joined: 2004/12/31 22:21:55
    • Status: offline
    RE: Childhood Trauma and low self esteem 2006/07/09 13:21:07 (permalink)
    1 other thing, there may well be a forum for ppl who have suffered a similar trauma whom you can discuss things anomalously and in safetly.

    i hope whoever it was who did it i in prison!
    #5
    Clair1111
    Pro-Member
    • Total Posts : 3262
    • Reward points: 6897
    • Joined: 2004/11/09 14:27:45
    • Location: Poshville
    • Status: offline
    RE: Childhood Trauma and low self esteem 2006/07/09 13:25:58 (permalink)
    Poppycat - bless ya babe!

    I know how you feel about therapy love but you must go back as Kitty mentions and re-stress to your doctor you need professional help! Cutting a very long story short I was eventually forced into therapy and to be honest was the best thing I ever did...it was not nice what so ever and I spent A LOT of time by myself mulling over things....but I exercised my demons, and sh1t me I felt great for it!

    Their are a few good websites about that will let you get a handle on information etc but I would be very careful about actually getting advice or talking to people that have yet to recover from their own issues, as you need to soley concentrate on yourself and you need positive directions on the road of recovery from people who have actually done it! You must concentrate on you babe, I ended up channeling all my emotions onto other peoples problems and that is just avoiding the issues!

    The fact that you state killing yourself isnt an option proves you are a strong women - please find the strength to give therapy a little more chance and go to your GP.....xxxx


    EDIT: I also just wanted to say how much I admire your strength for posting that & your determination at wanting to find a solution - so many people wander through life wallowing in self pity....good on you hun x
    post edited by Clair1111 - 2006/07/09 13:31:44
    #6
    greg_rfc
    New Member
    • Total Posts : 27
    • Reward points: 2279
    • Joined: 2006/07/09 17:08:56
    • Status: offline
    RE: Childhood Trauma and low self esteem 2006/07/09 18:19:46 (permalink)
    I belive you can defo recover, it'll always be there, but people can learn to deal with the most horrible things.
    #7
    Paracelsus
    Pro-Member
    • Total Posts : 6455
    • Reward points: 9666
    • Joined: 2006/06/17 03:03:07
    • Status: offline
    RE: Childhood Trauma and low self esteem 2006/07/09 21:32:17 (permalink)
    ORIGINAL: Poppycat

    I thought time would heal but I have had a lot of bad luck throughout my life which in many ways has confirmed to me that I am a worthless failure.


    This is not true. I'm not sure what else I could say to help you other than what has already been posted, but what you said there is not true.
    #8
    drab4
    Pro-Member
    • Total Posts : 37986
    • Reward points: 9495
    • Joined: 2002/02/26 19:02:40
    • Location: United Kingdom
    • Status: offline
    RE: Childhood Trauma and low self esteem 2006/07/10 07:31:15 (permalink)

    ORIGINAL: Poppycat

    Do you think its possible to recover from severe childhood trauma, or will it always haunt you and devestate your life?

    Yes it's possible to recover

    I used to go to a place where I met many people who have gone through such trauma, and I saw with my own eyes that many made great progress and ended up living happy lives. Because of this place I used to go to (we all lived there, it was residential) I guess I know many dozens of people who've gone through this

    By the way, I have never heard of the NHS only giving someone 6 weeks of therapy. This seems strange! Talk to your doctor about giving you some proper therapy, I've just never heard of them only giving a 6 week trial before. Very odd

    I've had a couple of psychiatrists and a counsellor for a total of I guess 5 years or so. On the NHS. I don't do therapy any more though as I'm recovered. Not from a similar problem to you though, mine was a mental illness. But whatever your problem, you should certainly be able to get more than 6 weeks therapy, I am sure of this

    The internet is a good resource for people who live in isolation. The fact that you're posting on the net is a good sign. Seriously it's a great place to get info if you find it hard to interact with other people in person

    Hope you can be ok
    #9
    Big Les
    Moderator
    • Total Posts : 13595
    • Reward points: 10422
    • Joined: 2001/08/16 23:55:42
    • Status: offline
    RE: Childhood Trauma and low self esteem 2006/07/10 07:44:47 (permalink)
    Ive never heard of 6 weeks only either - that is very odd.
    That said 6 weeks is better than nothing.

    It is possible to move on and stop the negative impact of childhood or any trauma, but as you rightly identify - help is required. Get on at the doc for a referral, see a different doctor, move practice - but the important thing is to batter on. Make an appointment every week and ask every week - if that is what is required.

    Its your life and the quality of it that is important.

    The only thing I can think of is that the department operates a 6 week assessment period after which further thrapy is given where there is a clinical need for it, and that those who can be discharged or referred to a Community Psychiatric Nurse follow those routes. That said a CPN can really help, and often its good to see one before and after therapy as they can offer a lot of help too, practical as well as much as an ear to listen and for you to unload on in confidence.

    A change only takes an instant - acting on the change takes the time -

    #10
    MrChris
    Senior Member
    • Total Posts : 211
    • Reward points: 8426
    • Joined: 2003/09/03 12:47:43
    • Location: Midlands, UK
    • Status: offline
    RE: Childhood Trauma and low self esteem 2006/07/10 10:35:22 (permalink)
    Hi there

    Your NHS Primary Care Service might only offer 6 week therapy 'blocks' due to attempts at waiting list controls. Unfortunately due to the extent of the trauma you have suffered, you are likely to need further work and by the sounds of it the counselling was beginning to work through some of your history, which is why you have started feeling lower and potentially 're-living' some of the trauma.

    First off, go back to your G.P. and get re-referred. In my trust, we have a primary and secondary care service and more complex cases requiring lengthier intervention get referred to us (Secondary care). We have the ability to offer longer periods of intervention (years if it is deemed clinically neccessary). As Les mentioned, you could get a referral to a CPN, who along with providing support, can help refer you to the proper agencies.

    I wish you all the best

    Chris
    #11
    riverrock
    Pro-Member
    • Total Posts : 1372
    • Reward points: 8837
    • Joined: 2005/03/18 17:22:06
    • Location: The Cotswolds
    • Status: offline
    RE: Childhood Trauma and low self esteem 2006/07/10 11:41:30 (permalink)
    You never get over certain things that were traumatic, but you do learn to cope.

    I can promise you from first hand experience that things get better, but you must seek help. Councilling in Uni helped me to realise that certain things aren't your fault, you didn't deserve it, but you have to understand that what happened was a reflection on those around you.

    let go of resentment and hatred towards anyone else as it only punishes yourself further.
    #12
    Trident
    Pro-Member
    • Total Posts : 20064
    • Reward points: 14250
    • Joined: 2001/08/25 13:33:52
    • Status: offline
    RE: Childhood Trauma and low self esteem 2006/07/10 12:40:31 (permalink)

    ORIGINAL: Poppycat

    Do you think its possible to recover from severe childhood trauma, or will it always haunt you and devestate your life?

    I was badly abused from a very young age and I have no self esteem whatsoever. I thought time would heal but I have had a lot of bad luck throughout my life which in many ways has confirmed to me that I am a worthless failure. I did try councelling but that increased my depression as I remembered more of what happened to me and I just don't feel strong enough to try it again. Its also too expensive (my NHS area only gives 6 weeks - I need years).

    I'm hanging onto my sanity by the skin of my teeth and I'm loseing all hope now. I have no family and I lost most of my friends as my depression increased. I am too depressed to meet up with those left. I know other people have had a lot worse lives than me, but even they manage to have friends and boyfriends and I feel so inadequate and such a failure that I can't recover too. I'm not even sure I'm still human - I'm just some 'thing'. Given that councelling is not an easy/worthwhile option, is there anything else that may help? I've heard cranial sacral therpy is good, and perhaps hypnotism would help me feel better about myself and worthy of having friends. I just feel so devestated that I will never love and be loved in return by another person (I haven't dated in over 10 years) and that I will spend my life in isolation from other people.

    Anything you think might help please let me know. I'll never kill myself or anything as I have 2 kittens that I love, so I would never leave them. I train with weights 4-5 times a week and also go to dance class about 4 hours a week to try and keep myself fit and my mind occupied. Anti-depressants don't work for me (and I've tried a few) as my depression is due to my life and my lonliness, not a chemical inbalance as such.


    Hello my friend,

    I too had a very bad childhood and suffered much abuse untill i was about 14, then it eased a bit and it was just mental and emotional abuse and no violence.

    I felt the same as you do untill about 25 years old then after long periods od counciling i came to terms with the fact that i was infact an OK kind of guy and did not deserve to have suffered the way i did. Counciling told me to focus on the fact that other people had acted wrong, even evil and that i was not to balme and should feel no guilt or blame.

    Its not easy and it takes time but you can find the way to get the weight off your shoulders and live life as an equal to those around you. Never ask yourself "Why?" you suffered the abuse, sometimes there is no answer other than the fact that other people can and do act in sick and terrible ways and for no real reason. Bad people do exist in their own right. Bad i know!

    A good way of coping is to know that you can allways help other people in this life and show kindness and compassion, even if this was not shown to you. Take the past and turn the wrongs around by doing exactly the opposite of what was done to you, be a good person and know that your doing the right thing...Because it ios the right thing.

    Self worth is easy to destroy and hard to manufature, but you can find peace and happiness in your own actions, not allways in the actions of others.

    Its a long road, be strong and allways remember others will allways need your help in this life, Give the gift of love an compassion.

    The past was Then....This is Now!

    Good luck and best Wishes,

    Rich
    #13
    Poppycat
    New Member
    • Total Posts : 73
    • Reward points: 2214
    • Joined: 2005/08/06 23:42:25
    • Status: offline
    RE: Childhood Trauma and low self esteem 2006/07/10 21:17:47 (permalink)
    Thank so much for all of your responses and advice. I really appreciate it.

    I know everyone thinks I should push for more councelling and it seems sensible to listen. I'm pretty sure the 6 week limit is due to funding (I live in a very poor area) but that if I pushed the GP for a referral to a psyciatrist I could possibly get more comprehensive treatment through them. However, I will never see another NHS psyciatrist. Its a very long story but I had a very bad experience with a psyciatrist who tried (and failed) to section me following a misdiagnosis. From a support group I went to for abuse surviors I have heard other horrendous stories about similar misdiagnosis and sectioning, sexual abuse in wards (many are mixed), patients drugged to keep them docile for staff convenience etc etc. There's no way I will ever again go near someone with the power to lock me up on a whim, and on the NHS there's no way of knowing who you will get. I'd rather take out a loan and go private to be honest.

    Although I am not suicidal, I got a lot worse when I did go to councelling. I admit I was sucidal by the end of 6 weeks. I am worried that I could start to get worse again and not realise it. As I live alone, I don't want to put myself in danger. I am not in a position to cope with getting worse just now, but perhaps that gives me time to look into different types of councellor and find a suitable one. I did see someone ages ago (privately) that specialised in child abuse, but he wasn't confident there was much that could be done to help me as I was abused at such a young age and it was so severe. I think I need someone a bit more positive and also someone that can see me in the evenings/weekends as I can't really take time off work. I actually have private health insurance via work and although its supposed to be confidential, I worry they might tell my employer. I could always look into getting some sessions via the insurance then if I liked the councelor/it wasn't making me too depressed then I could carry on privately once I reached my limit. There are possibilities when I feel I can cope with it all.

    Anyway - thanks for your help everyone - very much appreciated.
    #14
    kitty
    Moderator & BNBF Pro
    • Total Posts : 38989
    • Reward points: 12248
    • Joined: 2003/08/26 10:52:24
    • Location: Chorley, Lancashire
    • Status: offline
    RE: Childhood Trauma and low self esteem 2006/07/10 21:43:57 (permalink)
    There should be no need for your company to know anything about what you do through the insurance company and I think you will find that they are not allowed to tell them anything (patient confidentiality). I think that's a great idea if they cover such conditions. If in doubt then ring them up and without giving your name etc just ask them if they do feed back to employers, I think you'll find they don't. Good luck and I sincerely hope you get this sorted.
    #15
    northern35s
    Pro-Member
    • Total Posts : 1162
    • Reward points: 7312
    • Joined: 2006/04/09 22:16:01
    • Location: Blackpool
    • Status: offline
    RE: Childhood Trauma and low self esteem 2006/07/10 21:52:01 (permalink)

    ORIGINAL: Poppycat

    Thank so much for all of your responses and advice. I really appreciate it.

    I know everyone thinks I should push for more councelling and it seems sensible to listen. I'm pretty sure the 6 week limit is due to funding (I live in a very poor area) but that if I pushed the GP for a referral to a psyciatrist I could possibly get more comprehensive treatment through them. However, I will never see another NHS psyciatrist. Its a very long story but I had a very bad experience with a psyciatrist who tried (and failed) to section me following a misdiagnosis. From a support group I went to for abuse surviors I have heard other horrendous stories about similar misdiagnosis and sectioning, sexual abuse in wards (many are mixed), patients drugged to keep them docile for staff convenience etc etc. There's no way I will ever again go near someone with the power to lock me up on a whim, and on the NHS there's no way of knowing who you will get. I'd rather take out a loan and go private to be honest.

    Although I am not suicidal, I got a lot worse when I did go to councelling. I admit I was sucidal by the end of 6 weeks. I am worried that I could start to get worse again and not realise it. As I live alone, I don't want to put myself in danger. I am not in a position to cope with getting worse just now, but perhaps that gives me time to look into different types of councellor and find a suitable one. I did see someone ages ago (privately) that specialised in child abuse, but he wasn't confident there was much that could be done to help me as I was abused at such a young age and it was so severe. I think I need someone a bit more positive and also someone that can see me in the evenings/weekends as I can't really take time off work. I actually have private health insurance via work and although its supposed to be confidential, I worry they might tell my employer. I could always look into getting some sessions via the insurance then if I liked the councelor/it wasn't making me too depressed then I could carry on privately once I reached my limit. There are possibilities when I feel I can cope with it all.

    Anyway - thanks for your help everyone - very much appreciated.



    Heard a report tonight on 5 live about sexual abuse in mental health wards, I can understand and sympathise with your fear.

    As far as counselling goes, do you live anywhere near Blackpool, my wife is a trained and qualified counsellor who presently gives her services for free, she practices in a hospice who's service is free and counsells anyone requiring the service, not just those affected by bereavement. I know she would be only too happy to help.

    Your consellor should go at your pace and not be constrained by a time period, it should take as long as you feel it necessary, my wife had one client who stayed with her for a year and a half, whilst I don't know any of the detail I do know how my wife works as I helped her as much as I could whilst she was studying.

    Your company has no right to see any notes, should the counselling service keep any, confidentiality should be agreed before any counselling takes place, if it doesn't then walk away, it is your right to confidentiality.

    Lastly may I say I am sorry to hear of your plight and hope that things work out for you.

    Stephen
    #16
    skinhead skullcrushe
    Pro-Member
    • Total Posts : 1400
    • Reward points: 1698
    • Joined: 2006/04/21 15:01:48
    • Location: witham, essex
    • Status: offline
    RE: Childhood Trauma and low self esteem 2006/07/10 21:53:24 (permalink)
    some larger employers offer counciling via their HR department. i had a few sessions about 4 years ago and it was totally confidential. might be worth looking into. hope you manage to work your way through this poppycat

    all natural, no proteenz, you only got one liver son------mr angry (jacked fibras cut like diamonds)
    #17
    Trident
    Pro-Member
    • Total Posts : 20064
    • Reward points: 14250
    • Joined: 2001/08/25 13:33:52
    • Status: offline
    RE: Childhood Trauma and low self esteem 2006/07/10 22:04:30 (permalink)
    Poppycat, when your feeling a bit low or having a bad time with things, dont forget to post on here, alot of good people here wth alot of experience of many aspects of life.

    MT is the friendliest Bodybuilding froum on the net

    Regards, Rich
    #18
    Big Les
    Moderator
    • Total Posts : 13595
    • Reward points: 10422
    • Joined: 2001/08/16 23:55:42
    • Status: offline
    RE: Childhood Trauma and low self esteem 2006/07/10 22:22:25 (permalink)
    ORIGINAL: Trident

    MT is the friendliest Bodybuilding froum on the net

    Regards, Rich

    A big Amen to that Brother - A big AMEN!

    big les
    #19
    drab4
    Pro-Member
    • Total Posts : 37986
    • Reward points: 9495
    • Joined: 2002/02/26 19:02:40
    • Location: United Kingdom
    • Status: offline
    RE: Childhood Trauma and low self esteem 2006/07/10 22:58:56 (permalink)
    I wonder if some kind of group therapy might be helpful for you Poppycat

    You say that you're finding it hard to contact your old friends. This is common

    Perhaps group therapy or some other kind of support group would enable you to interact with other people with less "pressure" on you. Maybe you can ask your GP about this if you think it's something you'd be interested in
    #20
    Page: 12 > Showing page 1 of 2
    Jump to:
    ©2017 All content is copyright of MuscleTalk.co.uk and its use elsewhere is prohibited.
    (posting guidelines | privacy | advertise | earnings disclaimer | contact us | supported by)
    © 2017 APG vNext Commercial Version 5.5