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My Stepdaughter (again!) - Turn for the worse

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Dr Z
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2005/07/28 09:03:43 (permalink)
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My Stepdaughter (again!) - Turn for the worse

You me remember my problems here -

http://www.muscletalk.co.uk/m_522294/mpage_1/key_stepdaughter/tm.htm


Well she announced last night that she is moving to bournemouth to live with him in two weeks time , remember she has never even met this guy !

And it gets worse ....

I noticed a dialled number on our phone a few weeks back which I guessed was this lad , I rang it last night to hollar down the telephone at him , and it turned out to be his foster parents (very helpful and genuine )
They confirned the lad is actually 16 , but they also told us he is "not well" mentally , and kept repeating. over and over again "on no account should you let your daughter within 10 miles of him , he lives with his head in the clouds & is very dnagerous and violent " another quote was "ask yourself why he could be in care , of all the reasons that come to mind , I can confirm the real reason is among the worse you'd think of , but I am unable to actually tell you the nature of it "

All the rubbish he has told her about having a flat for them to live in is crap -

We have told her this , and she is STILL adoment that she is moving in with him - This really worries me ,how the hell can she not see that moving in with a Pshyco she has never met is bad news ?


Can anyone give me an angle to deal with this ?

Obviously we want to stop her - but how EXACTLY do we stop her ? lock her up ?

We are going to contact social services , hoping they can explain to her how dangerous he is , but I am 100% expecting them to tell us they cannot discuss his case with us

ANY Ideas at all ?


TBH Violence / the threat of , is the only thing that I can see solving this




post edited by Dr Zoidberg - 2005/07/28 09:05:05
#1

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    Play
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    RE: My Stepdaughter (again!) - Turn for the worse 2005/07/28 09:38:53 (permalink)
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    I agree about the threat , seems your hands are so tied.

    i dont have kids but feal for you and would hate to be in that situation. Maybe get the person to do the threatening not to be your self as you dont want to get in to trouble your self

    Good luck though
    #2
    kitty
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    RE: My Stepdaughter (again!) - Turn for the worse 2005/07/28 09:41:04 (permalink)
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    Ring the foster parents again and get them to speak to her. At the moment she thinks you're just saying stuff to stop her going
    #3
    Dr Z
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    RE: My Stepdaughter (again!) - Turn for the worse 2005/07/28 10:00:52 (permalink)
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    ORIGINAL: kitty

    Ring the foster parents again and get them to speak to her. At the moment she thinks you're just saying stuff to stop her going


    We tried that last night, she absolutely refuses to talk to them on the phone , and you're right , she does think we are making it up to ruin her life and will not listen to anyone about anything ATM

    I am hoping that at some point something inside her will "click" that perhaps we are not just making it up , and she will realise just how mad it all is


    post edited by Dr Zoidberg - 2005/07/28 10:01:49
    #4
    Knighty
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    RE: My Stepdaughter (again!) - Turn for the worse 2005/07/28 10:02:04 (permalink)
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    I agree with Kitty - speaking with someone who actually knows the guy may hit it home for her

    All the best mate

    #5
    Play
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    RE: My Stepdaughter (again!) - Turn for the worse 2005/07/28 10:10:18 (permalink)
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    May just be a case of trying to stay on speaking term so you are the first person she turns to , to pick the pieces up
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    Dr Z
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    RE: My Stepdaughter (again!) - Turn for the worse 2005/07/28 10:13:35 (permalink)
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    ORIGINAL: Play

    May just be a case of trying to stay on speaking term so you are the first person she turns to , to pick the pieces up


    Yeah , this is the one thing that prevents me from being too heavy handed with the lad - at least we'd have *some* idea where they are , but if they feared for his safety they may go elswhere
    #7
    TooSmall
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    RE: My Stepdaughter (again!) - Turn for the worse 2005/07/28 10:17:29 (permalink)
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    Think kittys advice is about the best option, the only real option tbh.

    Again as play says you have got to be there to pivk up the pieces, but by the sounds of it how many pieces are there gonna be to pick up.

    Not at all good this one zoidy

    Cant begin to imagine the stress you and mrs zoidy are under right now.

    Maybe as said in previous post the only option if she wont listen is to do a number on him.

    If she does go down there, whats gonna happen anyway? he aint got anywhere for them to live and his carers sound decent people and wont allow this to happen. Thinking the worst (which lets be honest sounds likely to happen) he could take her to some 'squat' and keep her there and 'whatever'.

    Hmmm sounds like there is no talking to her either.

    First try and get his carers to talk to her, then its lock her up and/or do him over. Locking her up wont work, she WILL get out and the first place she will be heading is straight to him.

    Forget Elvis, Arnie is the king.

    #8
    Play
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    RE: My Stepdaughter (again!) - Turn for the worse 2005/07/28 10:18:36 (permalink)
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    Yep least that way you can always visit when you like and call her as much as you need and she knows she can call on you.

    If you both fall out you will think the worst all the time and not know whats happening ( which if was me would have my head in bits with worry ) plus if you fall out and it goes tits up she might not feal she could ring you and come home and might try and stick it out in a bad situation.

    Just my 2p worth like and you know the situation better, but think id roll over and just back her all the way. If you let her go the lad might suddenly admit he hasnt got a flat and she might start to see hes full of crap
    #9
    muchalucha
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    RE: My Stepdaughter (again!) - Turn for the worse 2005/07/28 10:18:40 (permalink)
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    damn..it must be so frustrating to see yr step daughter acting like a complete idiot. Seems like the only way she will accept the truth about this lad is after shes been been beaten up or worse by him..and even then she might blame herself for 'making' him act that way..there's plenty of women who stay with complete nutters...unfortunately she might be that type.
    #10
    windymill
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    RE: My Stepdaughter (again!) - Turn for the worse 2005/07/28 10:32:02 (permalink)
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    Under the circumstances, is there no way that the social workers responsible for this lads case could speak to your step daughter? Perhaps the intervention of a third party might help.
    #11
    Dr Z
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    RE: My Stepdaughter (again!) - Turn for the worse 2005/07/28 10:36:22 (permalink)
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    ORIGINAL: windymill

    Under the circumstances, is there no way that the social workers responsible for this lads case could speak to your step daughter? Perhaps the intervention of a third party might help.



    This is EXACTLY the reslove we are hoping for ATM , but the social worker in question doesnt start work till 11.30am
    But as I said earlier , I am guessing that we'll be told "We can't discuss cases with anyone "
    Still worth trying though

    #12
    Colin.A.
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    RE: My Stepdaughter (again!) - Turn for the worse 2005/07/28 10:49:12 (permalink)
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    Matt, how about trying to get to know the guy?

    Invite him up to Flex Appeal for a workout. After you, Terry, Paul and the others lads have had a "little chat" with him I'm betting he would rather circumsize himself with rusty hedge clippers than ever speak to your daughter again!

    Alternativly is there some way of occupying her so that she doesnt have time for him? Sounds like she has latched onto this guy through boredom possibly?
    #13
    cu3ed
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    RE: My Stepdaughter (again!) - Turn for the worse 2005/07/28 10:51:38 (permalink)
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    why not stage an intervention with you her family, and all of her friends, you might need to overwhelm her with the amount of concern you have over this fella, she might think that you are doing the normal worried parnet figure, and doesnt see how concerned you really are.
    #14
    Colin.A.
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    RE: My Stepdaughter (again!) - Turn for the worse 2005/07/28 10:55:20 (permalink)
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    ORIGINAL: cu3ed

    why not stage an intervention with you her family, and all of her friends, you might need to overwhelm her with the amount of concern you have over this fella, she might think that you are doing the normal worried parnet figure, and doesnt see how concerned you really are.


    Good idea.
    #15
    GTM
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    RE: My Stepdaughter (again!) - Turn for the worse 2005/07/28 10:59:40 (permalink)
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    As a last resort maybe let her see him for what he is by letting her spend time with him. Obviously not alone but under your supervision. If he really is that disturbed it should be apparent upon a couple of meetings even with you and the foster parents there to supervise the situation.

    Just a thought.

    GTM

    Just because one can't understand a concept, doesn't mean that it is wrong.
    #16
    Spirit Guide
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    RE: My Stepdaughter (again!) - Turn for the worse 2005/07/28 11:08:22 (permalink)
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    i havent read the last thread so i apologise if any of this is totally irrelevant

    but surely when she gets to bournemoth and this guy doesnt have a flat for them to live in she may start realising that it was all a lie - worst comes to worst maybe you should take her to bournemoth to see this
    #17
    James
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    RE: My Stepdaughter (again!) - Turn for the worse 2005/07/28 11:38:33 (permalink)
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    Matt - get the guy up for dinner - go down with her and pick him up. You never know he may be ugly and she'll be put off.


    My GF is out ATM but she may have advice - I'll ask her. She was once like your step-daughter when she was 17 with her ex. She's now 25 and sensible after being in the situation - she always said if her parents handled it differently she would have handled it differently herself.
    #18
    Adam K
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    RE: My Stepdaughter (again!) - Turn for the worse 2005/07/28 11:42:17 (permalink)
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    ORIGINAL: James

    Matt - get the guy up for dinner - go down with her and pick him up. You never know he may be ugly and she'll be put off.


    My GF is out ATM but she may have advice - I'll ask her. She was once like your step-daughter when she was 17 with her ex. She's now 25 and sensible after being in the situation - she always said if her parents handled it differently she would have handled it differently herself.


    at that age it doesn't matter if you're ugly, it's about how u can manipulate the other person.
    #19
    kitty
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    RE: My Stepdaughter (again!) - Turn for the worse 2005/07/28 11:48:16 (permalink)
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    Totally agree with James. As a teenager I too did not want to take any advice from my parents. The lad I was with was in my mind the love of my life and no matter how much they said they didn't like him it did not change my mind. Took 2 years (which I know you haven't got) for me to change my mind about him and see him for real. What I am trying to say and I know it's hard is that somehow try and lay off the negative things about the lad to her face. I still wish she would speak to his guardians as that would be the ideal way.

    Maybe try this...arrange with his guardians a full meet up. Tell you step daughter that as she is so adamant that she is moving out that she has to appreciate that you want the best for her and that if there is no way you can change her mind to stay at home the next best thing you can do is at least check out the flat she will be living in, meet the lad and wish her the best for the future and reassure her that there is always a room at your place should it not work out (afterall isn't this what every Father says to his daughter as she's leaving home/getting married?)......of course you then all go to Bournemouth, the flat doesn't exist, he's an ugly git and hopefully she'll see the error of her ways. Call their bluff!
    #20
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