Night of March 31st and blind little Timmy is getting ready to go to bed.
His Mum says to him, "If you say your prayers tonight, God might cure your blindness so you can see."
So Timmy prays and prays like he's never prayed before, he really means every word.
Next morning Timmy wakes up "Mum, Mum" he cries. "I prayed so hard last night and I'm still blind!"
His Mum comes into the room, pats him on the head and says
(I got this as a text)
You and I are friends
You cry, I cry
You fight, I fight
You hurt, I hurt
You jump off a bridge, I'll ****ing miss you.
(I got this as a text message about the flooding in the Uk)
Due to further flood warnings, the government has decided to evacuate all good looking and intelligent people to higher ground. Just texing you to say bye and hope you can swim.