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AnsweredHot!Relationship Help

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Hall95x
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2017/04/18 21:27:49 (permalink)

Relationship Help

Evening all.

I don't post on here too much but use the forum a lot and would really appreciate some advice as I'm in a full pretty dark place at the moment.

So I am married to my wife of 2 years and we have my gorgeous daughter who's is soon to be 2.
I am in the forces and work full time to provide for my family. (House etc etc)

I also volunteer for the ambulance service once a week as I am medically trained so go out with paramedics assisting on jobs.

Anyway..

Last year me and the Mrs were in a bad point in our relationship and almost split, I found her talking to one of my old mates flirting via text. I caught her and she promised to block him etc.

Last week I noticed her hiding her phone from me, so I took the opportunity to go on her phone. (A bit slimy I know)

Anyway, I found that she has been having a full affair with this guy for around 4months. Sending each other nude photos, generally talking, sexting, calling, face timing, sending pictures of my daughter to him and telling each other how much they love each other deeply.

I also found out that they have been meeting up whilst he has been on leave in the U.K. (He's based in Germany). She met up with him twice when she was 'walking the dog' and then again invited him round our home with my daughter upstairs whilst I was on my volunteer work I do.

She insisted that it was all online and in person they didn't do anything apart from a quick goodbye hug every time. After calling her bluff and pretending I knew what had happened I finally got truth after truth. And I told her if we want to staart fresh she is to tell me everything. Basically she says she's hey have only kissed, hugged and cuddled.

However I saw texts saying 'can't wait for tonight I'm going to be doing XXX to you' etc.

If I'm honest I really believe they have done stuff and I will never know.

What would you do? I love her to bits and have known her since I was 16. (I'm only 22 now)

I feel betrayed and I believe she is generally sorry however I believe it's just because she had been caught.

I'm getting him kicked out of the forces for it as it's massively frowned upon and he find it hilarious what he's done to me and my family. I've restrained from bartering him as I'd lose my job.

Basically I'm just in a really **** place at a young age and don't know what to do as my head is playing games with me as I don't know if she has told me everything and I'll never know a way to find out.

Sorry if this is really long or soppy, just haven't got too many mates that I can vent this off to as they are abroad on operations at the moment so just typing this out has let me release some steam.

Any help or advice would be appreciated.
Sorry guys but thanks.
Ryan
#1
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Rasputin
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Re: Relationship Help 2017/04/18 21:51:30 (permalink)☄ Helpfulby Animal 2017/04/18 22:01:23
Bin her off bury it and move on for the sake of your daughter making sure she knows mommy was a whore that's why you're not together.

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Trunks
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Re: Relationship Help 2017/04/18 22:33:48 (permalink)
I cannot see this ending well if you stay with her. I'd keep all the dirt I had about what she did just in case there's a custody issue.
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Hall95x
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Re: Relationship Help 2017/04/18 22:44:05 (permalink)
Yeah I'm in two minds. It comes across as she is genuinely sorry and wanted the attention as I probably didn't give her enough, however that's never an excuse.

I love her and it's so hard to make a decision because I have so much to loose. My family, seeing my daughter from every day to every weekend, house, everything.

I'm gutted.
#4
Trunks
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Re: Relationship Help 2017/04/18 22:51:52 (permalink)
She lied to you when you first suspected it. Do you have any reason to think she wouldn't lie to you again?

I might be inclined to give her another chance for the sake of the kid but don't be surprised if it happens again.
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VikingPump
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Re: Relationship Help 2017/04/18 22:55:07 (permalink)
One positive is that you are very young, so if you do walk then have plenty of time.

Hard decision - everyone you ask will have the initial reaction of dump her.

Does whether they have done stuff or not even matter? For me the fact I would never trust her again, and the intention, would be enough.

It's one of those things you can never go back on - and not really something you can work on. Either got to swallow it (and your pride) praying she'll never do it again, or get out of there.

If my Mrs did similar I don't think I'd ever be able to get it out of my mind, and it would just drive me insane. Sick that she did it while you were away providing for her! Fair play for not smashing his face in, and hers.

Don't feel like you are not putting your daughter first by getting out, the mother is in the wrong - not you.
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GOVINDA
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Re: Relationship Help 2017/04/18 22:55:46 (permalink)☄ Helpfulby Mobster 2017/04/19 15:44:28
Bin her, crack on.

Alt er mulig
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Hall95x
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Re: Relationship Help 2017/04/18 22:58:49 (permalink)
Thank you for your comments gents.

Obviously I want to just provide the best life possible for my daughter and previously wanted to give my wife also the best life possible.

@vikingpump I wasn't really providing, I was volunteering and did 2 x Cardiac arrests that night helping others out. Not getting paid. So yeah really ****ing sick.
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VikingPump
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Re: Relationship Help 2017/04/18 23:00:39 (permalink)
Get yourself to the nearest brothel!
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NotForTheWeak
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Re: Relationship Help 2017/04/18 23:19:43 (permalink)
Hall95x
I've restrained from bartering him as I'd lose my job.




what would you have wanted in trade?
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Hall95x
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Re: Relationship Help 2017/04/18 23:20:21 (permalink)
NotForTheWeak
Hall95x
I've restrained from bartering him as I'd lose my job.




what would you have wanted in trade?


Lol meant to say battering.
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Dick Dastardly
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Re: Relationship Help 2017/04/19 08:05:40 (permalink)☄ Helpfulby Hall95x 2017/04/19 09:45:18
Mate, ex-squaddie here, did 9 years and seen this type of scenario, especially with the younger guys. 
 
Bin her off, she will never change/learn. Support and care for your daughter and move on with you personal life. 

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CitizenKane
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Re: Relationship Help 2017/04/19 08:07:38 (permalink)☄ Helpfulby Hall95x 2017/04/19 09:45:40
The fact you're only 22 makes it a no brainer. You don't need sh1t like this at your age, go and live your life for a while.

"Be adequate"
 
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Wes Borland
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Re: Relationship Help 2017/04/19 08:34:45 (permalink)☄ Helpfulby Hall95x 2017/04/19 09:45:47
She's been shagging another bloke behind your back.

She's telling you what you want to hear re: only kissing etc. because she's been rumbled.

Don't try and justify her behaviour by blaming yourself for not giving her enough attention.

See a solicitor who specialises in family law and protect yourself as much as possible before divorcing her.

It's easier to stay put and justify her behaviour/convince yourself it won't happen again/believe her when she tries to play down what really went on.

I know there's a kid involved but you need to think about your long term happiness here.

I bet that prick is still in the background and they're waiting for things to calm down.
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flick161
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Re: Relationship Help 2017/04/19 08:48:25 (permalink)☄ Helpfulby Hall95x 2017/04/19 09:46:08
As a female chipping in here, I'd honestly say you should leave, and I don't say that lightly because you've got kids.
 
She obviously did it for a reason, and whilst she probably won't do it again; you won't recover the relationship back to what it was.
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makaveli1971 1996
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Re: Relationship Help 2017/04/19 09:03:38 (permalink)☄ Helpfulby Hall95x 2017/04/19 10:12:30
How you can even ask what to do is pretty silly, unless you like being taken for a c*nt off course, bin her off life is way too short for c*nts like that, and if you stay then it'll only end one way, whether that's in a few months or years, its just more time wasted of your life.

Believe me I've been there.

If you love something let it go,if it comes back to you it's yours,if it doesn't it never was.
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GOVINDA
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Re: Relationship Help 2017/04/19 10:39:16 (permalink)
I remember years ago in N.Ireland there used to be discos at the local camp/barracks etc, the kind of ladies who ventured to them were usually a certain kind of lady, the bus was usually packed out, kind of like kids getting bussed to Disney world only this was sausage world, tbh it's probably a hard habit to break especially if you're surrounded by fit lean sausage all the time, nom saying bro.

Alt er mulig
#17
Skrewdriver
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Re: Relationship Help 2017/04/19 12:13:32 (permalink)☄ Helpfulby Hall95x 2017/04/19 15:03:10
Sorry to read this.  Awful situation.  I agree that you're better off without her.
 
Make sure you keep every bit of evidence that you can find.
 
On the positive, it's good that you've found out what she is like now, - you're still very very young so have plenty of time to make a better life for yourself.
As for possessions etc, 5 - 10 years down the line you'd have built up even more assets which should could claim against, - you have only been with each other for a couple of years, - the longer you're with each other and the more assets you build up "together" the more she'll have a claim on.  So better now than later.
 
I guess, and I am just thinking out loud here, - if you really didnt want to go down the messy divorse route, - just continue on the basis which she's set... - basically see as many girls as you want - - guilt free - happy days

I used to walk into a room full of people & wonder if they liked me..... Now I look around & wonder if I like them
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JimXVX
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Re: Relationship Help 2017/04/19 17:26:29 (permalink)☄ Helpfulby Mobster 2017/04/19 17:36:54
That is a really sh*tty situation; sorry to hear it's happened to you.  For me trust is what counts most in a long term relationship; once that's gone (and it's probably gone for good in your case for understandable reasons) you should cut your losses & move on.  However if you do break up I would strongly advise you don't bad mouth your (ex)wife to your daughter as she gets older - no matter what a **** she might be she'll always be the girl's mother so it won't help in the long term.
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Brett
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Re: Relationship Help 2017/04/19 17:42:41 (permalink)☄ Helpfulby Hall95x 2017/04/19 17:46:27
So that's 18 vs 0 for leaving so far.
 
Make that 19 vs 0.
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