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am i being fair? - contributing to g/f house

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Big D
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2011/04/05 09:27:55 (permalink)
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am i being fair? - contributing to g/f house

as my girlfriend has her own house and mortgage rather thasn me keep renting or look to buy together we decided i would move into her house towards the end of last year.
 
i pay half the bills and half the mortgage and pay for 95% of meals/nights out and most of the food shopping.my name is not on the mortgage and we are planning to buy together at some point next year.
 
now to seel it needs work doing to it, general decorating stuff, now i have said i dont think i should have to contribute to this as i pay half the mortgage and that money should be used and i never get any return on my investment should i pay for the work to be done, when it's sold it's hers.
 
my g/f earns about 15% more from her salary than me, because my salary is part time as i'm also self employed and own half a company so financially i am better off than her but iw rok a lot more hours for it, also i still have a few debts to clear off from uni days as well as my own investments for my/our future.
 
speaking to friends it seems that most of them dont even get half the mortgage paid by their partners if they owned the house before meeting them, some get a contribution and half the bills others just half the bills.
 
i'm not sure whether i am being fair or not and whether i should just help pay for the work to be done too?
 
anyone else been in this position?
#1

44 Replies Related Threads

    Papa Lazarou
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    Re:am i being fair? - contributing to g/f house 2011/04/05 09:35:02 (permalink)
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    I don't own but rent.  I pay the rent and most of the bills.  She pays for food and other odds and sods.  I prolly pay £300-400 more than is spent on me on food and the said odds and sods.  I shrug it off.  No point worrying about it IMO.
    #2
    _GM_
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    Re:am i being fair? - contributing to g/f house 2011/04/05 09:53:15 (permalink)
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    IMO she has won a watch mate!
    #3
    GavTheOne
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    Re:am i being fair? - contributing to g/f house 2011/04/05 10:04:00 (permalink)
    +2 (1)
    maybe a token gesture towards it but it is her house and if it goes pear shaped ur the one losing out.
    #4
    tac
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    Re:am i being fair? - contributing to g/f house 2011/04/05 10:11:44 (permalink)
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    _GM_

    IMO she has won a watch mate!

      ^^^yeah, that
     
    and why do you pay 95% of the food etc?
     
    I disagree with Papa - unless there's a huge difference in income then it absolutely is worth worrying about if one pays more than the other. It says an awful lot about where the balance of power is in a relationship, and this will affect other areas too. It gives completely the wrong message to the partner thats paying less. A partnership, whether in business or romance SHOULD mean equality - when it doesnt then you're just setting yourself up for future trouble.
     
    Also when/if things go wrong it absolutely will become an issue - its one thing to be cool about your beloved not paying her share, but when she turns into your ex and you're the one who's broke because you paid for everything its likely to turn into a resentment.


    #5
    Tony Barnes
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    Re:am i being fair? - contributing to g/f house 2011/04/05 10:14:30 (permalink)
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    What's that cost of the decorating?
     
    With regards to you putting money into the mortgage, erm, when she sells, you should be getting equity back mate... Paying someone elses mortgage without having any sort of binding contract is dodgy - not the most romantic of things to do, but to be frank, relationships fail, and everyone should be happy that everyone is treated fairly should that happen. In effect, you're just paying off her interest, and putting cash in her pocket. 
     
    I believe there is legislation when it comes to this as well, but you're best having a formal arrangement.
     
    Papa - been there, all I can say, is thank god Jess earns more nowadays!! I racked up a fair amount of debt paying for both of us when she earned feck all. Funnily that is a hole I'm still digging myself out of, but I offered at the time, so wouldn't expect her to pay back
    #6
    Red Bull
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    Re:am i being fair? - contributing to g/f house 2011/04/05 10:36:12 (permalink)
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    Tony Barnes

    What's that cost of the decorating?

    With regards to you putting money into the mortgage, erm, when she sells, you should be getting equity back mate...


    And if it loses value between now and then will he stump up half of the shortfall too. Just playing devils advcoate :-)

    Festar: You can't plead poverty with 2 cars. That's like a little Kenyan chap pleading poverty with 2 packets of uncle bens rice hidden under his bed.
    #7
    Tony Barnes
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    Re:am i being fair? - contributing to g/f house 2011/04/05 10:50:38 (permalink)
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    In theory, yes
    #8
    Red Bull
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    Re:am i being fair? - contributing to g/f house 2011/04/05 10:52:56 (permalink)
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    It doesn't sound quite as appealing then though, does it. Especially with house prices the way they are

    Festar: You can't plead poverty with 2 cars. That's like a little Kenyan chap pleading poverty with 2 packets of uncle bens rice hidden under his bed.
    #9
    makaveli1971 1996
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    Re:am i being fair? - contributing to g/f house 2011/04/05 11:26:32 (permalink)
    +4 (4)
    No surprise here,she's doing as women do and taking the piss.

    If you love something let it go,if it comes back to you it's yours,if it doesn't it never was.
    #10
    Big D
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    Re:am i being fair? - contributing to g/f house 2011/04/05 12:37:38 (permalink)
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    Thanks for the input, in truth i'm not usually one to be bothered when it comes to money, i work hard mainly because i enjoy what i do and at the end of each month i earn a fair bit more than her.
     
    However with the house i see it as her responsibility and i am conscious of her taking the piss, though the fact i'm even thinking that is quite worrying!
     
    Though the way i've seen it has been i would be paying rent elsewhere so its better she has it, that was the basis of me moving in and paying money, i offered half of the mortgage.
     
    GM/tac - what does that phrase mean!?
    #11
    tac
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    Re:am i being fair? - contributing to g/f house 2011/04/05 12:59:52 (permalink)
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    IMO = in my opinion


    #12
    Big D
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    Re:am i being fair? - contributing to g/f house 2011/04/05 13:19:12 (permalink)
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    LOL i meant the watch comment!?
    #13
    Chamber
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    Re:am i being fair? - contributing to g/f house 2011/04/05 13:26:20 (permalink)
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    I moved in with my missus bout two years ago. I pay her rent and we split the bills down the middle 50/50.
     
    If we buy bits and bobs for the house we split it, if we do something up, she pays for it. Recently we re-did the garden, fencing and decking, etc. She paid for it, as it boosts the value of the house. Which she gets.
     
    Though I actually carried out the work in the garden, so saved her money on labour...
    #14
    RichG123
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    Re:am i being fair? - contributing to g/f house 2011/04/05 13:58:25 (permalink)
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    When i got a house me and the fiance split the deposit 50/50 but now i pay all the mortgage payments and the house is in my name but as far as im concerned the house is 50/50 although ive payed an extra like £6k so far
    #15
    Papa Lazarou
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    Re:am i being fair? - contributing to g/f house 2011/04/05 14:11:06 (permalink)
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    tac
     I disagree with Papa - unless there's a huge difference in income then it absolutely is worth worrying about if one pays more than the other. It says an awful lot about where the balance of power is in a relationship, and this will affect other areas too. It gives completely the wrong message to the partner thats paying less. A partnership, whether in business or romance SHOULD mean equality - when it doesnt then you're just setting yourself up for future trouble.

     
    I earn £600 more than her a month after tax - i'm stable now thanks to shedding the debt  I once accrued thanks to a spend thrift ex leaving it all in my name thro insolvency.  I've now always got money saved in my account and i'm stable in all senses - I could easily live alone if I wanted and if all hell broke loose and we split i'd actually be better off even more so (if I was renting a room for example).  TBH its just accepted that I pay more and given up thinking after a while someone really cares you pay more, they just accept it.
    #16
    dazc
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    Re:am i being fair? - contributing to g/f house 2011/04/05 16:36:39 (permalink)
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    id say that your more than paying enough mate.  your paying half the mortgage and bills, which is pretty fair IMO.
     
    i dont see why you should have anything to do with paying for house repairs though to be honest.  if you were renting you wouldnt, which in effect is what your doing, unless you put together some kind of contract about the value of the house, the contributions made and any equity that it accrues over the years, in which case it would be right to also share the maintenance.
    #17
    Red Bull
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    Re:am i being fair? - contributing to g/f house 2011/04/05 17:17:46 (permalink)
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    The sign of true love, when contracts are drawn up!

    Festar: You can't plead poverty with 2 cars. That's like a little Kenyan chap pleading poverty with 2 packets of uncle bens rice hidden under his bed.
    #18
    chrissy_boy
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    Re:am i being fair? - contributing to g/f house 2011/04/05 17:22:06 (permalink)
    +2 (1)
    This may sound cynical but if and when it goes tits up you will recieve eff all.99% of women are heartless in break up sitautions
     
    End well this will not
    #19
    Red Bull
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    Re:am i being fair? - contributing to g/f house 2011/04/05 17:23:36 (permalink)
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    Hitmen aren't that much to be fair Chris should he feel entitled to anything

    Festar: You can't plead poverty with 2 cars. That's like a little Kenyan chap pleading poverty with 2 packets of uncle bens rice hidden under his bed.
    #20
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