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Fridays Joke

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eddie182
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2007/06/15 11:35:41 (permalink)
0

Fridays Joke

David Beckham decides to go horse riding. Although he has had no previous
experience he skilfully mounts the horse and appears in complete
command of the situation as the horse gallops along at a steady pace.

Victoria admiringly watches her husband. After a short time David becomes a
little casual and he begins to lose his grip in the saddle, he panics and
grabs the horse around the neck shouting for it to stop.

Victoria starts to scream and shout for someone to help her husband
as David has by this time slipped completely out of the saddle and is only
saved from hitting the ground by the fact that he still has a grip on the
horses neck.

David decides that his best chance is to leap away from the horse,
but his foot has become entangled in one of the stirrups. As the horse
gallops along David's head is banging on the ground and he is slipping into
unconsciousness. Victoria is now frantic and screams and screams
for help!!!

Hearing her screams, the Tesco's Security Guard comes out of the
store and unplugs the horse.

#1

28 Replies Related Threads

    TRAMP
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    RE: Fridays Joke 2007/06/15 11:36:53 (permalink)
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    FPMSL

    It's finally arrived....PM Neb for swaps!


    #2
    theiopener
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    RE: Fridays Joke 2007/06/15 11:55:38 (permalink)
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    LMFAO
    #3
    eddie182
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    RE: Fridays Joke 2007/06/15 12:02:20 (permalink)
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    Here is another one:

    3 Blokes in the pub one night were discussing how stupid their wives were.
    The first bloke says "My wife is so stupid, last night she spent £300 on steak and we dont even have a fridge or freezer big enough to store it all.

    The second bloke says "yeah well last week my wife spent 20 grand on a new car and she doesnt even know how to drive it.

    The third bloke chirps up and says "That is stupid but my wife, god this cracks me up every time I think about it, last week went to greece by herself for 2 weeks. I was watching her pack and she must have put about 10 packs of condoms in her bag, and she doesn't even have a penis"
    #4
    EBBZ
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    RE: Fridays Joke 2007/06/15 12:13:00 (permalink)
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    FPSML Not had a joke crack me up as much as that last one for a long time
    #5
    dirtyvest
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    RE: Fridays Joke 2007/06/15 12:26:28 (permalink)
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    ORIGINAL: theiopener

    One day a priest decides to take a walk to the pier near his church. He looks around and finally stops to watch a fisherman load his boat. The fisherman notices and asks the priest if he'd like to join him for a couple of hours. The priest agrees. The fisherman asks if the priest has ever fished before, to which the priest answers no. He baits the hook and says, "Give it a shot, Father." After a few minutes, the priest hooks a big fish and struggles to get it in the boat.

    The fisherman says, "Whoa, look at that big sonofabitch!" "Uh, sir, can you please mind your language?" says the startled priest. Fisherman: (THINKING QUICKLY): "I'm sorry, Father, but that's what the fish is called: -- asonofabitch." Priest: "Oh, I'm sorry, I did not know." After the trip, the priest brings the fish to the church and stops the Bishop. Priest: "Look at this big sonofabitch!"

    Bishop: "Please, mind your language, this is a house of God." Priest: "No, you don't understand! That's what the fish is called and I caught it. I caught this sonofabitch!" Bishop: "Hmmm, you know I could clean this sonofabitch and we could have it for dinner." So the Bishop takes the fish cleans it and takes it to the head mother. Bishop: "Could you cook this sonofabitch for dinner tonight?" Head Mother: "My lord, what language!" Bishop: "No, Sister, that's what this fish is called, asonofabitch! Father caught it, I cleaned it, and we want you to cook it."

    Head Mother: "Yes, I'll cook that sonofabitch tonight." That night the Pope stops by for dinner. He thinks the fish is great and asks where they got it. Priest: "I caught the sonofabitch." Bishop: "And I cleaned the sonofabitch." Head Mother: "And I cooked the sonofabitch." The Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely gaze, takes off his hat, leans back in his chair, puts his feet up on the table and says, "You know, you Æ’uckers are alright!"



    Limits, like fear, are often just an illusion: MJ 12/9/09
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    #6
    dirtyvest
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    RE: Fridays Joke 2007/06/15 12:28:28 (permalink)
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    I just copied and pasted that, then read it and it must be the unfunniest joke I have ever read LOL, am I missing something

    Limits, like fear, are often just an illusion: MJ 12/9/09
    My journal
    #7
    eddie182
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    RE: Fridays Joke 2007/06/15 12:33:31 (permalink)
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    I didnt find it very funny either for some reason. Thats 2 minutes of my life wasted. lol
    #8
    BROKEN
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    RE: Fridays Joke 2007/06/15 12:36:48 (permalink)
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    ORIGINAL: eddie182

    I didnt find it very funny either for some reason. Thats 2 minutes of my life wasted. lol



    slow reader
    #9
    BROKEN
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    RE: Fridays Joke 2007/06/15 12:40:01 (permalink)
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    The teacher says, "Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the
    front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today's word is
    "beautiful". Little Sally, would you please come up here and use
    "beautiful" in a sentence?" Little Sally walked to the front of the room,
    thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful
    woman in the world." Teacher says, "Very good, Little Sally, you may sit.
    Little Frankie, your turn." Little Frankie walked to the front of the
    room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, the sunrise this morning
    was the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen." Teacher says, "Very
    good, Little Frankie, you may sit. Little Johnny, it's your turn." Little
    Johnnie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said,
    "Teacher, last night my big sister told my dad that she was pregnant and
    he said, "Beautiful, just fcuking beautiful."
    #10
    BROKEN
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    RE: Fridays Joke 2007/06/15 12:42:27 (permalink)
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    Prostitute walks into a bar and asks the bar man for two Bacardi's and
    coke. Bar man serves her and notices that she drinks one and empties the
    other one down her panties. Now this happened another three times and the
    bar man was getting rather curious. The bar man nicely questions her and
    asks her why she is drinking one Barcardi and coke and throwing the other
    one down her panties. She replies, "I just won the lottery and that's the
    only cnut getting a drink out of me tonight!"
    #11
    BROKEN
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    RE: Fridays Joke 2007/06/15 12:44:42 (permalink)
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    It is around christmas time and santa is sitting in the middle of the
    mall in his big holiday setup.He has a line of kids lined up to sit on
    his lap and tell him what they want for christmas. As the line
    dwindles down; a little 5 year old boy comes up and sits on santas
    lap. Santa says to the little boy"I bet I know what you want for
    christmas". "I bet
    you want a puppy, P-U-P-P-Y"; touching the tip of the little boys nose
    with his finger after every letter of the word. The little boy
    responds"Nope".
    So santa again says"Then I bet you want a bike,B-I-K-E"; as he again
    touched the tip of the little boys nose with his finger. The little
    boy again said"Nope".
    Well santa's starting to get a little pissed off. So he thinks to
    himself that he'll try one more time. So he says to the little boy"I
    bet you want a fire engine,F-I-R-E-E-N-G-I-N-E"; once again touching
    the tip of the little boys nose with his finger after every letter of
    the word. Where to the little responds"Nope".
    Well at this time santa's really pissed off. So he says to the little
    boy "Then what the fcuk do you want for christmas"?
    The little boy then looked at santa and said"I want some pussy,
    P-U-S-S-Y; and don't ****ing tell me that you can't give me any
    because I can smell it on your finger"!
    #12
    beholder69
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    RE: Fridays Joke 2007/06/15 12:47:42 (permalink)
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    ORIGINAL: theiopener

    One day a priest decides to take a walk to the pier near his church. He looks around and finally stops to watch a fisherman load his boat. The fisherman notices and asks the priest if he'd like to join him for a couple of hours. The priest agrees. The fisherman asks if the priest has ever fished before, to which the priest answers no. He baits the hook and says, "Give it a shot, Father." After a few minutes, the priest hooks a big fish and struggles to get it in the boat.

    The fisherman says, "Whoa, look at that big sonofabitch!" "Uh, sir, can you please mind your language?" says the startled priest. Fisherman: (THINKING QUICKLY): "I'm sorry, Father, but that's what the fish is called: -- asonofabitch." Priest: "Oh, I'm sorry, I did not know." After the trip, the priest brings the fish to the church and stops the Bishop. Priest: "Look at this big sonofabitch!"

    Bishop: "Please, mind your language, this is a house of God." Priest: "No, you don't understand! That's what the fish is called and I caught it. I caught this sonofabitch!" Bishop: "Hmmm, you know I could clean this sonofabitch and we could have it for dinner." So the Bishop takes the fish cleans it and takes it to the head mother. Bishop: "Could you cook this sonofabitch for dinner tonight?" Head Mother: "My lord, what language!" Bishop: "No, Sister, that's what this fish is called, asonofabitch! Father caught it, I cleaned it, and we want you to cook it."

    Head Mother: "Yes, I'll cook that sonofabitch tonight." That night the Pope stops by for dinner. He thinks the fish is great and asks where they got it. Priest: "I caught the sonofabitch." Bishop: "And I cleaned the sonofabitch." Head Mother: "And I cooked the sonofabitch." The Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely gaze, takes off his hat, leans back in his chair, puts his feet up on the table and says, "You know, you Æ’uckers are alright!"



    What on earth are you guys talking about? When I read this I couldn't stop laughing!

    Nice one theiopener!
    post edited by beholder69 - 2007/06/15 12:48:53
    #13
    James
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    RE: Fridays Joke 2007/06/15 12:50:04 (permalink)
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    I've just just bought a new racehorse. I'm gonna call it 'My Face'. It will be great to have it racing down the track with all the women shouting 'Come on My Face'
    #14
    TRAMP
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    RE: Fridays Joke 2007/06/15 12:51:30 (permalink)
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    ORIGINAL: James

    I've just just bought a new racehorse. I'm gonna call it 'My Face'. It will be great to have it racing down the track with all the women shouting 'Come on My Face'


    LOL

    I actually thought iopener's joke was bloody hilarious LOL

    It's finally arrived....PM Neb for swaps!


    #15
    BROKEN
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    RE: Fridays Joke 2007/06/15 12:57:18 (permalink)
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    ORIGINAL: James

    I've just just bought a new racehorse. I'm gonna call it 'My Face'. It will be great to have it racing down the track with all the women shouting 'Come on My Face'


    Good joke....and I am not just saying that cause you are the boss
    #16
    beholder69
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    RE: Fridays Joke 2007/06/15 12:58:18 (permalink)
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    LMAO!


    Ok,a daft one...

    Little Johnny calls little Mary on the phone and tells her " Why don't you come by my house at 5 pm? There will be nobody there"

    Little Mary gets prepared,goes by the house and rings the bell. There was no-one there...
    #17
    Dobos
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    RE: Fridays Joke 2007/06/15 13:12:00 (permalink)
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    That priest one is wicked!! hahaha! I could just imagine the pope saying that as he leans back in his chair hahaha!
    #18
    john e big gunns
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    RE: Fridays Joke 2007/06/15 13:28:24 (permalink)
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    BUMPER STICKER

    "Honk if you Love Jesus"

    I was feeling rather happy with myself one day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by the thunderous prayer meeting,so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
    I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is and I didn't notice that the lights had changed.
    It is a good thing someone else Loves Jesus; because if he hadn't have honked I'd have never noticed

    I found out that "LOTS" of poeple "Love Jesus". Why, while I was sitting there the guy behind started Honking like crazy, and when he leaned out of his window and screamed " for the love of God, GO!GO!GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus.
    Everyone was Honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving poeple
    I even 'Honked' my horn a few times to share in the love.
    There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a Sunny Beach.....
    I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. when I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that mean, he said that it was probably an "Hawiian Good Luck" sign or something.
    Well, I've never meet anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the "Good Luck" sign back.
    My grandson burst out laughing, why he was enjoying this religious experience also.
    A couple of people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started to walk towards me.
    Bet they wanted to pray or ask what church i attended; but this is when I noticed that the lights had changed.
    So,i waved to all my new found 'Brothers and Sisters' grinning, and drove on through the intersection.

    I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the lights changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the "Hawaiian Good Luck" sign one last time as I drove away.

    Praise the Lord for such wonderful people



    #19
    Dan Nukem
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    RE: Fridays Joke 2007/06/15 13:35:25 (permalink)
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    ORIGINAL: dirtyvest

    I just copied and pasted that, then read it and it must be the unfunniest joke I have ever read LOL, am I missing something


    I'll second that dirtydrab, it was like getting a girl home and getting her top off to find she was wearing 3bras over her bee stings.

    Some of the others were great though, really like the beckham one.
    post edited by Dan Nukem - 2007/06/15 13:40:28
    #20
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