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Helpful ReplyHot!Kids and drugs :(

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Trunks
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/20 23:15:13 (permalink)
I have no kids so I'm curious, in this day and age, what "threats" can parents make that actually have half a chance of working?

It's only a big deal if you make it a big deal. 
#41
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Bookerman
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/20 23:44:08 (permalink)
Nothing to add other than even regular dope smokers will advise that young kids shouldn't be smoking that **** and certainly not regularly. I've seen a few who grew up with that permanently doped slow as **** appearance whether on it or not.

"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." -   George Orwell
#42
G00SE
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/21 00:49:23 (permalink)
My parents threats consisted of a good clip around the ear, and in my opinion it's necessary. You have to have a healthy fear of punishment for doing wrong, smoking drugs is common in some groups of young lads but that doesn't make it right!
IMO come down very hard on him for a long period of time, and if necessary remove him from the situation he is in. You have complete control over a 13 year olds life as a parent, take it back from him and show him the correct way to behave
#43
SeanR
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/21 07:14:36 (permalink)
I would be more concerned about the length of time he has been doing it, rather than his age and why, certainly long enough to give him a smoking addiction, let alone weed addiction. Its common for kids that age to try all kinds of stuff, from gas sniffing to poppers and so on. I was around the same age when me and a group of friends went through a phase of sniffing gas, all comes down to the friends you have at that particular time, my mates were always the easily led adventurous type (like me). To cut a long story short my dad found out, someone had told him what we had been up to. He didnt go total bananas, didnt need to (a mood i had not seen before, total disgust), just drove me me to all my mates houses with a bin bag full of empty gas cans (which he made me pick up from our den in a bush lol) and then spilled the beans, that was the end of that.
 
If i were you, i wouldnt go too soft, he will see it as a free pass.
Stop his money, account for any money you do give him
Tell his friends folks, show them any evidence.
Tell him whilst he is under your roof he dont do that ****.
Explain the health risks.
(all mentioned already)
Having done it for a while, dont be surprised in the future should smoking/cannabis arise again, all you can do is try and educate him.
 
My lads the same age, and does seem clued up already on cannabis and the like, i make an habit of pointing out all the bad stuff in a hope it sinks in, as i have no doubt he will try it sooner or later (may have already done so)
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1kicka1
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/21 08:22:10 (permalink)
go off on the deep end.. solv nothing make your son go underground for ever
 
have a constructional talk... explain your concern.(being so young and mental health my no1).
 
 
post edited by 1kicka1 - 2017/03/21 08:37:36
#45
GOVINDA
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/21 10:35:01 (permalink)
1kicka1
go off on the deep end.. solv nothing make your son go underground for ever
 
have a constructional talk... explain your concern.(being so young and mental health my no1).
 
 


Not having a pop but I think this attitude has us in a sticky wicket, it's basically liberalism in parenthood, who over 40 here didn't get a kicking for doing similar stuff, the thought of said kicking kept many a wayward child on the tracks and that was only from the plod before your parents knew.

Alt er mulig
#46
faipdeooiad
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/21 10:46:09 (permalink)
VikingPump

I'd talk to him about the potential negative impacts on his mental health and future. I have a friend who is now on a psychiatric ward due to cannabis - the stuff is illegal for a reason, and if you're pre-disposed to mental health problems you're in hot water.



I was in a band when i was younger and my drummer & two guitarists were heavy into weed. One of said guitarists is still now taking meds to deal with the psychiatric problems that have been attributed to the amount he used to smoke.
(From a wealthy family, used to get £50/week spending money. He'd burn through that on weed per week. This might not be much for your seasoned user but given he was 14 at the time, it looks like it's fried his brain).
 
I've used it twice and hated it on both occasions.
post edited by faipdeooiad - 2017/03/21 10:47:29
#47
doc
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/21 11:57:07 (permalink)
faipdeooiad
 
I've used it twice and hated it on both occasions.


Ive used it a number of times when i was 16-20 and recently 3-4 times in my 40s as I dont like alcohol anymore and its a terrible experience for me , no idea why anyone would want to feel like that !
 
also agree with Govinda if you dont go off at the deep end after finding your 13 yearold using drugs then I dont know what will , no need for beating the **** out of him mind you!
 
this thread brings back a lot of the anxiety I experienced after being in the same position , what pisses me off is that weed is considered a wonder drug that can cure almost anything .
 
I like Joe Rogan but he seriously cant debate weed without being biased as hes a user and just focuses on the positives rather than the negatives. He has some good points but looses the plot a bit on this subject.
 

#48
Bookerman
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/21 12:33:12 (permalink)
Rogan was pretty pathetic on that podcast, had a chip on his shoulder from the off. Seemed like a half cut bully from the start.

"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." -   George Orwell
#49
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/21 16:35:52 (permalink)
Nothing to add DrZ. No kids myself and simply cannot think how I'd deal with this never having been around drugs myself. Is there a rehab centre that would show him round and talk to him and let him see how it's affected some of the patients? My concern I think would be progression onto the harder stuff given his age and naivety albeit he's at that age where he thinks he knows it all. Where did he get his own knowledge from, his mates I bet? Find some proper research into the psychotic effects as mentioned and see if he's aware of that. Good luck, just hope it's a happy outcome for you all.
#50
Carbfiend
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/21 18:03:57 (permalink)
Dr Z, spoke to my partner for you as she's actually a drug and alcohol recovery coordinator, and she's worked with kids 13-19 specifically for a long time that have come from families that have drug problems, use drugs themselves etc, she said its actually a lot more common than you would think at that age, I asked what she would advise and she said in her own words put the fear of god into him

What you could do is contact the police (not emergency ofc) see if there's an officer would be willing to come out and talk to him, in uniform etc and just really give your boy a shock

Touching on what a few others have said here the most alarming bit is at his age if he persist the risk of it affecting his mental health (cannabis psychosis) is what really needs adressed

Hope that's of some use man and you're getting somewhere
#51
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/21 20:52:35 (permalink)
Carbfiend
Dr Z, spoke to my partner for you as she's actually a drug and alcohol recovery coordinator, and she's worked with kids 13-19 specifically for a long time that have come from families that have drug problems, use drugs themselves etc, she said its actually a lot more common than you would think at that age, I asked what she would advise and she said in her own words put the fear of god into him

What you could do is contact the police (not emergency ofc) see if there's an officer would be willing to come out and talk to him, in uniform etc and just really give your boy a shock

Touching on what a few others have said here the most alarming bit is at his age if he persist the risk of it affecting his mental health (cannabis psychosis) is what really needs adressed

Hope that's of some use man and you're getting somewhere



 
TBH even the most cocksure 13 year old would **** himself if a knock at the door turned out to be a bobby demanding to come in and talk with him about Drug offences!!! 

Ra Ra Rasputin lover of the Russian Queen, Ra Ra Ra Rasputin Russia's greatest love machine (Allegedly)
#52
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/22 08:38:40 (permalink)
Carbfiend
Dr Z, spoke to my partner for you as she's actually a drug and alcohol recovery coordinator, and she's worked with kids 13-19 specifically for a long time that have come from families that have drug problems, use drugs themselves etc, she said its actually a lot more common than you would think at that age, I asked what she would advise and she said in her own words put the fear of god into him

What you could do is contact the police (not emergency ofc) see if there's an officer would be willing to come out and talk to him, in uniform etc and just really give your boy a shock

Touching on what a few others have said here the most alarming bit is at his age if he persist the risk of it affecting his mental health (cannabis psychosis) is what really needs adressed

Hope that's of some use man and you're getting somewhere



Thanks for this! 
 
Yes, I am starting to accept its more common than I had realised,  and I suppose everyone probably thinks this way, but I can get my head around the notion that 'some' or even 'many' 13 year olds take drugs ... but the bit I am completely blindsided by is that MY 13 year old is taking them.  Of course all parents think 'my little Johnny' is an angel, but he REALLY is the last kid I'd have imagined doing this,  anyway thats moot, as we know he is.  
 
Fear of God, yes, that's what my instinct told me.   Now this is where my calm nature, and what I consider to be 'good parenting'  has paid dividends,  My son had only ever heard me raise my voice properly, twice in his lifetime, and each time I have done it you have been able to see the colour drain out of his face (despite the fact that one of the times I wasn't talking to him!)    -  This made "Fear of God" pretty easy.    Alongside this,  the fear of what his 'dealer' would do to him if the school or Police were made aware,  Knowing how "stabby" little scroates can be locally means that between you and me,  I don't want to take that risk - but he doesn't need to know that.  I have told him I don't believe his dealer mate is 'that hard' and that if the problem doesn't go away I will be straight to the school or Police dropping his dealer in the ****,  He actually got hysterical over this,  so I think this will work to my advantage.  Fear of God is covered I think.
    Am I 'pleased with myself?'   - No, I am heartbroken that I've had to scare my Son and 'fight' with him,  I suppose I should feel lucky that we've had 13 years of bliss.  Everything I've read seems to suggest I must remember I am his parent and not his friend over this.  
 
    On the Police thing, I spoke to a neighbour/friend who assures me there are local procedures in place for just this kind of thing, I live in a small village and have been given a contact on the Parish council who will 'deal' with this, from sending a PCSO to talk to him, to approaching the school & liasing with the Police.  However I am hesitant for now, I worry that the dealer will be clever enough to work out that just as my Son stops buying stuff off him, he suddenly gets pulled up?   My son will have to explain to his mates why he is no longer on social media, xbox etc, so they will know, or suspect he has been caught,  easy to put two and two together,  another reason he shouldn't be mixing in these circles and I think he realises that now its gone tits up.  I am tempted to leave it for 6 months and see what happens. 
 
  I don't know about mental health, but I recently posted on here that he had an episode of Sleep Paralysis - which makes sense now, although he is convinced the weed helps it. Everything I've read suggests the opposite, but then there are no shortage of idiots on the internet ready to tell you it cures all ills, so not surprised. 

Lazy is a word used by the obsessed, to describe those with a life.
#53
doc
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/22 11:28:42 (permalink)
hes deluded if he thinks weed helps sleep paralysis , anything that alters your sleep patterns or makes you tired can be a trigger for it , tell him I can show him a study that shows praying to get rid of the night time demons is the cure for it !
 

#54
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/22 13:19:03 (permalink)
LOL, I think I stumbled on that 'cure' while searching for info on Youtube, started out like a really informative, logic based video, then about 10 minutes in, he says "The only explanation can be, that there IS an evil presence in the room" !!
 
But yeah, it was only a month ago that this happened, and at the time I completely dismissed the drugs aspect as I thought there was no way on earth he'd be taking drugs.  [:( ] 
 
It goes to show how blinkered people are to justify their habits,  He was petrified by the Sleep Paralysis, I found him googling "can you die from sleep paralysis"  and he was in bits about it.   Pretty much everything on the internet suggests that weed can cause it, yet he chose to continue taking weed, and has convinced himself it helps -  Considering he has only had one episode I'd guess what he means it that it stops him worrying about it!  
 
I have to say I am a little less sympathetic over the whole SP thing now!  

Lazy is a word used by the obsessed, to describe those with a life.
#55
EDBANGER
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/22 13:33:57 (permalink)
I have no kids myself so i'm not exactly in a place of experience to be giving advice.  I can only reflect on my own youth and weed smoking.  I used to smoke a lot and I did so because I had nothing to do and the people I spent time with also smoked a lot of weed.  I gave it up a long time ago but I massively regret all the money and time I wasted on that crap when I could have been out playing sports, learning skills and meeting new people which is what I love doing now.  
 
When I look at people I know who I consider to be successfully parenting the one thing they all have in common is spending time with their kids involved in hobbies that they do together.  During this time they aren't acting as "parents" they are in fact their peers and their joint interest in the hobby keeps them focused and earns respect.  I'm talking things like BMX racing, boxing, powerlifting etc.  These sports also introduce the kids to other adults that influence them positively and helps steer them away from hanging out in parks etc with bad crowds.  

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#56
rokkus3
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/23 08:59:09 (permalink)
A chat with Johnny Law will usually put the wind up any nipper... if you have a police friend, you can ask him to speak to him or even potentially show him round the police station.
 
The seriousness of getting roped into distribution often doesn't sink home until someone's caught.  Until then it's all innocent fun & games.
 
Although completely rational to be very concerned, I wouldn't focus on your sons casual use of pot over a relatively short period of time; he's 13 and unlikely to have been smoking pot for years.  It's habitual use over an extended period of time while in adolescence where the development problems rise.
 
Maybe show him some videos of people with severe drug-induced mental illness... really harsh and unlikely to happen even from excessive (real) marijuana abuse but would be more than enough to worry him.  This could extend into all recreational drug abuse... Google M-cat videos on YouTube and some of the shocking reactions people have had. Ditto for Spice, the synthetic cannabis that's wrecking UK prisons and caused the real-world zombie episodes that keep popping up in the news (same stuff as the bath salts that caused the homeless cannibal incident in USA).  I know people in the prison service and they're saying that stuff is causing massive problems both mental and physical.
 
Personally, I think education is the best route now you've made initial confrontation.  That and to keep reminding him of how disappointed you are. 
 
When he flies the nest he'll have to make his own decisions, I would give him as much information as possible to prepare him for the real world.
post edited by rokkus3 - 2017/03/23 09:00:31

"Fatigue makes cowards of us all" - Vince Lombardi

#57
Mobster
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/23 18:25:18 (permalink)
GOVINDA
1kicka1
go off on the deep end.. solv nothing make your son go underground for ever
 
have a constructional talk... explain your concern.(being so young and mental health my no1).
 
 


Not having a pop but I think this attitude has us in a sticky wicket, it's basically liberalism in parenthood, who over 40 here didn't get a kicking for doing similar stuff, the thought of said kicking kept many a wayward child on the tracks and that was only from the plod before your parents knew.



Agreed. I'm not gonna rant about being soft etc etc but the pendulum seems to have swung into 'kids can't do any wrong, on one is evil or bad and and you can't give em anything more than a talking to'. Strange how this seems to be how we are supposed to be with our kids but night on every MT member has a story to tell about having a fight when drunk (never mind our own PED or recreational drug use as adults stories).
 
I do recall disappointing my dad (when he ought to have kicked off) being as hard to take as much as anything. I think I'd have preferred him raging and dishing out thick ears. My mum was the one to discipline us (4 boys inc me). Slippers, rulers and thick ears a-plenty. Dad was the ultimate deterrent - a threat but never used as it were. When my brothers and I had yet again kicked off / ****ed about and broken something he'd spent a LOT of time making and spent money on I was sure we were gonna get it big time. We tidied up the mess, put ourselves to bed (we had to stay in our room all weekend - fair enough) and waited for the rage and verbal ear bashing... instead we got a VERY disappointed sigh... almost sad which quite put a guilty lump in my throat at the time. He added 'when you work and sweat you'll know the value'. The closed the door very quietly. **** me I sniffed like a bitch!!
 
Stitched me up years later when the first pair of glasses I'd paid for myself got broken. I then (all upset about it) heard him utter 'and now you know...' etc etc. I laugh now, having learned the hard way, but **** me at the time those were not words I wanted to hear.
 
So, as I suggested earlier, sometimes the way to teach is to ask them how they'd deal with it.

 
#58
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