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Re: Short Jokes

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geneticallyjacked
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2011/04/07 10:14:10 (permalink)
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Re: Short Jokes

We need something fun on here, this thread had become too serious. How about some short jokes.
If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.
#1

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    cu3ed
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    Re: Short Jokes 2011/04/07 12:01:23 (permalink)
    +4 (2)
    David Hasselhoff walks into a bar. The barman says "Hey! David Hasselhoff!"
    David says "Hey buddy, I don't really wanna be recognised, could you call me David Hoff?"
    The barman replies "Sure, no hassel!"
    #2
    BBC
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    Re: Short Jokes 2011/04/07 12:04:01 (permalink)
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    lol cu3ed, like it!
    #3
    Red_Alert
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    Re: Short Jokes 2011/04/07 12:04:33 (permalink)
    0 (2)
    When we are in bed, my wife doesn't like me to spoon her when she's on her period.

    But I can't help it, I just love the taste.

    "I believe in taking care of myself" - Patrick Bateman
      
    #4
    geneticallyjacked
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    Re: Short Jokes 2011/04/07 12:08:30 (permalink)
    0 (1)
    I want to hang a map of the world in my house, and then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But first I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down
    #5
    geneticallyjacked
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    Re: Short Jokes 2011/04/07 12:12:45 (permalink)
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    My father was stupid. He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens
    #6
    geneticallyjacked
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    Re: Short Jokes 2011/04/07 12:17:26 (permalink)
    -2 (1)
    Last week I saw my psychiatrist. I told him, "Doc, I keep thinking I'm a dog." He told me to get off his couc
    #7
    geneticallyjacked
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    Re: Short Jokes 2011/04/07 12:18:53 (permalink)
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    What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me
    #8
    Joeschop
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    Re: Short Jokes 2011/04/07 13:09:42 (permalink)
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    2 fish swimming along, one bangs his head...
     
    Dam!
    #9
    LMC
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    Re: Short Jokes 2011/04/07 13:10:43 (permalink)
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    Hmm...the "joke" quota on the above is a bit low so I think it needs redressing. Ahem.......
     
    I've just bought some new aftershave made entirely out of breadcrumbs.
    Ok, it doesn't smell the greatest but the birds love it.
    #10
    LMC
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    Re: Short Jokes 2011/04/07 13:12:35 (permalink)
    0
    I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke sat behind a gravestone.
    "Morning." I said.
    "No" he replied, "just having a sh*t."
    #11
    LMC
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    Re: Short Jokes 2011/04/07 13:13:20 (permalink)
    +6 (3)
    Went around to a friend's house today. His wife was sat there with their newborn baby. She asked if I'd like to wind it.... I thought that was a bit harsh so I gave it a dead leg instead.
    #12
    LMC
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    Re: Short Jokes 2011/04/07 13:13:48 (permalink)
    +2 (1)
    I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.
    I thought to myself "that guy's heading for a breakdown'".
    #13
    stevie bully bully
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    Re: Short Jokes 2011/04/07 13:32:04 (permalink)
    0
    Some funny ones from lmc there....
    #14
    stevie bully bully
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    Re: Short Jokes 2011/04/07 13:41:59 (permalink)
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    I was asked by a police officer where i was between four and six....i replied at infant school you dozy twat.....
    #15
    RichG123
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    Re: Short Jokes 2011/04/07 13:54:23 (permalink)
    0
    Man walks into a bar and orders 5 shots of vodka
    barman: what you want all them for?
    man: just had my first BJ
    barman: oh in that case the shots are on the house, BJ's are amazing arnt they
    man: yeah there not bad but i cant seem to get rid of the taste
    #16
    john_cappa
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    Re: Short Jokes 2011/04/07 13:55:27 (permalink)
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    cu3ed

    David Hasselhoff walks into a bar. The barman says "Hey! David Hasselhoff!"
    David says "Hey buddy, I don't really wanna be recognised, could you call me David Hoff?"
    The barman replies "Sure, no hassel!"


    #17
    CitizenKane
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    Re: Short Jokes 2011/04/07 14:08:46 (permalink)
    +2 (1)
    I told my doctor that I was addicted to Twitter.
     
    He said "I don't follow you".

    "Be adequate"
     
    #18
    Dan Nukem
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    Re: Short Jokes 2011/04/07 14:23:49 (permalink)
    0
    A Dept.of Agriculture officer stopped at a farm, and talked with an old farmer.
    He told the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs."
    The farmer said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.

    The D.of A. officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Government with me !"

     
    Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.
     
    "See this badge?!  This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !! 
    No questions asked or answers given!!  Have I made myself clear......do you understand ?!!"

    The farmer nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.

    A short time later, the old old man heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the D of A officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......


    With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety.  The officer was clearly terrified.

    The farmer threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....               
     
     
     
     

    " Quick...Your badge, show him your F******BADGE........ ! !"

     
    #19
    WGBM
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    Re: Short Jokes 2011/04/07 14:31:55 (permalink)
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    erm Dan, i'm sure this thread is entitled SHORT JOKES

    The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible. Arthur C. Clarke
    #20
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