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Helpful ReplyHot!One couple: One drinker, one sober.

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Carbfiend
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2017/01/09 21:02:21 (permalink)

One couple: One drinker, one sober.

Haven't been here long but you lot seem quite upfront and genuine, been with someone a few years now and while it's almost perfect, she's a drinker and I'm just not. I'm not against it personally just doesn't do much for me, get lazy, neglect diet and training etc, so limit it to once a month, and that's very max.

Thing is, she's a proper drinker, runs in her family, who are all lovely folk, but she turns into a bit of a dick being honest when she's hammered, gets a bit nasty, can't remember what she said seconds ago, bit embarrassing etc,

Was just wondering if I'm focussing on it too much, or if it can actually cause issues long term? if any men / women here have a feller / missus with similar habits please leave your input
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Trunks
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Re: One couple: One drinker, one sober. 2017/01/09 21:09:44 (permalink)
I've had this before. Had to end it to be honest. I found it tedious

It's only a big deal if you make it a big deal. 
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dirtyvest
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Re: One couple: One drinker, one sober. 2017/01/09 21:22:38 (permalink)
The trouble is not so much that she likes it and you don't IMO, the problem is she becomes a person who you possibly don't particularly like when she does drink...... which TBH doesn't present as a positive for the long term prospects of the relationship.
 
My Mrs smokes (altho she is trying to quit) and I don't.... I don't like it, she doesn't smoke loads and she goes out for the 10mins she has one. But it doesn't impact on our relationship or her as a person at all. In fact her quitting is presenting the greater challenge to us

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Rasputin
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Re: One couple: One drinker, one sober. 2017/01/09 21:31:33 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby silent rep 2017/01/10 05:08:17
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I've had this before. Had to end it to be honest. I found it tedious


Snap same here. Final straw we when she buried and ice axe into the wall beside my head. Bin her asap off imagine he mother of your kids being a drunk loose cannon. **** that.
post edited by Rasputin - 2017/01/09 21:32:39

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tellersquill
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Re: One couple: One drinker, one sober. 2017/01/09 21:33:46 (permalink)
Maybe just don't go out with her when she's drinking.
 
Tell her the truth - you don't like her when she is drunk

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GOVINDA
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Re: One couple: One drinker, one sober. 2017/01/09 21:51:15 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby simonboyle 2017/01/10 00:37:03
Been there done that, now a single parent, basically unless you're brain dead it won't work out well.

Alt er mulig
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Carbfiend
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Re: One couple: One drinker, one sober. 2017/01/09 22:43:24 (permalink)
Hopeful replies, lmfao. Na, cheers for the honest info.
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VikingPump
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Re: One couple: One drinker, one sober. 2017/01/09 23:13:57 (permalink)
How often does she do it? If its just a one per week type thing, just dont spend time with her that night?

Not convinced its a deal breaker unless its happening all the time. May be worth a conversation to say you don't like it when she's extremely drunk?

Also, is it something she will grow out of?
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simonboyle
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Re: One couple: One drinker, one sober. 2017/01/10 00:36:08 (permalink)
Carbfiend
Haven't been here long but you lot seem quite upfront and genuine, been with someone a few years now and while it's almost perfect, she's a drinker and I'm just not. I'm not against it personally just doesn't do much for me, get lazy, neglect diet and training etc, so limit it to once a month, and that's very max.

Thing is, she's a proper drinker, runs in her family, who are all lovely folk, but she turns into a bit of a dick being honest when she's hammered, gets a bit nasty, can't remember what she said seconds ago, bit embarrassing etc,

Was just wondering if I'm focussing on it too much, or if it can actually cause issues long term? if any men / women here have a feller / missus with similar habits please leave your input

No mate. I'm the same.
Harsh truth is, most people are irritating when drunk. People who are nasty are just dicks. Alcohol is not an excuse.
UK culture tells us that it's fine and normal. It isn't. Drinking often and being drunk is not normal, healthy or a good idea. Need to stop lying about it.
If she is being a dick then she needs to stop. You are not there to take **** from anyone. Drunk or not
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simonboyle
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Re: One couple: One drinker, one sober. 2017/01/10 00:38:01 (permalink)
dirtyvest
The trouble is not so much that she likes it and you don't IMO, the problem is she becomes a person who you possibly don't particularly like when she does drink...... which TBH doesn't present as a positive for the long term prospects of the relationship.
 
My Mrs smokes (altho she is trying to quit) and I don't.... I don't like it, she doesn't smoke loads and she goes out for the 10mins she has one. But it doesn't impact on our relationship or her as a person at all. In fact her quitting is presenting the greater challenge to us

Or the multitude of impending medical conditions?
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Mobster
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Re: One couple: One drinker, one sober. 2017/01/10 10:23:51 (permalink)
Most of the guys have it spot on. Been there, got the t-shirt and long term it did and will do my nut in.

 
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Carbfiend
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Re: One couple: One drinker, one sober. 2017/01/10 16:43:43 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby simonboyle 2017/01/10 16:46:09
Thanks simonboyle - nice to know it isn't just me, feel like I've been going mad for a long time tbh.
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Carbfiend
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Re: One couple: One drinker, one sober. 2017/01/10 16:44:57 (permalink)
VikingPump
How often does she do it? If its just a one per week type thing, just dont spend time with her that night?

Not convinced its a deal breaker unless its happening all the time. May be worth a conversation to say you don't like it when she's extremely drunk?

Also, is it something she will grow out of?


It happens weekly minimum, but she just lost her job and already Friday went out got smashed and high, then went out Monday day time drinking with her pal...
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simonboyle
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Re: One couple: One drinker, one sober. 2017/01/10 16:47:06 (permalink)
To be honest mate, she sounds irritating as ****. She's an adult. Time to start taking some responsibility. As it isn't yours to baby sitting her.
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VikingPump
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Re: One couple: One drinker, one sober. 2017/01/10 17:01:18 (permalink)
Confront her about it and explain your point of view.

There's compromise in any relationship. All comes down to your feelings for her and how much you want the relationship.

Nobody is perfect. If it's only once a week I'd take a quiet night to myself that evening and spend time with her the rest of the evenings.

She might not even realise you don't like it.
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jack5r
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Re: One couple: One drinker, one sober. 2017/01/10 17:13:35 (permalink)
Everyone I know likes a drink so I don't see the issue unless she actually becomes a dick and says horrible things to you/others. Starts aguments over nothing etc..
If she just becomes a bit if a pleb laughing at unfunny things and making less sense then I don't really see the harm.

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GOVINDA
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Re: One couple: One drinker, one sober. 2017/01/10 17:17:09 (permalink)
When she starts going out and not coming back for a night or two is when you know it's time to cut it.

Alt er mulig
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SeanR
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Re: One couple: One drinker, one sober. 2017/01/10 17:46:56 (permalink)
Carbfiend
Haven't been here long but you lot seem quite upfront and genuine, been with someone a few years now and while it's almost perfect, she's a drinker and I'm just not. I'm not against it personally just doesn't do much for me, get lazy, neglect diet and training etc, so limit it to once a month, and that's very max.

Thing is, she's a proper drinker, runs in her family, who are all lovely folk, but she turns into a bit of a dick being honest when she's hammered, gets a bit nasty, can't remember what she said seconds ago, bit embarrassing etc,

Was just wondering if I'm focussing on it too much, or if it can actually cause issues long term? if any men / women here have a feller / missus with similar habits please leave your input

love me mum to bits, but she was bad after a drink for many years, always thought my dad would have had an happier life if he had dumped her.
 
Mums calmed down now, but she is 70 lol, your choice.
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SeanR
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Re: One couple: One drinker, one sober. 2017/01/10 18:03:30 (permalink)
VikingPump


I'd take a quiet night to myself that evening and spend time with her the rest of the evenings.



If shes a complete dick, this could well be impossible. Some will come in, kick off, throw ****, but worst of all, put the chip pan on whilst your upstairs wondering if shes going to set the house on fire (depends I suppose)
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Floydy
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Re: One couple: One drinker, one sober. 2017/01/10 18:12:05 (permalink)
Looks to me that it's never going to work as a fully compatible relationship unless some cards are placed on the table, i.e. an in depth discussion about how things should progress. It's pretty uneven.
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