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Helpful ReplyWhat would you do?

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Uriel
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2014/10/17 20:16:43 (permalink)

What would you do?

Hey guys, I don't normally share my personal life on forums but this issue has been eating away at me and I could use some unbiased opinions to help with perspective (then again it's mostly just guys here so it may not be that unbiased, you'll see why lol). I normally tackle problems head on but this one seems like a lose-lose situation and I wish it would just go away.
 
Let's say that you're married. I'm technically not, buy my relationship with my girlfriend is pretty much that, we just haven't signed the papers and thrown a big party. Naturally she's the most important person in your life.
 
Let's also say you have a best friend, since before you two were kids, since long before you met the missus. You're like brothers, and since your teen years it was pretty much established that when he got married you'd be the best man, and when he had a child you'd be the godfather. You, your wife, him and his are all friends and go out together all the time.
 
And let's say his child is due any day now, and he's asked you to be the godfather, but not your wife (his wife's sister, who is single, will be the godmother).
 
Now your wife feels offended that you were asked and she wasn't, when you're a couple. She's very disappointed in your best friend to the point of not considering him her friend at all anymore (she actually deserved it far more than his sister in law, who just wants to party, smoke and gets drunk all the time on her dad's money, while never actually doing anything for her sister - why his wife would pick her I dunno, bitches be crazy I guess). And while she's not telling you to turn him down, it's pretty obvious it's what she wishes you'd do and she's always sulking (some times trying to hide it more than others).
 
So if you go ahead with being the godfather let your wife down, if you don't you let your friend down. Both badly, most likely. What would you do?
#1
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Suspirio
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Re: What would you do? 2014/10/17 20:22:14 (permalink)
Fcuk that mate.
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makaveli1971 1996
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Re: What would you do? 2014/10/17 20:44:50 (permalink)
That's a tough one, but I guess you need to try and come to a compromise with them all explaining the situation.

I'm sure the easier outcome will be letting your friend down as he's a guy and will understand and won't take it to heart like your women will.

Rationalise with both of them and see what you can try to muster up, but the likely scenario will be saying to your friend that you cannot be, I'm sure he'll be able to deal with it a little better then your misses will.

But then knowing women, your woman will probably be unhappy if you don't be godfather now one way or another.

But you need to explain to both exactly what you've just explained to us.

If you love something let it go,if it comes back to you it's yours,if it doesn't it never was.
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Mick of Gateshead
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Re: What would you do? 2014/10/17 20:51:22 (permalink)
Tell him you would be honoured to be the godfather and tell your wife to grow up. Does anyone really take being godfather seriously now days, im godfather to my niece and nephew and never gave it a second thought since saying yes.
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crooks
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Re: What would you do? 2014/10/17 20:59:11 (permalink)
Amazing the things people get upset about these days. Talk about first world problems! Why on earth is your lady so upset about it?
 
The woman who was my daughter's godmother turned out to be hiding knowledge of my ex wife being a cheating bitch, tbh I couldn't give a **** who is or isn't godparents.
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ANIMAL
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Re: What would you do? 2014/10/17 21:03:07 (permalink)
Being a Godparent means normally involved being willing to raise the child if something happened to the parents. By having 2 godparents who are not in a couple, the parents are really hedging their bets that whatever may happen, their will be someone for the kid. Maybe you could try explain it like that?

Also I'm sure Church of England and Roman Catholic require godparents to be baptised/Christened etc. or is this non traditional Godparenting, ie just in name?

Best of luck though mate, not a situation id like to be in.

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#6
Uriel
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Re: What would you do? 2014/10/17 21:03:33 (permalink)
The problem is I don't see much room for compromise here. Either I am the godfather or I'm not. And I know his wife is too stubborn to change the godmother (especially out of the question now since they've already asked) so my wife being it is not happening. If it comes to that I'll side with the wife, she's ultimately who matters most to me but I don't want to have to chose, and possibly risk ruining such a serious friendship (even if we don't "break up" after a blow like that it'll probably never be the same again - remember this was something that was settled since ages ago, and now that it's time I backing out).
 
I can see where the missus is coming from, but then I also think she's blowing it out of proportion. I probably wouldn't like it in her place, but it's not that big a deal. Hell at this point I wish his sister in law was married so he could ask her husband and leave me out of this whole drama, I'd gladly give up that "honour" if it made this problem go away.
 
Then again ever since going on gear, having all sorts of drama with my parents and a tough job that gives me loads of anxiety for the past year or so, I'm finding it hard to give a damn about much at all one way or another, at the end of the day I just wanna come home to some peace and quiet and everyone can go **** themselves for all I care lol. Maybe if I wasn't so detached I could see better where she's coming from? Guess that's why I'm asking others.
post edited by Uriel - 2014/10/17 21:05:34
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Ian4996
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Re: What would you do? 2014/10/17 21:14:44 (permalink)
Tell him you would be honoured to be the godfather and tell your wife to grow up
 
x2
 
 

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makaveli1971 1996
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Re: What would you do? 2014/10/17 21:28:22 (permalink)
Sounds like you're answering your own dilemma, and as I said I'm sure your mate will understand, if you explain to him the situation you've got lol.

If you love something let it go,if it comes back to you it's yours,if it doesn't it never was.
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Trident
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Re: What would you do? 2014/10/17 21:35:21 (permalink)
 
I would thank him for the offer but decline to do it.
 
I would explain why I felt the way and hope that he would not be offended.
 
"Naturally she's the most important person in your life"
 
And that's why I would make the choice.
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Rasputin
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Re: What would you do? 2014/10/17 21:42:27 (permalink)
Mick of Gateshead
Tell him you would be honoured to be the godfather and tell your wife to grow up and stop being a ****ing cntu!!! Does anyone really take being godfather seriously now days, im godfather to my niece and nephew and never gave it a second thought since saying yes.




 
I agree with Mick. 

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relax_ima_dr
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Re: What would you do? 2014/10/17 21:44:47 (permalink)
Well I've always been under the impression that if two people baptise (you are one) your partner/spouse are automatically the godmother irrelevant if there is a second God parent.

Anyway seems it's different for you so in this case Id approach my best mate and talk to him about my situation and how important it is to your women and how good you two will be as godparents to his kid together!

The kid will be better off with you and your women as godparents instead of having a single lady...

See what he says.
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BigWig
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Re: What would you do? 2014/10/17 23:12:01 (permalink)
Mick of Gateshead
Tell him you would be honoured to be the godfather and tell your wife to grow up. Does anyone really take being godfather seriously now days, im godfather to my niece and nephew and never gave it a second thought since saying yes.




This!
#13
Lay
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Re: What would you do? 2014/10/17 23:16:35 (permalink)
She should be happy that your best friend has asked you to be his child's godfather. This isn't about her, it's about celebrating the couple having a child. She needs to get over herself and see the bigger picture
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Re: What would you do? 2014/10/18 01:01:09 (permalink)
I turned down being my nephews godparent on religious grounds, i.e. i'm not religious that didn't mean I had no interest in my nephews wellbeing or upbringing.
PS your wife needs to grow up whats with all the dummy spitting?.... it ain't her kid it ain't her choice get over it, life's too short to fallout with people over godparent issues ffs 

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#15
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Re: What would you do? 2014/10/18 08:33:54 (permalink)
If I'm ever in a situation where one person tries to force me to choose then I ALWAYS choose the person who didn't try to force me to choose.
I do this because I believe that the person who tries to force me to choose is almost always in the wrong.
Once you do this a few times people tend not to try and force you to choose anymore.
I believe forcing someone to choose is an act driven by selfishness.
 
In this case I would go ahead and be godparent for your lifelong friend as he will ALWAYS be your friend regardless of what you decide and therefore he deserves your support more. If you girlfriend decides to sulk then she's clearly not got your best interests at heart and therefore doesn't deserve your support. There is no rational reason for choosing not to be godfather to your friends child, it would be an act of cowardice to do so.
 
All just my opinion of course.

 
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Welshy
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Re: What would you do? 2014/10/18 10:28:38 (permalink)
I'd be handing her a cup of STFU
 
She needs to grow up, seriously. I think it's very wrong of her to make you feel guilty over someone else's decision. I don't believe in godparents unless all parties are religious but that's another debate

And though she be but little, she is fierce..
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JimRat
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Re: What would you do? 2014/10/18 10:29:07 (permalink)
Ian4996
Tell him you would be honoured to be the godfather and tell your wife to grow up
 
x2
 
 




This. 
#18
dirtyvest
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Re: What would you do? 2014/10/18 11:02:34 (permalink)
Gotta agree with the above.
 
Maybe in the initial heat of the moment she's overreacted and will calm down and see sense. It could maybe be slightly understandable to a point if it was some 'nobody' that had been asked but it isn't. Her reaction is ridiculous and you should not be made to feel bad over accepting being a God parent yourself

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indie
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Re: What would you do? 2014/10/18 12:00:35 (permalink)
Yep tell your missus to grow up, If the mother of this baby wants her sister to be Godmother that makes sense. A godmother and godfather don't have to have to be in a relationship or married or even know each other.
#20
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