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dirtyvest
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2015/01/22 17:23:46 (permalink)
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Pulling your kid from school (primary)

Anyone done this...?
 
We are currently looking to change my son's school as his current lot are a bunch of *insert own expletive here*. However, today we (or at least the Mrs) has been pushed over the edge with the manner in which they have dealt with, what has been, an ever escalating situation and my son is about as upset as a kid can be.
 
As a result we basically don't want him going back until we can get in to another school, a process that we are just doing the forms for. However, are we likely to set ourselves up for some crap if we do this? I assume the school will report his absence to which every authority they need to, but if they see there are issues and we are actively trying to move him will they penalise us?
 
Any input appreciated

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Blub2abs
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Re: Pulling your kid from school (primary) 2015/01/22 17:30:37 (permalink)
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Not a parent nor teacher so I cannot be taken as authoritive on this, but if your son is suffering stress at their hands, it should be sufficient reason for an absence for now.  I also imagine they (Local Education Authorities) put a cap on the duration of that absence, after which you and he must come in to explain the situation.
 
If you'll give me a bit of time I will text a teacher I know, and come back with some kind of insider info.  I hate the over-feminisation of boys in schools, it spells doom for men as we know them. 
 
Good luck meanwhile.
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dirtyvest
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Re: Pulling your kid from school (primary) 2015/01/22 17:40:27 (permalink)
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I reckon we're feeling as much stress as he is. Absolutely fuming, but I trust their version of events even less than I trust his (seeing as kids tend to blow things up a bit) and they are completely breaking him down so I don't want any long term damage so he's not going back there for sure

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Greyphantom
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Re: Pulling your kid from school (primary) 2015/01/22 18:15:33 (permalink)
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make notes of everything, dates times situations etc... if you can get corroborating support... contact your LEA and get them on board and make complaints official and loud... make damn sure youre justified in your perception of the issues too (sorry devils advocate there) and above all make damn sure they get the best for your child... we moved our kids but it was due to moving homes... however I understand you can move them due to extenuating circumstances too and just have to follow the process... best of luck matey... to you and your little fella...
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dirtyvest
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Re: Pulling your kid from school (primary) 2015/01/22 18:46:56 (permalink)
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Cheers, mate. The school we're moving to is our catchment school and they have places so it should be OK I hope.
 
It's tough collating info etc as you can never have any evidence and it's always their word against the kids but I will endeavour to keep a note altho as of now there won't be anything as we don't intend of sending him back.
 
That said, most of the issues we have isn't actually about the stories are son tells us but how we see them responding/reacting.
 
So far the response to him forgetting his reading book a couple of times but us trying to reiterate that we still read his book at home, is to say "well, we just won't give him a book to read then!" - productive and mature response. He's been slow at handwriting due to not having a dominant hand until halfway thru year 2 and is regularly told his handwriting is 'disgusting' (very motivational) and today they said they were 'done with him' over it, despite last term them telling me it had come on a lot. He was made to face the wall outside in front of everyone for walking with his arm round his mate on the way to a lesson - a situation his other teachers called him a liar over, repeatedly, until we stepped in and said it had happened and we had an apology for the way it may have been handled. Was told to his face that he's only good for causing trouble for other kids. They are now accusing him and his mate of colluding to drop the teachers in trouble and telling his friend not be his friend anymore. They gave him a bollocking for the Mrs going in to speak to his teacher, telling him he should make us go to the Head.... well they need to raise that with us not bollock him for confiding in us and us going to the teacher - for which he was to aplogise to the teacher
 
What angers me is the way the manage it. The fact that they will call my kid a liar to our face (despite the fact that he wasn't) rather than choosing something more tactful like "he's mistaken" or something. It makes me wonder how much of the other stuff he tells us is actually true not him exaggerating. The way they instantly side with each other rather than maybe having a nutural stance, and completely dismissing my son's version of events as fantasy.
 
My boy is something of a drama queen but he's not 'nasty' in the sense that he would make this all up and doesn't cause trouble (maybe a bit too chatty) - he might overreact and wind himself up over it and distort events but not outright lie

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lancs_lad
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Re: Pulling your kid from school (primary) 2015/01/22 18:48:14 (permalink)
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Why would a teacher make up the events?
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dirtyvest
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Re: Pulling your kid from school (primary) 2015/01/22 18:49:29 (permalink)
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Some of that reads a bit petty, but when I can see the effect the last 3-4 months has had on his schooling and how much he hates going in and how angry (not upset but angry) he is when he leaves. Every day there is an issue of some kind but there is no consideration there end on how to work it all out
 

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Greyphantom
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Re: Pulling your kid from school (primary) 2015/01/22 19:13:47 (permalink)
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lancs_lad
Why would a teacher make up the events?


are you kidding...???? to save their ar$e is the main bit and so the school does not get put on special measures... most schools and teachers are good and do a good job but there are those that are crap and really dont want to be there but do it as they cant be ar$ed trying to do anything else or its not what they imagine, kids are fvcking hard work and I think teachers must have some saint about them somewhere to do what they do but by no means are all teachers and schools above bullsh1tting their way clear of a problem...
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dirtyvest
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Re: Pulling your kid from school (primary) 2015/01/22 19:25:41 (permalink)
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The teachers aren't making events up here and I'm not accusing them of doing so as such, but they will deny something until they're blue in the face and call the kids liars without hesitation as we have witnessed first hand when they were in fact being truthful (albeit with a bit of exaggeration, such as how long they were there for) - after all kids do get confused, or misremember and do have little fantasy dream worlds so it's easy to pass that off.
 
But it seems the default response is the children are lieing. Within 1 term (this has never been an issue before) my boy is labelled as troublesome and they are "done with him" when I have seen very little done to encourage him or assist him where he is struggling. Every other year they have sung his praises (yr 4 now). The head keeps saying how this teacher is excellent... well it's only her second year so that is a bold claim. But if her only way of managing the kids is to yell and berate them (which ALL the kids complain about) there is only so much "manning up" he can do - which was some advice they gave incidentaly.
 
I do sympathise that teaching is a thankless and very tough job (my wife is in preschool childcare).... but if you cannot do it then do something else, don't ruin my kids school life cos you can't manage your chosen profession.

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lancs_lad
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Re: Pulling your kid from school (primary) 2015/01/22 19:57:17 (permalink)
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Greyphantom
lancs_lad
Why would a teacher make up the events?


are you kidding...???? to save their ar$e is the main bit and so the school does not get put on special measures... most schools and teachers are good and do a good job but there are those that are crap and really dont want to be there but do it as they cant be ar$ed trying to do anything else or its not what they imagine, kids are fvcking hard work and I think teachers must have some saint about them somewhere to do what they do but by no means are all teachers and schools above bullsh1tting their way clear of a problem...




Give me an example from your experience not word of mouth.
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Fruity
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Re: Pulling your kid from school (primary) 2015/01/22 20:51:55 (permalink)
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Sorry to hear this DV but have little to offer but my sympathy.  I collected my lad (7 year old) two days ago and could see something was up.  On gentle questioning, the tears arrived and I I discovered he had been shouted at and pulled to the front of the class for putting his chair on the table at the end of the day.  They do this every day but because of some meeting they were told not to but he forgot.  Massive over reaction from a teacher having a bad day (her laptop had broken).
 
I was fuming but managed not to go back in and ask her if she thought her reaction was measured and appropriate.  Probably for the best.  He's had two good years at his nice school but this teacher is a bitch who hates her job, which I found out on our parent/teacher meeting, she's just a cow. 
 
Anyway we talked it out (me and the boy) and I told him he's not in trouble with me and thats what counts.  He may have a difficult boss sometime in the future and learning to deal with this unpleasant woman is part of school.  But she's on my radar! 
 
All the best, keep a cool head if you can.
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dirtyvest
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Re: Pulling your kid from school (primary) 2015/01/22 21:03:27 (permalink)
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Cheers, mate... this is largely what we seem to be dealing with every time we pick him up. At least from his daily account of things. It seems everything is a shouting match for her and then once he has been angered by that he holds on to it and the day just gets worse and they get less from him. But the solution, according to the Head, is for him to 'man-up'... well how about they treat the kids as they expect to be treated in return. While I know they have to be firm there also has to be a mutual level of respect.
 
He clearly isn't trouble or naughty as he's hardly had a warning all year so far and only the 1 sending out (or standing facing the wall outside) so that statement they made doesn't hold water. He's had a lot more in previous years yet they have never bothered him, he was more embarrassed as he knew they were warranted rather than angry at being harshly treated.
 
If I go in there shouting at one of them they'll have me banned from the school

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wolverine83
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Re: Pulling your kid from school (primary) 2015/01/23 09:27:47 (permalink)
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Blub2absI hate the over-feminisation of boys in schools, it spells doom for men as we know them. 



What the f*ck relevance does this statement have to anything? You're really quite weird, I think you have issues.
 
 
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JimXVX
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Re: Pulling your kid from school (primary) 2015/01/23 10:07:03 (permalink)
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My wife & I moved our 2 kids to a new school last January when they were in years 2 & 5.  Hands down the best decision we've ever made.  We've gone from a situation where 12 months ago the previous school had dealt appallingly with my youngest's epilepsy (to the point which she was in danger on a few occasions & couldn't read after 2 years of school) to the point now where she's within 'age related expectations' academically & is reducing her medication.
 
Fortunately we managed to time it so that our kids literally finished one school on Friday & started the new one of Monday so I can't advise about that side of it.  We managed to get the head at the new school to grease the wheels with the LEA so that the transfer could happen immediately rather than the 4-6 weeks we were initially advised.  If you've not done so already speak to the new head to see if he/she can speed things up.
 
I'm an ex-teacher & my wife is a teacher, however make no mistake teachers will do/say absolutely anything to cover their arses when they've messed up.  
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Blub2abs
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Re: Pulling your kid from school (primary) 2015/01/23 11:41:03 (permalink)
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wolverine83
Blub2absI hate the over-feminisation of boys in schools, it spells doom for men as we know them. 



What the f*ck relevance does this statement have to anything? You're really quite weird, I think you have issues.



LOL, if it doesn't fit your own little worldview, do go ahead and put me on 'Ignore' or 'Block'.  Either you can, or I will, I don't make time for drama queens. 
 
Back on Planet Earth now...
 
OP - Good news, I've had it confirmed you can withdraw the child without penalty pending creation of a formal complaint.  My source was unable to pin down the exact length of time, but weeks are common.  However, be aware you need to inform the school of the withdrawal asap.  If the LEA or school has an email addy for parents, hunt it down, and simply state that "Johnny has been withdrawn from X school pending a complaint to be detailed shortly", that will start the clock, so to speak. 
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sillynarbie
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Re: Pulling your kid from school (primary) 2015/01/23 12:21:54 (permalink)
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Disgraceful behaviour. I'm always disgusted at the things primary teachers punish children for. I myself was made to stay in at break time for weeks on end for some trivial matter about something I can't even remember when I was about 5 or 6. My mum got wind when she asked me what I did at break time and I couldn't tell her anything. She marched into school and went absolutely ballistic at the teacher and spoke to the head. The next day I was allowed out at break time like normal and the teacher was nice as pie to me. Still sickens me now to see how some teachers can bully and abuse their power over little children and only when somebody kicks up a fuss does anything happen.
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lancs_lad
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Re: Pulling your kid from school (primary) 2015/01/23 13:43:02 (permalink)
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Yes teachers are massive bullys and all children are little angels.
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Greyphantom
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Re: Pulling your kid from school (primary) 2015/01/23 13:58:33 (permalink)
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lancs_lad Give me an example from your experience not word of mouth.


ok I was a parent governor at a school where records of attendance were fudged to allow the head teachers pc friends to keep their kids places in the school while they took their kids out to teach them among the trees during the summer months... a complaint was made hence the fudging... soon after it was made official (something to do with way of life or some sh1te)...
 
there were a couple of incidents with school bullies that were brushed over and reports changed or manipulated (one in which I got involved as a parent governor that was quiet serious but the management did NOT want to have made public)...
 
etc... in fact some of the stuff I saw made me step down as a parent governor and when moved the kids to a new school not get involved even with the pta... however at their new school things were much better and tbh it was a good school with really good teachers... and to be very fair there were some very very good teachers at their previous school... just ruined by a couple of right dodgy ones...
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Greyphantom
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Re: Pulling your kid from school (primary) 2015/01/23 14:00:09 (permalink)
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lancs_lad
Yes teachers are massive bullys and all children are little angels.

yeah bl00dy teachers lol....
 
I dont think thats true and while more and more lately it seems the parent will blame the teacher instead of the kid (which is bs imho) there still are examples of some really bad teachers... hell even a lot of my teacher friends say the same... btw teacher are you??
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dirtyvest
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Re: Pulling your kid from school (primary) 2015/01/23 19:56:33 (permalink)
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Well my boy didn't go in today but will be next week.
 
We have started the 'in school admission' process, hand delivered the application this afternoon and it should take 10 days, so I guess in 2 weeks or at worst after half term he will start at the new school.
 
I don't for one second think my son is without an element of responsibility in all this, however he is the 9y/o child and they are the adults. He hasn't displayed this level of anger and distress about school until this year and never had his attitude raised as a problem, ever, in fact has always been praised for his class input and enthusiasm. The way the class teacher and also the Head have managed the situation is appalling IMO and to have essentially punished him in the end for confiding in his parents is something I would happily kick up a sh!t storm over if I could prove anything. 
 
I got to read the Heads 'comments' in our application form and it basically said my son was manipulated adults and was very uncooperative over support offered, altho she did say this was despite actually showing great promise. Now while this is true in part, his lack of cooperation is down to the 'support' being pushed on him as a punishment, his 'disgusting' handwriting means he has to rewrite it all in his lunch break - well, no sh!t he doesn't like it when that's how it's done.
 
I have no huge issue with whatever failings say my child may have (I know kids can be buggers), but to have let it escalate to this point, make out that he is some evil mastermind, blame him for everything and never have called us and the teacher in together to see what can or needs to be done to progress is crazy (we were spoken to, then she'd speak to the teacher separately, and then we'd be told the teacher's version is clearly the 'correct' one).
 
We won't be making a formal complaint as it's simply my boy's word against them (as we won't want to drag the other kids Mum into all of that) and he is going back on Monday so we shouldn't have any repercussions there.
 
My Mrs has been in to the new school, we are meeting the Head on Wednesday
post edited by dirtyvest - 2015/01/23 20:04:11

Limits, like fear, are often just an illusion: MJ 12/9/09
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