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Helpful ReplySuspicious girlfriend.

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Biscuit_Boy
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2014/11/17 10:32:35 (permalink)

Suspicious girlfriend.

I know you guys love this stuff, I'll share my story and see what you guys think ...
 
So to start with, I have been with my girlfriend about 2 years, about 8 months ago I moved 150 miles away from my hometown (where we met and she was working at the time) to live with her near where her hometown is. This was due to her getting a job offer, I also managed to find a good job and everything is going well.
 
I travel a lot with work so am away sometimes all week, multiple weeks in a row.
 
There was this guy she was seeing before she met me, it was heading towards a relationship but he moved to another country, after that as far as I know they would have sex when he came back to the UK (like **** buddies I guess). It's probably important to mention at this point that she is a 'good girl' and finds it disgraceful for people to have one night stands etc.
 
She told me that after she met me she stopped talking to this guy as soon as she knew we were going somewhere.
 
On Saturday evening she left her phone downstairs and I decided to have a look out of curiosity, I found some facebook messages to and from him, the messages started halfway through a conversation so the beginning was obviously deleted, she hadn't said anything bad but he had said something along the lines of 'I'll entertain you when I get out of the shower'
 
She has recently got a new phone and her contacts weren't saved so she had to manually copy over all her contacts, she has consciously copied his number to her new phone and messaged him her number as apparently he lost his phone (facebook status)
 
So I asked her about it and she told me that she agrees it looks bad but she has never and would never cheat on me, she said she has nothing to hide and said I can look through her phone. I didn't want to look through her phone but accepted what she said and within 10 minutes it's all in the past.
 
The problem is I can't shrug this feeling that something isn't right:
 
Am I wrong in saying that it is massively unacceptable for her to be messaging someone who she only had a physical relationship with previously whilst in a relationship?
 
Why would she copy his number to her new phone and send him her number when he lost his when apparently they don't even talk and have no reason to?
 
Why were the earlier messages deleted if she has nothing to hide?
 
I was expecting her to kick off for me going through her phone but it was hardly mentioned and neither of us have said anything about it since and she has been overly affectionate to me since, much more so than normal.
 
 
I'm going to talk to her later and say I'm not 100% happy with what happened and want some of these answers, but I feel like I keep pushing and will just look like a jealous idiot.
 
Would this set off alarm bells? what would you do?
#1
Shae
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Re: Suspicious girlfriend. 2014/11/17 10:41:41 (permalink)
Awful situation... The deleted conversation in itself raises alarms.. Him messaging back suggesting he could entertain her, doesn't sound good at all… (Could be Brittas on snapchat!) And then her being overly affectionate.. In all seriousness though, I'd do as you are going to do.. Talk to her, see if you can get any answers and move on from there, it's just going to stress you out making assumptions.

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#2
Biscuit_Boy
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Re: Suspicious girlfriend. 2014/11/17 10:45:57 (permalink)
Thanks mate.
 
I was waiting for the brittas comments ha.
 
There's nothing I can do other than ask and trust her, I will never find out otherwise. I was tempted to not say anything when I saw them so that in the future I could have another look and see if there was anything more incriminating, no chance of that now.
 
I didn't even get an acknowledgement that she had done something wrong, she just told me she loved me and would never do anything. She does have lots of guy mates but this guy obviously isn't a friend, and being a guy I know exactly why, if I was single, I would keep in contact with someone I used to sleep with. 
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Shae
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Re: Suspicious girlfriend. 2014/11/17 11:00:17 (permalink)
Yeah I totally agree mate, that's why I think it's an awful situation… You know what guy's are like. But, if she's telling you she would never do anything, can you look past that? Despite what you've seen? I mean, if you trust her and you want things to work… It's not like you've caught them at it, you've seen some suggestive messages (from him).. The point is, you're with her now, so if you really wanted to make things work, you'd try your best to forget about this, as hard as it is, and move on with her.. All the best anyway mate!
 
 

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The_Lone_Wolf
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Re: Suspicious girlfriend. 2014/11/17 11:00:57 (permalink)
So why was she giving her new number to an old f**k buddy?
 
Does she have any other apps she can use to communicate on? Twitter, snap chat? Whatsapp etc? 

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ryanc1989
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Re: Suspicious girlfriend. 2014/11/17 11:10:31 (permalink)
To be honest, why is she still messaging him. They're done ages ago so something sounds fishy. If she loved you and didn't want to hurt you she shouldn't be messaging him at all / transferring number to new phone
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Biscuit_Boy
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Re: Suspicious girlfriend. 2014/11/17 11:14:23 (permalink)
Shae
Yeah I totally agree mate, that's why I think it's an awful situation… You know what guy's are like. But, if she's telling you she would never do anything, can you look past that? Despite what you've seen? I mean, if you trust her and you want things to work… It's not like you've caught them at it, you've seen some suggestive messages (from him).. The point is, you're with her now, so if you really wanted to make things work, you'd try your best to forget about this, as hard as it is, and move on with her.. All the best anyway mate!
 
 




Thanks for the advice mate, I guess at the end of the day you need to trust someone.
 
The_Lone_Wolf
So why was she giving her new number to an old f**k buddy?
 
Does she have any other apps she can use to communicate on? Twitter, snap chat? Whatsapp etc? 

 
Yes she has all of those, uses snapchat constantly with her friends, annoys the **** out of me. She said she had spoken to this guy a couple of times just as general chat on whatsapp and on snapchat as well.
 
I specifically asked her after saying the 'ill entertain you after the shower' comment if he had sent her any pictures of if they had used Skype or anything and she said no (I have seen he is on her Skype contacts, so when he moved away they must have skyped each other)
 
 
 
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Re: Suspicious girlfriend. 2014/11/17 11:16:34 (permalink)
Sorry brah, but she likes the post shower ab shot.......
 
In all seriousness, this is the kind of stuff I used to experience with my ex and I'm glad I'm out of it.  What does worry me is, these kind of situations are become so much more common and so easy to find with social media.  Scares me a little when I decide to get serious with someone in future.
 
In the mean time, I plan to use it all to my advantage...... Snapchat dem tiddies!
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Biscuit_Boy
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Re: Suspicious girlfriend. 2014/11/17 11:16:50 (permalink)
I'm quite mindful of the fact that this sort of behaviour (from me) could destroy our relationship as well even if she hasn't done anything, this is all I've thought about since I saw those messages.
 
I've even looked at 'spy cameras' for our bedroom because I travel so much, this isn't really a road I want to go down, I think I need to have one last chat and get the answers to those other questions, if she still says she hasn't done anything then I need to trust her and move on from it or it will destroy us.
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Bill 2908
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Re: Suspicious girlfriend. 2014/11/17 11:17:19 (permalink)
Maybe worth talking to her about it again, it may be harmless, and i hope it is for you! But try talk to her and put her in your shoes and ask her how she would feel, maybe she will realise and remove all form of contact from this guy.
 
It does seem a little fishy but until you get some facts mate i wouldn't stress yourself out by overthinking it. like you said, she's a goods girl? 
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Biscuit_Boy
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Re: Suspicious girlfriend. 2014/11/17 11:18:04 (permalink)
brittas
Sorry brah, but she likes the post shower ab shot.......
 
In all seriousness, this is the kind of stuff I used to experience with my ex and I'm glad I'm out of it.  What does worry me is, these kind of situations are become so much more common and so easy to find with social media.  Scares me a little when I decide to get serious with someone in future.
 
In the mean time, I plan to use it all to my advantage...... Snapchat dem tiddies!




Haha, I would do the same mate. Enjoy it!
 
I hate feeling like this!
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Biscuit_Boy
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Re: Suspicious girlfriend. 2014/11/17 11:21:25 (permalink)
Bill 2908
Maybe worth talking to her about it again, it may be harmless, and i hope it is for you! But try talk to her and put her in your shoes and ask her how she would feel, maybe she will realise and remove all form of contact from this guy.
 
It does seem a little fishy but until you get some facts mate i wouldn't stress yourself out by overthinking it. like you said, she's a goods girl? 




Yeah I'm thinking the way forward is to have a word and say It's made me feel like **** seeing those messages and I can't understand why she was talking to him etc
 
She is a good girl, but experience tells me that anyone is capable of anything!
 
I loved my last girlfriend and she came home drunk and beat the **** out of me with a shoe in my sleep!
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Re: Suspicious girlfriend. 2014/11/17 11:23:44 (permalink)☄ Helpfulby evertonfc 2014/11/17 15:27:05
General chat with an old f**k buddy on various forms of app... That to me sounds fishier than Billingsgate Fish Market mate!
 
I'd be asking questions mate. 

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NotForTheWeak
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Re: Suspicious girlfriend. 2014/11/17 11:32:55 (permalink)
Biscuit_Boy
 
 
I loved my last girlfriend and she came home drunk and beat the **** out of me with a shoe in my sleep!




 
lol, sounds like girls just aint for you mate, you tried men?
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Re: Suspicious girlfriend. 2014/11/17 11:39:43 (permalink)
Think suspirio is looking to get in to the PI business, maybe you could get him on the case?
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Biscuit_Boy
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Re: Suspicious girlfriend. 2014/11/17 11:40:53 (permalink)
NotForTheWeak
Biscuit_Boy
 
 
I loved my last girlfriend and she came home drunk and beat the **** out of me with a shoe in my sleep!




 
lol, sounds like girls just aint for you mate, you tried men?





Is that an offer?
 
If you've ever been with a girl you'd know they are all ****ing crazy lol
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Re: Suspicious girlfriend. 2014/11/17 11:59:48 (permalink)
Biscuit_Boy
I'm quite mindful of the fact that this sort of behaviour (from me) could destroy our relationship as well even if she hasn't done anything, this is all I've thought about since I saw those messages.
 



 
This is part of what went wrong with me and my ex.  I saw flirty messages on Facebook.  It destroyed us.  I couldn't get it out of my head and try as I might it would eventually crop back up in conversation.  But to be fair, she'd been a flirt from the start so as soon as I saw hard evidence it ruined us.  Would check her phone whenever I could.  Not a great place to be.
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Biscuit_Boy
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Re: Suspicious girlfriend. 2014/11/17 12:07:18 (permalink)
brittas
Biscuit_Boy
I'm quite mindful of the fact that this sort of behaviour (from me) could destroy our relationship as well even if she hasn't done anything, this is all I've thought about since I saw those messages.
 



 
This is part of what went wrong with me and my ex.  I saw flirty messages on Facebook.  It destroyed us.  I couldn't get it out of my head and try as I might it would eventually crop back up in conversation.  But to be fair, she'd been a flirt from the start so as soon as I saw hard evidence it ruined us.  Would check her phone whenever I could.  Not a great place to be.




It's not the person I want to be at all.
 
I'm going to speak to her tonight and let her know how I'm feeling about it, ask her the questions about why and that it's not fair on me for her to be doing that.
 
It makes it much worse as I'm going away tomorrow for work all week.
 
Thanks for the comments though its useful to run it past people, since I moved away from home I don't really have any friends around here, only ones from home who I don't speak to as often anymore.
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NotForTheWeak
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Re: Suspicious girlfriend. 2014/11/17 12:11:17 (permalink)
so what made you check her phone in the first place?
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Re: Suspicious girlfriend. 2014/11/17 12:15:50 (permalink)
NotForTheWeak
so what made you check her phone in the first place?




She's always on her phone and it winds me up, I know she snapchats a few guy friends and I wanted to see if there was anything on there. I looked at the phone and then thought no but then I caved and had a look.
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