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funny : actual gcse metaphors

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Steff
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2005/07/26 02:37:41 (permalink)

funny : actual gcse metaphors

Actual metaphors from GCSE essays
>
>
>Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other
>sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
>
>His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
>underpants in a tumble dryer.
>
>She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used
>to dangle from doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door
>open again.
>
>The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
>bowling ball wouldn't.
>
>McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag
>filled with vegetable soup.
>
>Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
>
>Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the
>centre. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
>
>He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
>
>The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you
>fry them in hot grease.
>
>Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across
>the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one
>having left York at 6:36 p.m. travelling at 55 mph, the other from
>Peterborough at 4:19p.m at a speed of 35 mph.
>
>The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the
>Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
>
>John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had
>also never met.
>
>The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin
>sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a
>play.
>
>The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red crayon.
>
>Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only
>one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.
>
>The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the
>interview portion of Family Fortunes.
>
>Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
>
>The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this
>plan just might work.
>
>The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
>eating for a while.
>
>Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a student
>on 31p-a-pint night.
>
>He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but
>a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land
>mine or something.
>
>Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can
>tell butter from "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."
>
>She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes
>just before it throws up.
>
>It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had
>ever seen before.
>
>The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Glenda Jackson MP in her
>first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Robin Cook
>MP, Leader of the House of Commons, in the House Judiciary Committee
>hearings on the suspension of Keith Vaz MP.
>
>The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg
>behind her, like a dog at a lamppost.
>
>The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
>because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a
>surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free cash point.
>
>The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating
>electric fan set on medium.
>
>It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
>with their power tools.
>
>He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as
>if she were a dustcart reversing.
>
>She was as easy as the Daily Star crossword.
>
>She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was
>room-temperature British beef.
>
>She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
>
>Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation
>thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.
>
>It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it
>to the wall

if you're going through hell. keep going.
#1

15 Replies Related Threads

    USA DEALS
    soapdodger
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    RE: funny : actual gcse metaphors 2005/07/26 02:58:05 (permalink)
    1. no way, are you serious?

    2. are you telling me with a body like yours youre still doing gcse's?

    soap
    #2
    Yib
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    RE: funny : actual gcse metaphors 2005/07/26 03:13:26 (permalink)
    >It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had
    >ever seen before.

    >The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
    >eating for a while.


    LOL at those two...others were good as well


     
    "I don't like misplaced apostrophes"
    #3
    soapdodger
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    RE: funny : actual gcse metaphors 2005/07/26 03:37:28 (permalink)
    in an exam once i described how performance related pay filled employees with 'impetus and jism'. now i dont even know if 'impetus' is a real word, but jism is, and as far as im aware, has only one meaning.

    i walked out after an hour. went to the gym (in the same building) and got 58%, which was tenth top mark in the year.

    i had been to five lectures in that subject all year, and slept through three of them.

    so, YIB, yes, come to england and get a degree just by taking the piss in exams.

    soap
    #4
    ToxicToffee
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    RE: funny : actual gcse metaphors 2005/07/26 08:32:17 (permalink)

    ORIGINAL: Steff

    >Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a student
    >on 31p-a-pint night.

    >


    sure this wasnt from kittys job application to become a mod?
    #5
    cliffy
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    RE: funny : actual gcse metaphors 2005/07/26 10:06:08 (permalink)
    The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
    >bowling ball wouldn't.

    love it
    #6
    Play
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    RE: funny : actual gcse metaphors 2005/07/26 10:11:39 (permalink)
    Would of been better if they were all from one essay
    #7
    Steff
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    RE: funny : actual gcse metaphors 2005/07/26 12:30:15 (permalink)
    lol, theyr not my quotes i got sent them on an email. and no im not doing gcses, that was last year, im 18 in a few months, im an old man....


    ORIGINAL: soapdodger

    1. no way, are you serious?

    2. are you telling me with a body like yours youre still doing gcse's?

    soap


    if you're going through hell. keep going.
    #8
    CheekyChappie
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    RE: funny : actual gcse metaphors 2005/07/26 12:42:17 (permalink)
    I doubt they are from GCSE papers either!
    #9
    Asian babe
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    RE: funny : actual gcse metaphors 2005/07/26 13:52:37 (permalink)
    And if they are from gcse papers..................theres an awful lot of people who need help with their english!!!!
    #10
    masryinlondon
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    RE: funny : actual gcse metaphors 2005/07/26 14:36:52 (permalink)
    ORIGINAL: Asian babe

    And if they are from gcse papers..................theres an awful lot of people who need help with their english!!!!


    Well apparently - according to an article I read a while ago - university students reading English will not be penalised for bad spelling! What has the world come to eh?
    #11
    chickensticks
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    RE: funny : actual gcse metaphors 2005/07/26 15:39:31 (permalink)
    >Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

    right.

    sub_z3ro
    #12
    kinglean
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    RE: funny : actual gcse metaphors 2005/07/26 15:45:56 (permalink)
    ORIGINAL: Steff

    lol, theyr not my quotes i got sent them on an email. and no im not doing gcses, that was last year, im 18 in a few months, im an old man....


    ORIGINAL: soapdodger

    1. no way, are you serious?

    2. are you telling me with a body like yours youre still doing gcse's?

    soap




    Very funny.
    Looking well for 18 mate!
    #13
    windymill
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    RE: funny : actual gcse metaphors 2005/07/26 16:00:06 (permalink)
    McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag
    >filled with vegetable soup


    I think that ones quite good
    #14
    soapdodger
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    RE: funny : actual gcse metaphors 2005/07/26 21:21:52 (permalink)
    18?

    FFS steff. youre looking good for 18

    soap
    #15
    MuscleDeaf
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    RE: funny : actual gcse metaphors 2005/07/26 22:43:17 (permalink)
    Brilliant! I've never laughed so much whilst reading MT!

    Just what I needed to cheer me up with this stonking cold I've got right now !

    Cheers

    MD
    #16
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