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Not getting on with a step child, HELP!

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odyysey
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2011/03/23 19:41:56 (permalink)

Not getting on with a step child, HELP!

Been with my girlfriend since early Feb and all is going swimmingly, except for the behaviour of her 3 year old son.
 
I get on really well with her other son who is ten but the younger one seems to be a little sod!  He is a very controlling little boy and throws huge tantrums if he doesn't get his own way.  An example of this was on Sunday.  He was on a sofa, with his mother about ten feet away from the sofa that i was sitting on.  He shouted at me 'you come here', I said that if he wanted me then he could come over to me, he then starts screaming 'u come here now'.  His mother told him off and put him in the kitchen, 20 minutes later he is still howling as he knows that his mother will always back down to him.
 
There are lots of other strange behviours that he displays daily and this was a factor in his biological father leaving.  I was wondering if anyone else had experienced a rocky start to their relationship with a partners children, and if any advice could be provided!
 
I do appreciate that he is only three and that toddlers do have tantrums and are unreasonable but it is a lot more than that!  Any help most appreciated!

I'm here to attain not maintain
#1

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    ALHADO
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    Re:Not getting on with a step child, HELP! 2011/03/23 19:43:09 (permalink)
    Hes 3 , enough said!
    #2
    Blasphemousfish
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    Re:Not getting on with a step child, HELP! 2011/03/23 19:45:59 (permalink)
    Yeah, just sounds like standard toddler stuff...
    Can't say for sure, because I don't have any bundles of joy of my own... that I know of...

    We do not forgive. We do not forget. 
    #3
    Sawdust
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    Re:Not getting on with a step child, HELP! 2011/03/23 19:46:50 (permalink)
    i recommed a stealthy kidney punch here and there....

    You're never too young for a kidney punch imo.

    Trolling aside, you're probably better discussing with the missus, you can't win when it comes to other people's kids so it's better to let them take the reigns.
    #4
    john_cappa
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    Re:Not getting on with a step child, HELP! 2011/03/23 19:50:30 (permalink)
    To me that relationship sounds like alot of hassle! 6 weeks into i wouldnt even want to have thought about meeting her children.
    #5
    WGBM
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    Re:Not getting on with a step child, HELP! 2011/03/23 19:51:49 (permalink)
    at 3 years old and having only known him a month or so you can't expect him to get on with you like a step father. give it time mate, all will come good once he gets to know you better.
    btw, good on you for taking on a ladyfriend with young kids

    The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible. Arthur C. Clarke
    #6
    dan20uk
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    Re:Not getting on with a step child, HELP! 2011/03/23 19:52:13 (permalink)
    Tell him to stop acting like a kid... Oh wait a minute...
    #7
    Dan Nukem
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    Re:Not getting on with a step child, HELP! 2011/03/23 20:02:39 (permalink)
    Doink

    i recommed a stealthy kidney punch here and there....

    You're never too young for a kidney punch imo.

    FPMSL! :D

    Trolling aside, you're probably better discussing with the missus, you can't win when it comes to other people's kids so it's better to let them take the reigns.

    Exactry.
    Tell her it's not your kid, your not going to discipline him but you don't know how you should behave.
    #8
    Rosc0PColtrane
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    Re:Not getting on with a step child, HELP! 2011/03/23 20:24:02 (permalink)
    Ignore it mate. He's just 3. Just make sure that when he's good, he gets lots of positive attention. When he's being naughty, he doesn't get rewarded with attention.
    #9
    drab4
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    Re:Not getting on with a step child, HELP! 2011/03/23 20:35:02 (permalink)
    The terrible twos, and terrible threes. Kids are prone to acting out at that sort of age, hence the nicknames! They want to exert some degree of independence but don't really know how
     
    Load of info from parents and professionals on the internet about this sort of thing if you're interested. As this is a very new relationship obviously I'm not saying you need to do a load of reading if you don't want to, ultimately it's up to the mother to parent her child in whatever way she sees fit
     
    #10
    odyysey
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    Re:Not getting on with a step child, HELP! 2011/03/23 20:47:28 (permalink)
    Thanks for all of the replies!
    I've got no choice but to meet the kids as they are around almost every time that we can see each other. 

    I'm here to attain not maintain
    #11
    Hoppy1975
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    Re:Not getting on with a step child, HELP! 2011/03/23 20:49:19 (permalink)
    I would have thought the trouble would have came from the 10 year old, so you,ve done well to get on with him in a relatively short period.....like already said its more than likely just the age the younger lads at........I would imagine that once he realises your getting on well with his older brother and you continue to stand firm in regards to his bad behaviour he,ll calm down hopefully.
    #12
    dirtyvest
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    Re:Not getting on with a step child, HELP! 2011/03/23 20:52:41 (permalink)
    a 3 year old will be testing all sorts of bounderies. he needs consistency from the two of you. Backing down is not a part of that. It's hard enough at that age when you are their dad, you just have to be patient

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    #13
    Pastafarian
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    Re:Not getting on with a step child, HELP! 2011/03/23 21:06:55 (permalink)
    Never easy find something he likes take an intrest.
    E.G read to him,colouring,walks
    What ever he enjoys,make sure its quality time but make it clear once youve done it that you will only do this stuff if he is good.


    That way you can give your time as a reward and take it away when he is being out of order,make sure he has the best time ever when you do it, then he will want you for it not his mum so she cant control it only you and the boy.

    It will be a massive help for his future to learn give and take hopefully starting a bond you can build up on.

    Also little nicknames,cool handshakes, jokes that only you two use will help hin feel bonded too you,once you can get this kind of bond then teach him things and open his eyes to simple stuff around him everyday and basic stuff buttering toast,simple magic tricks or build stuff
    Once you have him being rewarded by getting more out of his day due to your involment he will be your little side kick for 50% of the time then only hate you the remaining 50%
    Good luck mate

    Everyone has been in shape,but not everyone is IN shape,its about where your going not where you have been.
    #14
    DC77
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    Re:Not getting on with a step child, HELP! 2011/03/23 21:08:25 (permalink)
    A 3 year old is hard work at the best of times mate but you need to be the adult and make sure you behave in that manner I echo the consistent approach - you might laugh but have a look at super nanny - it will give you an idea of what 3 years are like and how you speak to them etc
    #15
    dirtyvest
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    Re:Not getting on with a step child, HELP! 2011/03/23 21:21:02 (permalink)
    Yeah, super nanny is useful especially for getting an understanding of how the world looks to them and how they interpret your behaviour.
     
    I remember having my boy on a time-out for close to an hour once. I kept going back every 5 minutes and he'd kick off and so it went on. I eventually got an apology after over 30mins of this but he was so embarrassed he still stayed where he was for another 20mins.

    Limits, like fear, are often just an illusion: MJ 12/9/09
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    #16
    Red_Alert
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    Re:Not getting on with a step child, HELP! 2011/03/23 22:55:58 (permalink)
    Stuff him full of bowls of rice....or Smash him in....

    "I believe in taking care of myself" - Patrick Bateman
      
    #17
    dan20uk
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    Re:Not getting on with a step child, HELP! 2011/03/24 00:30:28 (permalink)
     get your mates round for back up just incase things turn nasty
    #18
    Red_Alert
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    Re:Not getting on with a step child, HELP! 2011/03/24 07:39:32 (permalink)
    Lol sad bastards flagging me

    "I believe in taking care of myself" - Patrick Bateman
      
    #19
    Trident
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    Re:Not getting on with a step child, HELP! 2011/03/24 12:36:57 (permalink)
    I would strongly consider getting out of the relationship mate if I were in your shoes. Sorry to be blunt but I have learned things from experience.
     
    Kids are often a 'labour of love' and when there your own its often very hard but your programmed to love each other deep down because your flesh and blood. Take the love away and your left with 'labour' and often thats all you will get. Throw into the mix a 'difficult' child and your in at the deep end with nothing to realy gain but everything to lose. As you will allways come second to her kids in the mothers eyes then as the kids get older and cause more problems you will allways be on an uneven playing field and if the kids deffo got behaviour problems at 3 then it could be a nightmare by the times hes 7 let alone 15!
     
    All the best with it mate but allways look after number 1 and dont waste your time trying if things look like its a long shot. You only get 1 life afterall.
     
    Regards,
     
    Rich
    #20
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