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Helpful ReplyWould you be happy, with a partner doing dancing classes with other men?

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dyslexic_banana
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2015/02/18 12:59:47 (permalink)
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Would you be happy, with a partner doing dancing classes with other men?

Recently, my girlfriend, having been persuaded to by her uncle who goes to the classes with his partner, has started doing 'ceroc', a type of partnered-dancing, perhaps with similarities between salsa and ballroom dancing. This is for three hours, once-a-week, and involves men dancing with women, swapping many times throughout the evening. It is not quite as intimate as salsa, but, from what I can tell, does have more 'intimate' moves, including one called the 'lean and seduce'.
 
We have been together for two years, and things are great between us, with us both being deeply in love. However, since she has recently started the classes, I have been unsettled by the idea, feeling temporarily mildly depressed, when she goes there. I trust her 100%, and know that she would never cheat, or see the dancing as being sexually-intimate at all; but I am still not happy with it. Some of the guys she dances with could view it on a more 'sexual' level, and somehow doing more intimate dance moves with someone other than your partner, just doesn't seem right, when in a relationship.
 
I hope I am not coming across as controlling, untrusting or jealous, as I am none of these things. She has male friends, and that's cool. She does many things on her own (as do I), and that's cool. She could go clubbing on her own, and I would still trust her 100%. I know nothing will come of her dancing, and I know it's nothing but an innocent, enjoyable hobby to her; but I am just not 100% happy with her doing intimate dance moves with so many other guys.
 
How would you all feel, if your girlfriend/boyfriend was dancing with other men and women, so regularly?
post edited by dyslexic_banana - 2015/02/18 13:01:07
#1
BROKEN
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Re: Would you be happy, with a partner doing dancing classes with other men? 2015/02/18 13:03:16 (permalink)
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I am the same as you in that I trust my wife 100% if not more, but I do feel I would get pangs of jealousy with her going. Although to be fair, in my case the chances would be that she would ask me to come along with her. If I chose not to go then more the fool me.
#2
SeanR
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Re: Would you be happy, with a partner doing dancing classes with other men? 2015/02/18 13:06:38 (permalink)
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Id be a bit concerned too, look what happened when Marge Simpson went bowling.
post edited by SeanR - 2015/02/18 13:13:35
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stinking_dylan
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Re: Would you be happy, with a partner doing dancing classes with other men? 2015/02/18 13:13:24 (permalink)
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Wouldn't bother me with my current partner.  Would have bothered me with my ex-wife, but she was an attention seeking flirt (and a tw@t).

Lifter, runner and founder of nuutrii, a free recipe analyses tool for athletes.
#4
dyslexic_banana
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Re: Would you be happy, with a partner doing dancing classes with other men? 2015/02/18 13:17:13 (permalink)
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Thanks for the replies (and 'lol' to Sean). My girlfriend actually HAS asked if I would like to come; which obviously furthermore illustrates that it's all 'above board'. The reason I don't, is simply that I hate dancing, and am literally DREADFUL at it. She would not find my accompanying her AT ALL sexy, this said. To be honest, it wouldn't make much difference if I did, in that it's not a lack of trust that is causing me to feel this way; I just don't know whether or not any of the guys she dances with are finding it at all 'pleasureable', and it just seems so intimate that I'm not totally at ease with it.
 
Any more replies will be much-welcomed.
#5
A.non1
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Re: Would you be happy, with a partner doing dancing classes with other men? 2015/02/18 13:22:23 (permalink)
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Perhaps if her dance group go out for drinks or something afterwards go along and meet the men she is dancing with, get a better idea of their intentions.
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robert123
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Re: Would you be happy, with a partner doing dancing classes with other men? 2015/02/18 13:25:23 (permalink)
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See how she finds it in a few months and if its really bothering you still, tell her but make a suggestion of doing something else.
 
"I just don't know whether or not any of the guys she dances with are finding it at all 'pleasureable'"
 
If i went to a dance class and there was a stunner there who i got to do 'lean and seduce' with i'd have a boner and be back every fking lesson.
 
#7
SeanR
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Re: Would you be happy, with a partner doing dancing classes with other men? 2015/02/18 13:53:08 (permalink)
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Hi pal, dont want to sound like a control freak, but you should have nipped it in the bud when she first told you, a polite "dont think so" what have done the job. If you start winging now your just gona look like a sulk. No way my misses doing a lambada with some strange fella, she knows better than to ask, but equally, so do i lol. Im only allowed go smelly gyms where fit ladies fear to tread. Maybe you could tell her your trying out something new whilst shes down there, syncronised swimming or summert lol
#8
Skrewdriver
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Re: Would you be happy, with a partner doing dancing classes with other men? 2015/02/18 14:21:19 (permalink)
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I did Ceroc for a number of years, still do on occasion, these days I do other partner dances (I also teach, DJ, compete both nationally and internationally, so I know the scene well).

First question - why don't you go with her?

Ceroc is not really an intimate dance, - so to be honest, I wouldn't worry. In all fairness, it's a bit of a crappy, messy dance, - it's a social bit of fun, - it's not sexual or sensual at all, and most of the blokes who do it aint nothing to look at, - most people are older.
 
I have a girlfriend, - she dances also, but when we go dancing, most of the night I will be dancing with other girls and her with other men, - it doesn't bother either of us at all as we both understand dancing is just that - dancing - we both have a great night and feel very secure. There really is nothing in it. Quite often I will go dancing without her and vice versa. When she goes out without me, my only concern is that she has a good night and gets to dance with some decent leads! :)
 
Also, when I compete, I never compete with my girlfriend.   A lot of people are the same...
 
 

I used to walk into a room full of people & wonder if they liked me..... Now I look around & wonder if I like them
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Dumbat
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Re: Would you be happy, with a partner doing dancing classes with other men? 2015/02/18 14:33:53 (permalink)
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I would be  happy with it mate, Its not like she is off dating other men is it?
Each partner having their own interests and pastimes is healthy for a relationship.
 
I believe this has just brought some underlying issues that you have to the surface and I would advise talking through your concerns either with your partner or maybe an independent party.
post edited by Dumbat - 2015/02/18 14:43:52

Ignorance: Reassuringly Expensive.






#10
Suspirio
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Re: Would you be happy, with a partner doing dancing classes with other men? 2015/02/18 14:40:04 (permalink)
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I have done some ceroc with the purpose of meeting women and it was great. Most of the men were gay and many of the women were gorgeous. I would not say that ceroc isn't intimate. I would often be required to hold my partner tightly against my body. Often she would be able to feel that I was in a state of arousal and eye contact would be made. Hope this helps.
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Skrewdriver
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Re: Would you be happy, with a partner doing dancing classes with other men? 2015/02/18 14:43:26 (permalink)
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LOL 
 
 

I used to walk into a room full of people & wonder if they liked me..... Now I look around & wonder if I like them
#12
iaink
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Re: Would you be happy, with a partner doing dancing classes with other men? 2015/02/18 14:52:37 (permalink)
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Lol
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robert123
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Re: Would you be happy, with a partner doing dancing classes with other men? 2015/02/18 14:57:19 (permalink)
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LMAO - this thread took a quick turn there
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lancs_lad
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Re: Would you be happy, with a partner doing dancing classes with other men? 2015/02/18 15:59:10 (permalink)
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Dont worry.  I would sit at home in the safe knowledge that alpha males dont go dancing!
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lancs_lad
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Re: Would you be happy, with a partner doing dancing classes with other men? 2015/02/18 15:59:14 (permalink)
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Dont worry.  I would sit at home in the safe knowledge that alpha males dont go dancing!
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SeanR
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Re: Would you be happy, with a partner doing dancing classes with other men? 2015/02/18 16:20:14 (permalink)
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Hows about this for a couple of cunning plans.
 
Plan A. You said your not a good dancer, so go with her and make the most of it, eventually she will loose interest.
 
Plan B. Dont let her know your bothered, tell her that when she goes dancing, your going on a cards/movie night with the guys from work, Ste, Tony, Trixie , Star and Lola
 
Only joking pal, you worry too much :)
post edited by SeanR - 2015/02/18 16:24:25
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dyslexic_banana
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Re: Would you be happy, with a partner doing dancing classes with other men? 2015/02/18 16:50:52 (permalink)
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Suspirio
I have done some ceroc with the purpose of meeting women and it was great. Most of the men were gay and many of the women were gorgeous. I would not say that ceroc isn't intimate. I would often be required to hold my partner tightly against my body. Often she would be able to feel that I was in a state of arousal and eye contact would be made. Hope this helps.



I've read all the responses, but am only this time replying to this one, as I am in work and shouldn't be posting at all (will respond to the others in a bit), but just one thing: are you exaggerating, here? The post from 'Skrewdriver' made me feel better, but if what you're saying about the "hold my partner tightly against my body" is true, I'm struggling to see how ceroc isn't an intimate dance, too...................
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WayoftheDave
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Re: Would you be happy, with a partner doing dancing classes with other men? 2015/02/18 17:05:59 (permalink)
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"I hope I am not coming across as controlling, untrusting or jealous, as I am none of these things."
 
Well you've got to be at least 2 of those things to make this thread in the first place (even if it's to a small degree)... You can't say you trust somebody 100%, then say you're troubled when your partner does something to actually put your trust in her to the test.
 
You're probably letting fear get the best of you. If you're truly secure in your relationship, you shouldn't have much problem pushing those doubting feelings to the wayside. If you trust her "100%".. what exactly is it you're afraid might happen?
#19
dyslexic_banana
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Re: Would you be happy, with a partner doing dancing classes with other men? 2015/02/18 17:10:05 (permalink)
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WayoftheDave
"I hope I am not coming across as controlling, untrusting or jealous, as I am none of these things."
 
Well you've got to be at least 2 of those things to make this thread in the first place (even if it's to a small degree)... You can't say you trust somebody 100%, then say you're troubled when your partner does something to actually put your trust in her to the test.
 
You're probably letting fear get the best of you. If you're truly secure in your relationship, you shouldn't have much problem pushing those doubting feelings to the wayside. If you trust her "100%".. what exactly is it you're afraid might happen?



It's one thing to trust HER, but there are however many guys in the equation, too. She might not see it as 'intimate' or 'sexy', but do they? I mean, put it this way: would you want your girlfriend to be hit on, by another guy? Yeah, you might trust her not to reciprocate, but surely you wouldn't like the thought of that, even so? I know that's an extreme example, but it's the same principle.
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