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dispute with parents over money

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rockstar6181
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2011/03/27 16:17:32 (permalink)
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dispute with parents over money

 
My parents gave me some money for a deposit for a house and it’s currently in the bank. Problem is due to the job market I don’t feel comfortable buying something as the only areas I can afford to buy in are areas where there isn’t much work. If I lost my job at the moment I would have to leave the city/town I am in to look for work as all jobs around here are Tesco, bar work etc.
 
I have explained to my parents I am happy renting (I rent a house with my gf of 7 years) - we are looking to move south in there next few years for more job opportunities. Buying a house is a) not possible b) not what I want.
 
Now the money my parents gave me could be used for other stuff to move my life forwards - I would like to get married and we have some separate savings saved up but are a couple 1000 short so I could dip into the money my parents gave me for this. Also I desperately need a new car (approx. 5k) and I have a few joint injuries which more than likely require surgery which I would get sorted as a self-pay patient (approx. 10k). I would still have some cash left over which I would keep in savings. If my parents weren’t around I would do these things tomorrow.
I have said to them that I would like to do this with the money and they get all angry. I can’t spend it and tell them i haven’t as it’s in premium bonds and they check the numbers online each month to see if I have won.
 
I am in a real pickle over this as my life is static and saving a couple 100 a month with currently job feels so demoralizing when you need around 15k
#1

54 Replies Related Threads

    Fat Pete
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    Re:dispute with parents over money 2011/03/27 16:23:32 (permalink)
    +4 (2)
    If the loan was conditional, and it sounds as though it was. then you agreed to use it for one thing only. It would therefore be quite wrong to use it for something else. If your parents object, as they seem to, you must comply with the original terms. 

    As far as I know, forgiveness is for the benefit of the person doing the forgiving, not the one being forgiven
    #2
    swordfish
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    Re:dispute with parents over money 2011/03/27 16:27:20 (permalink)
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    be thankfull that your parents have given you anything!
    why not buy a house and sell it when you move?
    #3
    rockstar6181
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    Re:dispute with parents over money 2011/03/27 16:27:54 (permalink)
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    It wasnt a loan as such - they gave it to me and said its to help you get on the property ladder - it was said verbally.
    I see your point though and deep down I know your right.
    thanks for the reply.
    #4
    rockstar6181
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    Re:dispute with parents over money 2011/03/27 16:29:48 (permalink)
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    swordfish

    be thankfull that your parents have given you anything!
    why not buy a house and sell it when you move?


    the kind of house i could get would be so hard to sell in the current market - there are currently so many house's up for sale at ther moment as nobody can afford to buy (at the entry level) and with IR rates, inflation etc I think the days of buying a house then selling it when you move are although not impossible but extemely hard and a ball ache compard to 10 yrs ago.
    #5
    Pastafarian
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    Re:dispute with parents over money 2011/03/27 16:31:47 (permalink)
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    They gave it you to better your life and get a great start in a house deposit,Spending it on Cars etc is bound to wind them up.
     
    Dont be daft and dip into for any other reason a house is a life long thing,weddings,ops etc are all great but you have other options for that ,dont spoil a very privileged thing and also risk ruining your relationship with them,in the big picture you can go to treatment centres to get ops in no time on the NHS but done private see your GP,wedding well that will soon inflate itself what ever money you have,cars if you have one junk or not your lucky.dont get lost in the temptation of using a long term fund to cover some short terms needs curb temptation mate.
     
    A nest egg is just that take an egg out one by one and all your left with is a one last sh1tty cracked egg,it will soon go and youl regret it forever ive got a good few mates who were so lucky and everyone dipped it ruined it had jack all to show in 5 years

    Everyone has been in shape,but not everyone is IN shape,its about where your going not where you have been.
    #6
    Danny187
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    Re:dispute with parents over money 2011/03/27 16:38:11 (permalink)
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    IMO
     
    Talk to them about it, who says it is wise to buy a property in this **** pit of a country anyway.
     
    It has only just started and I imagine prices will go down and rates will go up, so speak logically to your parents regarding the money, afterall you are an adult !!!
     
    I would wait until you are ready and everything is stabilised in this country first
     
    My pal paid £220000 for a flat under pressure like get on the ladder best thing ever etc, now valued at £155000, he is seeing bankruptcy people 2moro
     
    Thats just my opinion on the matter, be careful and just speak to folks about it
    #7
    Boss Redd
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    Re:dispute with parents over money 2011/03/27 16:46:54 (permalink)
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    if your not going to buy a house with it now, then dont buy anything with it, just act like it isnt there and carry on with life untill the market improves

    I do a lot of push ups and sit ups. And I drink plenty of milk.

    #8
    MT2006
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    Re:dispute with parents over money 2011/03/27 16:48:42 (permalink)
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    It sounds like they gave you the money because they know how hard it is to get together a deposit for a first time buyer, not for you to spend it on other things. Unless I have read it wrong, you want to spend ~£15k and you'll still have some left over to keep saved - they therefore must have given you a lot of money!? Be thankful they gave you anything, try saving up a deposit without your parents help!
     
    In summary, its their money and therefore you play be their rules.  
    #9
    MT2006
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    Re:dispute with parents over money 2011/03/27 16:51:58 (permalink)
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    Danny187

    IMO

    Talk to them about it, who says it is wise to buy a property in this **** pit of a country anyway.

    It has only just started and I imagine prices will go down and rates will go up, so speak logically to your parents regarding the money, afterall you are an adult !!!

    I would wait until you are ready and everything is stabilised in this country first

    My pal paid £220000 for a flat under pressure like get on the ladder best thing ever etc, now valued at £155000, he is seeing bankruptcy people 2moro

    Thats just my opinion on the matter, be careful and just speak to folks about it


    Surely him going bankcrupt is due to him not being able to keep up with mortgage payments, not the decrease in property value?
    #10
    CitizenKane
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    Re:dispute with parents over money 2011/03/27 16:53:44 (permalink)
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    Speaking from a strictly legal perspective...If they lent you the money for a specific purpose, they have an equitable right to see that purpose fulfilled, otherwise you will be deemed to hold that money 'on resulting trust' for your parents (Barclays Bank v Quitstclose Investments Ltd), ie. the money is theirs and will revert back to them should the purpose of the loan fail. Although it helps your cause that they didn't instruct you to put the money into a specific bank account and it is resting in your own general account (Neste Oye Ltd. v Lloyd's Bank) the fact that they wanted you to use the money for the purpose of buying a house and that alone can be implied from their words (Re McKeowen), ie. "to help you get on the property ladder" would probably suffice.
     
    So if the dispute ever did heat up to the point of them wanting their money back, they would most likely succeed. I'm sure you have no intention of ever letting it get that far though.
    post edited by CitizenKane - 2011/03/27 17:00:34

    "Be adequate"
     
    #11
    Bookerman
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    Re:dispute with parents over money 2011/03/27 16:56:53 (permalink)
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    If you're going to rent then I would expect the money to not be touched or returned. If you spend it without buying a house then you're living beyond your means.

    "People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." -   George Orwell
    #12
    ALHADO
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    Re:dispute with parents over money 2011/03/27 17:23:29 (permalink)
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    Why do you need to spend 5k on a car? you dont at all.
     
    Dont be stupid , keep it for a house as it was intended.
    #13
    tac
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    Re:dispute with parents over money 2011/03/27 17:43:07 (permalink)
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    Someone has given you, what £15-20k, and you're grumbling you cant just do what you like with it?
     
    You cant get a car for less than £5k? Some of us have to actually work for the money we have, and drive whatever we can afford.
     
    You're very, very lucky to have people in your life that can just give you that kind of money. Sorry to be blunt, but dont expect much sympathy from the rest of us that havent...


    #14
    peagreen
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    Re:dispute with parents over money 2011/03/27 17:43:11 (permalink)
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    Once you start dipping into you'll keep dipping into it, a grand here, a grand there, until you have nothing and eventually no deposit for a house.

    “Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.”
    ― Chris Rock
     
    13.3kg increase in 5 months.....

    #15
    peagreen
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    Re:dispute with parents over money 2011/03/27 17:44:12 (permalink)
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    Oh no IB is reading this - give him hell fire IB

    “Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.”
    ― Chris Rock
     
    13.3kg increase in 5 months.....

    #16
    Furious D
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    Re:dispute with parents over money 2011/03/27 17:46:01 (permalink)
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    Cheshire Cat

    Danny187

    IMO

    Talk to them about it, who says it is wise to buy a property in this **** pit of a country anyway.

    It has only just started and I imagine prices will go down and rates will go up, so speak logically to your parents regarding the money, afterall you are an adult !!!

    I would wait until you are ready and everything is stabilised in this country first

    My pal paid £220000 for a flat under pressure like get on the ladder best thing ever etc, now valued at £155000, he is seeing bankruptcy people 2moro

    Thats just my opinion on the matter, be careful and just speak to folks about it


    Surely him going bankcrupt is due to him not being able to keep up with mortgage payments, not the decrease in property value?

     
    Probably not... I guess he is in negative equity which probably means he is paying a high interest rate on his mortgage and cannot remortgage onto a good deal. So the value of the property has caused his mortgage to be come unaffordable.
     
    Also, if the flat was still worth more than his mortgage then he could just sell it to avoid bankruptcy.
    #17
    Danny187
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    Re:dispute with parents over money 2011/03/27 17:49:14 (permalink)
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    ^^^
     
    Yes and having a **** of an ex bird LOL
     
    Even if I won lotto I wouldnt buy in this country at all
    #18
    Red_Alert
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    Re:dispute with parents over money 2011/03/27 18:23:10 (permalink)
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    If they lent/gave you money for a house, use it for a house.
     
    Every £ you spend on luxuries for yourself (£5k car?!), is money you've pilfered from their retirement fund, that they equally could be spending on such things.
     
    Is my thoughts, but I dont know the full situation obv.

    "I believe in taking care of myself" - Patrick Bateman
      
    #19
    rockstar6181
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    Re:dispute with parents over money 2011/03/27 18:25:48 (permalink)
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    thanks for everyones feedback - i guess i asked the question to get other peoples views. I think the view that i should just use it for a house is fair and will keep it in bank/bonds till such a day comes.
    #20
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