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advice required for personnal life

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turbo21
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2009/07/21 22:19:39 (permalink)

advice required for personnal life

guys i need help with a personnal matter,
 
i recently split with my girl friend due to work issues, bascily i took an under hand promotion i moved into my old supervisors job and he got down graded into mine, now i kept this bottled up and didnt tell my partner what was going on as it was all based on a maybe so as i was unsure if it was going to happen i kept it to my self as if it didnt happen i didnt want to let her down, as this promotion ment we could of looked for a place of our own etc
 
now this went on for a few weeks i was quiet and we grew apart i guess and we split, now a few weeks past and i settled into my new job i started going out now i have slept with someone else since the split but i now know i want my x back i have been honest and told her what happened and that i have slept with someone else, i have laid my cards on the table and told her she means more then the world to me and we have started meeting up again and im seeing her this week again for dinner, thing is im beeing kept at arms length she wont tell me how she feels if she can see us getting back together etc, but she wont tell me that she doesnt love me anymore this is really screwing me up and to top it off i have lost 7lbs in 3 weeks my eating is not happening
 
i feel constantly empty my head tells me one thing but my heart another,
 
guys any adivce would be so gratefuly recieved
 
ps can wait to cycle again september



YOU WONT GET BIG ON 2 JABS A WEEK ABUSE THE SYSTEM LOL
#1

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    JK2
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    Re:advice required for personnal life 2009/07/21 22:23:17 (permalink)
    Have you tried poetry?

    #2
    ginasmg
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    Re:advice required for personnal life 2009/07/21 22:25:18 (permalink)
    bottom line, if she is meeting with you again as you say,imo she is still interested.explain to her why you took promotion and why you went quiet.,(but dont let on you slept with another girl or your knackerd).

    Those who cannot fly seek to clip the wings of others.
    #3
    freak_in_cage
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    Re:advice required for personnal life 2009/07/21 22:26:07 (permalink)
    guess its her call- you will just have to wait and see

    i you split with her and slept with someone else you cant have been *that* into her
    #4
    cu3ed
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    Re:advice required for personnal life 2009/07/21 22:29:58 (permalink)
    Give it till after the dinner, if theirs still no sign of her considering getting back together with you move on, you're only stringing things out.
    #5
    footdee
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    Re:advice required for personnal life 2009/07/21 22:35:27 (permalink)
    You had split up but still slept with someone else and that will be playing on her mind, that is why she is keeping you at arms length. Even though you were split up at the time and free to do as you please, she will still be hurt and think of you differently for a long time. She probably does still love you, she's just protecting herself. If she lets you back in her life she will have to deal properly with the thought of you being with someone else and that will hurt her. Be patient and she will probably come round. If she's meeting with you that is a good start. And don't keep things from her in future, if she is with you she is interested in your life and wants to support you! Through good thing and bad things! Good luck!
    #6
    ginasmg
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    Re:advice required for personnal life 2009/07/21 22:38:48 (permalink)
    **** mate i read that wrong,you have already told her you slept with someone else. move on your already knackerd.

    Those who cannot fly seek to clip the wings of others.
    #7
    Fat Pete
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    Re:advice required for personnal life 2009/07/21 22:50:10 (permalink)
    In matters like this you should never tell the truth. You should only ever tell them what they want to hear. You should NEVER have told her you slept with that other woman.

    In general honesty is the best policy but in affairs of the heart it never is. Women never tell the truth, they tell what they think the bloke can handle, they say what will ease them out of whatever situation they are in. Sometimes this is the truth, sometimes it isn't. As a consequence I cannot recall a single woman coming on here with a thread like this, while I have lost count of the blokes.

    Learn from this. Keep it zipped, say only sensible things, some will be true, some will not. But say what makes it easiest

    As far as I know, forgiveness is for the benefit of the person doing the forgiving, not the one being forgiven
    #8
    badladmark
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    Re:advice required for personnal life 2009/07/21 22:59:57 (permalink)
    Be persistent, but not over the top or in her face, or you'll just come across like a complete psycho and she'll get rid.

    She'll be hurting that you slept with someone else, and confused about what was going on for you all through that time. I would hazard a guess that at the top of her mind will be concerns about whether she can trust you, and particularly if you're likely to drop her in it in times of stress. I suggest you mention that you think these are the things going on for her, and then leave it at that. Don't try and persuade her you can be trusted- that has to build with time. Understand her hurt and let her deal with it in her own sweet way and in her own time.

    #9
    turbo21
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    Re:advice required for personnal life 2009/07/21 23:09:28 (permalink)
    she asked me to be honest with her, she already new that i had slept with someone as a little gossip told her so she tested me to see if i would tell the truth i guess,

    i plan to give her space and im not making contact until i see her this weekend, so guess il just have to see how it goes



    YOU WONT GET BIG ON 2 JABS A WEEK ABUSE THE SYSTEM LOL
    #10
    gingernut
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    Re:advice required for personnal life 2009/07/21 23:53:00 (permalink)
    Cheek Mr Pete!

    I'm afraid I wouldn't want to put details of my relationship onto a website, partly because I'm not sure the other party would like our personal lives floating around.

    Regards the sleeping around, what I have noticed is a lot of threads from guys (who do make up the bulk of MT membership anyway) saying when their ex girlfriend has slept with someone after splitting up they've decided they won't be taking her back, and that has been supported as the general opinion on here.

    ps I'll ask my last significant other if he wouldn't mind me posting some threads on here about our relationship. I'll let you know the response.


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    #11
    Fat Pete
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    Re:advice required for personnal life 2009/07/22 07:31:57 (permalink)
    gingernut
    Cheek Mr Pete! 

     
    Cheek indeed. But not wrong.
     
    I applaud the fact that women have far more sense than men in this. Sometimes a lie is best all round. Like if the six year old lass from down the road ever asks me if father Christmas exists. Do I tell her the truth, upset her, and her parents and bring grief upon myself.
     
    Of course not
     
    I smile sweetly and assure her that he does, result she's happy, I'm happy, everyone's happy. Even father christmas would be happy.  Doing what is right is occasionally the opposite of doing what is best.
     
    When you come to a fork in the road and one is the happy, smiley route and the other is the weeping, wailing, gnashing of teeth route, you don't need a map for that one do you ?

    post edited by Fat Pete - 2009/07/22 07:33:23

    As far as I know, forgiveness is for the benefit of the person doing the forgiving, not the one being forgiven
    #12
    Reborn
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    Re:advice required for personnal life 2009/07/22 08:11:59 (permalink)
    Dont tell her man.

    My username has nothing to do with my religious beliefs.....
    #13
    EzzieMoo
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    Re:advice required for personnal life 2009/07/22 08:24:39 (permalink)
    How long were you together before you split up?

    Well done for passing the honesty test -  there's plenty of blokes that would deny deny deny knowing full well they're already busted.

    I'd say she wants you to make the effort and to prove that you're serious. Giving her space is a good idea but I wouldn't go as far as leaving it until the wknd to make contact.....maybe send her a text tmrw saying you hope you're still on for dinner and ask if she has any preference for where you go (or you could suggest somewhere posh)? that's testing the water, showing you're keen but not too keen and also being thoughtful
    oh, and even if you think dinner goes really well and you get a bit snuggly afterwards ABSOLUTELY DO NOT ATTEMPT TO SLEEP WITH HER (unless of course you've aready done that 'whilst being kept at arm's length'). Doing so will undermine any attempt you've made to build bridges - you need to wait for her to come to you.

    27, 5'6", 62kg 
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    #14
    PartyBoy
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    Re:advice required for personnal life 2009/07/22 08:48:52 (permalink)
    I guess the main thing everyone wants to know is, Are you going halfs paying for dinner?

     
    #15
    hamiltonsfitness
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    Re:advice required for personnal life 2009/07/22 08:57:43 (permalink)
    Give up on her. Unless she is constantly phoning you up then you're wasting your time.

    Get back down the gym and move on.
    #16
    Yohimbe
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    Re:advice required for personnal life 2009/07/22 09:07:46 (permalink)
    Love doesn't last.  just go on to your next one..  have a kid..  then your next one, have another kid..  and then die alone in a ****-infested mess apparently of your own creation.  That's what I plan to do.
    #17
    turbo21
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    Re:advice required for personnal life 2009/07/22 17:08:44 (permalink)
    we were together 3 yrs,and the furthest we have done is cuddled, sleeping together is way off the radar,
     
    thing is i was only considering her feelings fact that i slept with someone else is minor as men can have thoughtless sex
     
    dont you think?



    YOU WONT GET BIG ON 2 JABS A WEEK ABUSE THE SYSTEM LOL
    #18
    dempsey
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    Re:advice required for personnal life 2009/07/22 18:00:54 (permalink)
    So a 3 year relationship ended because you were a bit quieter for a couple of weeks.........doesn't sound like the relationship was particularly strong.
    post edited by dempsey - 2009/07/22 18:02:04
    #19
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