RE: Fooking CV's ...
This Kid will go farâ€¦
This is an actual job application that a 17-year-old boy submitted at a McDonaldâ€™s restaurant in Florida; and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
NAME: Greg Bulmash.
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Companyâ€™s President or Vice President. But seriously, whateverâ€™s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldnâ€™t be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If thatâ€™s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than Iâ€™m worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and â€˜post-itâ€™ notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
AVAILABLE FOR WORK: Of course. Thatâ€™s why Iâ€™m applying.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 â€“ 3:30pm., Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but theyâ€™re better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UPTO 50lbs?: 50lbs. of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the appropriate question here would be â€œDo you have a car that runs?â€
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be the winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job, no, on my breaks, yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb blond supermodel who thinks Iâ€™m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, Iâ€™d like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.