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Helpful ReplyHot!Kids and drugs :(

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Dr Z
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2017/03/20 12:08:48 (permalink)

Kids and drugs :(

I can't believe I am having to write this, My son is the kind of kid that is literally no trouble at all, Polite, friendy, does as he is told pretty much without fail,   Sensible (or so I thought) sensitive, caring - The list goes on... I hand on heart never imagined him giving me any trouble. 
 
  Then today, after a couple of large clues (smell and his money disappearing on nothing!)  I finally checked his room out, sure enough found evidence.  I then checked his facebook messages, at it seems his entire social life revolves around buying this crap.  
 
Simple question, What to do?   My instinct is to go off the deep end.   
 
I am wondering if the clever thing to do is to show him the evidence of the messages (which incriminates him and the friend that sell to him)  and keep that as our 'trump card',  I am sure dropping his mates in the **** would be a motivator to comply?  
 
But other than that, I am lost.  13 years old!!  To be honest I'm heartbroken

Lazy is a word used by the obsessed, to describe those with a life.
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The_Lone_Wolf
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/20 12:25:24 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby Dr Z 2017/03/20 21:38:11
I assume cannabis/weed?
 
You can either go full on deep end, or sit him down and have a talk and try to communicate your concern, disappointment and overall educate him with the whole thing.
 
Different people react to different treatments, but if you go with the second option, you still have the deep end option to go with.
 
Regardless, a very tough spot for you sadly.

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GOVINDA
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/20 12:38:11 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby Dr Z 2017/03/20 21:38:18
Really depends on your relationship with your son, are you the best friends kind of dad or the dad not to foked with. From this point onwards how do you want the relationship to go.

For me it would involve hammers and xboxes, loss of trust, loss of respect, long lectures on degeneracy and the possible outcome of his course of action.

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severen
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/20 12:40:30 (permalink)
i'd be more tempted to ask this on a more specialised website, people will probably have better advice on how to handle it.
 
odd though that drugs like this cause concern yet all the "gear" other people use here is taken in stride and in some cases approved of.
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/20 12:49:07 (permalink)
Don't go off on one, you just risk alienating him and it won't stop him.

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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/20 12:49:39 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby Dr Z 2017/03/20 21:38:35
Not an enviable position to be in but lets be frank here. 
 
The stigma surrounding drugs is not what is was 10, 20 or 30 years ago when we were all that age. Nowadays kids are growing up faster and doing stuff that we left to far later in life. You cant change that short of locking him inside and stopping him seeing his mates. Have to ask what kind of scumbag cnut sells to 13 year olds though suspect its more a case of 18 year old giving to kid brother and it then moving down the chain.  
 
My advice bear in mind I dont have kids but would be to just talk to him and say look I'm disappointed in you as your only 13 and then try to educate not go off the deep end. If all he does is smoke a bit of weed and rest of the time is a good kid then once you get over the shock factor is it really the end of the world? Hopefully thats enough to bring him to his senses and turn it into just a phase. 
 
Good luck either way. 

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GOVINDA
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/20 12:50:00 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby faipdeooiad 2017/03/21 10:42:39
severen
i'd be more tempted to ask this on a more specialised website, people will probably have better advice on how to handle it.
 
odd though that drugs like this cause concern yet all the "gear" other people use here is taken in stride and in some cases approved of.


Not sure anyone here advises roids for a 13yr old 🤔

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Mobster
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/20 13:05:41 (permalink)
The age is a big concern for me.

 
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/20 13:11:01 (permalink)
I must admit, I dread this with my own kids.

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Dr Z
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/20 13:44:54 (permalink)
Mobster
The age is a big concern for me.




Absolutely,  If he was 16 I'd find it a whole lot easier.  The guy selling seems to be about the same age, and is from the same school. although they haven't done any dealing in school from what I gather. 
 

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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/20 13:48:08 (permalink)
Dr Z
Mobster
The age is a big concern for me.




Absolutely,  If he was 16 I'd find it a whole lot easier.  The guy selling seems to be about the same age, and is from the same school. although they haven't done any dealing in school from what I gather. 
 




Do you know the kid and or the parents?
 
 

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Dr Z
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/20 13:54:13 (permalink)
Yes it is Cannabis, but I understand that 'cannabis' isn't necessarily cannabis these days? 
 
  I am still in shock to be honest, It turns out he's been doing it, and successfully hiding it from us since August last year!   
   Desperately trying to formulate a plan for when he gets home from school.  So far it looks like this. 
1) Let him know I'm pissed off. send him to his (obviously raided) room to think about it. All internet communications removed.  
2) Wait for him to come out. talk about it, explain that my next step is potentially to report him and, his 'friends' and his dealer to the Police & School,  I am hoping this will shock him into putting serious thought into whether its all worth it?  I really don't want to do this. 
 
3) Cut off his pocket money - Although then I fear we'll see Xbox games dissappearing and being sold. 
 
 

Lazy is a word used by the obsessed, to describe those with a life.
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Dr Z
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/20 13:57:07 (permalink)
The_Lone_Wolf
Dr Z
Mobster
The age is a big concern for me.




Absolutely,  If he was 16 I'd find it a whole lot easier.  The guy selling seems to be about the same age, and is from the same school. although they haven't done any dealing in school from what I gather. 
 




Do you know the kid and or the parents?
 
 




This is another thing, the main kid he hangs around with, whaose parents we've met is the only one who doesn't conclusively hang himself with the evidence in messages, I don't want to be approaching he if her son is not really involved..  Although I suspect he is.  

Lazy is a word used by the obsessed, to describe those with a life.
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/20 14:18:42 (permalink)
Education.

Facebook and the like is full off all this "Weed never killed anyone", "Weed cures cancer", "Weed isn't addictive". Interestingly I'm never envious of the people positing this kind of sh1t. I've also never seen anyone with a strong clinical background or decent level of education claiming it.

I'd talk to him about the potential negative impacts on his mental health and future. I have a friend who is now on a psychiatric ward due to cannabis - the stuff is illegal for a reason, and if you're pre-disposed to mental health problems you're in hot water.

Ultimately remember he's not done something that bad (I'd say stealing is worse) and probably just got into it through friends / peer pressure.

His age is the worrying part, as he's unlikely to know the risks and I guess it could effect him more being so young. You certainly don't want him to be involved in selling it or get in trouble at school due to it.

The temptation will be to snap, you can always pull that card after trying the "advice" route.
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Dr Z
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/20 14:57:16 (permalink)
The trouble with the Advice route, is that I think he will take it as "wow, I've got away with that" and just carry on with what he is doing.  
 
  Thinking of having a initial flip out to scare the life out of him (Will work, I seldom have to raise my voice, and on the 1-2 occasions I have its made his blood run cold!!)  Then sending him to his room. telling him to come out when he is ready for a grown up chat.  
 
     Where it goes from there ... I don't know.  
 
Little bit of local detective work tells me his 'dealer' is well know to the Police, and a 'right little ****, a pain in the ass'  (From a Copper, off the record)  So I'd imagine it would only be a matter of time before my lad gets caught up in something. 

Lazy is a word used by the obsessed, to describe those with a life.
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/20 14:58:20 (permalink)
been in the same position DR Z , show him this:
 
http://www.muirwoodteen.com/teen-marijuana-abuse/brain/
 
It does have benefits for some people but it is definitely not benign .
 
I got a drug councilor to visit out home , wasn't much use to be honest.
 
In the end the only solution was to make my step son purchase a drug test kit every week with his pocket money and pass it in order to stay living with us , or he would end up at his Dads or in care , sometimes it takes something like this to make them realize where there bread is buttered.   hes 26 now , left home at 18 and still smokes weed , although we where dealing with cocaine rather than weed in our scenario so its got better .
 
Even though I think Alcohol is worse than weed , I would be more pissed to be in your situation than if he had gotten drunk.
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/20 15:03:24 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby Dr Z 2017/03/20 21:38:59
I'm sorry to hear how upset you are first of all bud

Must be scary

I might have no right commenting here as I'm not a parent, and I can't give you advice on what to do specifically

But what I would say, is just be calm, however your approach, be calm.

I've went through many dodgy, dangerous and alarming phases over the years, and I honestly believe the one thing that prevented them all from becoming more than just odd phases, is the fact my parents just stayed calm.

They addressed it, but they stayed calm. And at 28, I honestly do believe now, the more you tell someone not to do it, especially if they're a child, the more they probably will do it.

He'll be okay, thinking of you bud.
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Dr Z
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/20 15:51:14 (permalink)
Thanks for the replies ...Had my plan all worked out,  then bottled and ended up going softly softly. 
 
He absolutely can't see a problem and actually became a bit mouthy about it, also telling me to read up on it, (Seems the younger generation think they invented drugs as well as sex now)  became a bit of a smart ass, telling me I can call the Police/School/Friends parents...(who all know and are perfectly happy with it...supposedly)   which isn't usually his character, so I lost it and flipped.    
 
He's now sitting in his (stripped of tech) bedroom.  I am out here,  Absolutely heartbroken.  
   
 

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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/20 16:26:55 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby Dr Z 2017/03/20 21:39:12
The issues with some drugs, including cannabis are various and complicated so I'll deal with it in very simple terms. There's an awful lot of low level, never-gonna-be-a-problem casual use. The dinner party toke on a Saturday night, being a tiny bit rebellious or feeling like you're close to people during a smoke is really f'all.
 
However, equally there are a lot of drug users whom, in effect, self-medicate. The heavy and or ****ed up users aren't just those with addictive personalities but those making up for something all too often. I say this as someone whose youngest brother ended up injecting H and passing away a little over a year ago with organ failure. I also had a lodger in Gloucester with issues all of his own aided by alcohol, weed and coke. It wasn't pretty. Debt was the least of his problems.
 
What we seem to see lot of with the new hybrid and synthetic versions of cannabis (such as 'spice') is those with a predisposition towards depression etc are more likely to have issues with use than without. I'd ask, as I do with other subjects, if his research looked at the negatives as well as the positives. It's all too easy to find the info we want to show why we ought to do something, or how safe and healthy it is than it is to look for negatives and dangers.
 
My issue, as a father with a daughter who many, many years after the fact mentioned experimenting is, as I said earlier, is age. I'd be the same with smoking tobacco. He thinks he's bullet proof (as we all did) and capable of thinking for himself (ditto) and that he'll be the one that's never effected (etc). We all know, as we got to become older, more experienced and hopefully wiser, it doesn't happen at 16, 18 or even 21 for most of us. He has NO FKIN IDEA.
 
When I did voluntary youth work one trick which seemed useful is to ask the kid if he was a dad and this was his son or daughter how would he deal with it. The age of consent question had 15 and 16 as initial replies then they got to be 'parents' and suddenly the idea became hot and the age went to 21-25. So ask him in the same way. Make it his daughter not his son and see what he'd tell them and how he'd deal with it. If nothing else it'll give you some insight.

 
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GOVINDA
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Re: Kids and drugs :( 2017/03/20 16:36:28 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby Dr Z 2017/03/20 21:40:55
Dr Z
Thanks for the replies ...Had my plan all worked out,  then bottled and ended up going softly softly. 
 
He absolutely can't see a problem and actually became a bit mouthy about it, also telling me to read up on it, (Seems the younger generation think they invented drugs as well as sex now)  became a bit of a smart ass, telling me I can call the Police/School/Friends parents...(who all know and are perfectly happy with it...supposedly)   which isn't usually his character, so I lost it and flipped.    
 
He's now sitting in his (stripped of tech) bedroom.  I am out here,  Absolutely heartbroken.  
   
 


Shouldn't be heartbroken mate, tis the way of the teenager (usually) you've done nowt wrong so mark it up to experience and move on,


Ps, I've brought 8 kids up virtually by myself, this is nowt 😁, carry on 👍

Alt er mulig
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