funny: how to annoy your room mate.
1. Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes
2. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is
3. Twitch a lot.
> 4. Pretend to talk while pretending to be
> 5. Steal a fish tank. Fill it with beer and
> dump sardines in it.
> Talk to them.
> 6. Become a subgenius.
> 7. Inject his/her twinkies with a mixture of
> Dexatrim and MSG.
> 8. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is
> looking away, float
> up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look,
> fall back down and
> 9. Speak in tongues.
> 10. Move your roommate's personal items around.
> Start subtlely.
> Gradually work up to big things, and eventually
> glue everything
> s/he owns to the ceiling.
> 11. Walk and talk backwards.
> 12. Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it
> all. Stack the
> cans in the middle of your room. Number them.
> 13. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play
> with them at
> night. If your roommate says anything, tell
> him/her with a
> straight face, "They're more than meets the
> 14. Recite entire movie scripts (e.g. "The Road
> Warrior," "Repo
> Man," "Casablanca,") almost inaudibly.
> 15. Kill roaches with a monkey wrench while
> playing Wagnerian
> arias on a kazoo. If your roommate complains,
> explain that it is
> for your performance art class (or hit him/her
> with the wrench).
> 16. Collect all your urine in a small jug.
> 17. Chain yourself to your roommate's bed. Get
> him/her to bring
> you food.
> 18. Get a computer. Leave it on when you are
> not using it. Turn
> it off when you are.
> 19. Ask your roommate if your family can move
> in "just for a
> couple of weeks."
> 20. Buy as many back issues of Field and Stream
> as you can.
> Pretend to masturbate while reading them.
> 21. Fake a heart attack. When your roommate
> gets the paramedics
> to come, pretend nothing happened.
> 22. Eat glass.
> 23. Smoke ballpoint pens.
> 24. Smile. All the time.
> 25. Collect dog **** in baby food jars. Sort
> them according to
> what you think the dog ate.
> 26. Burn all your waste paper while eyeing your
> 27. Hide a bunch of potato chips and Ho Hos in
> the bottom of a
> trash can. When you get hungry, root around in
> the trash. Find
> the food, and eat it. If your roommate empties
> the trash before
> you get hungry, demand that s/he reimburse you.
> 28. Leave a declaration of war on your
> roommate's desk. Include a
> list of grievances.
> 29. Paste boogers on the windows in occult
> 30. Shoot rubber bands at your roommate while
> his/her back is
> turned, and then look away quickly.
> 31. Dye all your underwear lime green.
> 32. Spill a lot of beer on his/her bed. Swim.
> 33. Buy three loaves of stale bread. Grow mold
> in the closet.
> 34. Hide your underwear and socks in your
> roommate's closet.
> Accuse him/her of stealing it.
> 35. Remove your door. Ship it to your
> roommate's parents (postage
> 36. Pray to Azlatoth or Zoroaster. Sacrifice
> something nasty.
> 37. Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one
> minute and then
> stand up. Announce that you are going to take a
> shower. Do so.
> Keep this up for three weeks.
> 38. Arrange thirteen toothbrushes of different
> colors on your
> dresser. Refuse to discuss them.
> 39. Paint your half of the room black. Or
> 40. Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep,
> ask questions that
> start with "Didja ever wonder why . . . ?" Be
> 41. Shave one eyebrow.
> 42. Put your mattress underneath your bed.
> Sleep down under there
> and pile your dirty clothes on the empty
> bedframe. If your
> roommate comments, mutter "Gotta save space,"
> twenty times while
> twitching violently.
> 43. Put horseradish in your shoes.
> 44. Shelve all your books with the spines
> facing the wall.
> Complain loudly that you can never find the
> book that you want.
> 45. Always flush the toilet three times.
> 46. Subsist entirely on pickles for a week.
> Vomit often.
> 47. Buy a copy of Frankie Yankovic's
> "Pennsylvania Polka," and
> play it at least 6 hours a day. If your
> roommate complains,
> explain that it's an assignment for your
> primitive cultures
> 48. Give him/her an allowance.
> 49. Listen to radio static.
> 50. Open your window shades before you go to
> sleep each night.
> Close them as soon as you wake up.
> 51. Cry a lot.
> 52. Send secret admirer notes on your
> roommate's email.
> 53. Clip your fingernails and toenails and keep
> them in a baggie.
> Leave the baggie near your computer and snack
> from it while
> studying. If he/she walks by, grab the bag
> close and eye him/her
> 54. Paste used kleenexes to his/her walls.
> 55. Whenever your roommate comes in from the
> shower, lower your
> eyes and giggle to yourself.
> 56. If you get in before your roommate, go to
> sleep in his/her
> 57. Put pornos under his/her bed. Whenever
> someone comes to visit
> your roommate when he or she isn't home, show
> them the magazines.
> 58. Whenever you go to sleep, start jumping on
> your bed . . . do
> so for a while, then jump really high and act
> like you hit your
> head on the ceiling. Crumple onto your bed and
> fake like you were
> knocked out . . . use this method to fall
> asleep every night for
> a month.
> 59. If your roommate goes away for a weekend,
> change the locks.
> 60. Whenever his/her parents call and ask for
> your roommate,
> breathe into the phone for 5 seconds then hang
> 61. Whenever he/she goes to shower, drop
> whatever you're doing,
> grab a towel, and go shower too.
> 62. Find out your roommate's post office box
> code. Open it and
> take his/her mail. Do this for one month. After
> that, send the
> mail to him/her by UPS.
> 63. Collect all of your pencil shavings and
> sprinkle them on the
> 64. Create an imaginary cat for a pet. Talk to
> it every night,
> act like you're holding it, keep a litter box
> under your desk.
> After two weeks, say that your cat is missing.
> Put up signs in
> your dorm, blame your roommate.
> 65. Call your RA or CA whenever your roommate
> turns up his/her
> 66. Follow him/her around on weekends.
> 67. Sit on the floor and talk to the wall.
> 68. Whenever the phone rings, get up and answer
> the door.
> 69. Whenever someone knocks, answer the phone.
> 70. Take his/her underwear. Wear it.
> 71. Whenever your roommate is walking through
> the room, bump into
> 72. Stare at your roommate for five minutes out
> of every hour.
> Don't say anything, just stare.
> 73. Tell your roommate that someone called and
> said that it was
> really important but you can't remember who it
> 74. Let mice loose in his/her room.
> 75. Give each of your walls a different name.
> Whenever you can't
> answer a problem, ask each of your walls. Write
> down their
> responses, then ask your ceiling for the final
> answer. Complain
> to your roommate that you don't trust your
> 76. Take your roommate's papers and hand them
> in as your own.
> 77. Skip to the bathroom.
> 78. Take all of your roommate's furniture and
> build a fort. Guard
> the fort for an entire weekend.
> 79. Gather up a garbage bag full of leaves and
> throw them in a
> pile in his/her room. Jump in them. Comment
> about the beautiful
> 80. When you walk into your room, turn off your
> lights. Turn them
> on when you leave.
> 81. Print up satanic signs and leave them in
> your room where
> he/she can find them.
> 82. Whenever you're on the phone and he/she
> walks in, hang up
> immediately without saying anything and crawl
> under your desk.
> Sit there for two minutes than call whoever it
> was back.
> 83. Insist on writing the entire lyrics to
> American Pie on your
> ceiling above your bed. Sing them every night
> before you go to
> 84. Use a bible as kleenex. Yell at your
> roommate if they say
> Jesus or God Dammit.
> 85. Burn incense.
> 86. Eat moths.
> 87. Buy Sea Monkeys and grow them. Name one
> after your roommate.
> Announce the next day that one died. Name
> another one after your
> roommate. The next day say that it died. Keep
> this up until they
> all die.
> 88. Collect Chia-Pets.
> 89. Refuse to communicate in anything but sign
> 90. Eat a bag of marshmallows before you go to
> bed. The next day,
> spray three bottles of whip cream all over your
> floor. Say you
> got sick.
> 91. Wipe deodorant all over your roommate's
> 92. If you know that he/she is in the room,
> come barging in out
> of breath. Ask if they saw a fat bald naked
> Tibetan man run
> through carrying a hundred dollar bill. Run
> back out swearing.
> 93. Leave apple cores on his/her bed.
> 94. Keep feces in your fridge. Complain that
> there is never
> anything to eat.
> 95. P*ss in a jar and leave it by your bed.
> When your roommate
> isn't looking, replace it with a jar of apple
> juice. Wait until
> your roommate turns around. Drink it.
> 96. Don't ever flush.
> 97. Buy an inflatable doll. Sleep with it.
> 98. Hang stuffed animals with nooses from your
> ceiling. Whenever
> you walk by them mutter, "You shouldn't have
> done that to me."
> 99. Lick him/her while they are asleep.
> 100. Dress in drag.
> 101. Be on the phone 5 hours a day with some
> hussy in Philly.
> 102. Kill a man. Keep him under your bed.
> Pretend he doesn't
> 103. M*sturbate regularly a lot and without
> shame. Tell your
> roommate you feel it should be more socially
> acceptable and you
> are doing your part.
> 104. Try not washing. For a semester.
> 105. Spend a lot of time high.
> 106. Make brown-bag lunches for your roommate
> every morning. Give
> them to him/her before he/she goes to class.
> 107. Every time you enter the room, sit in a
> chair, lean back too
> far, and fall over backwards. Laugh
> hysterically for about ten
> minutes. Then, one day, repeat the falling-over
> exercise, but
> instead of laughing, get up, look at the chair
> sternly, and say,
> "It's not funny anymore."
> 108. Read with a flashlight when the lights are
> on. Pretend to
> read without one when the lights are out,
> remarking every so
> often how great the book is.
> 109. Get a surfboard. Put it on your bed. Stand
> on it, and
> pretend to surf for about fifteen minutes.
> Then, pretend to "wipe
> out," and fall off the bed onto the floor.
> Pretend you are
> drowning until your roommate comes over to
> "rescue" you.
> 110. Keep a hamster as a pet. Buy a blender,
> and make milkshakes
> every day. Then, one day, get rid of the
> hamster. Make a shake
> using a lot of ketchup. When your roommate
> comes in, look at the
> shake, look at the empty cage, and tell your
> roommate, "I was
> 111. Make toast for breakfast every morning,
> but don't plug the
> toaster in. Eat the plain bread, looking at the
> toaster angrily,
> and complain that the toaster doesn't know what
> it's doing. If
> your roommate suggests plugging it in, go on a
> tangent about
> fire-safety hazards.
> 112. Pack up all of your things and tell your
> roommate that
> you're going away to "find yourself." Leave,
> and come back in
> about ten minutes. If your roommate asks,
> explain that you're not
> a hard man to find.
> 113. Never speak to your roommate directly. If
> you need to ask or
> tell him/her something, go to another room and
> call him/her on
> the phone.
> 114. Every night, before you go to bed, beg
> your roommate for a
> glass of water. When he/she brings it, dump it
> on the floor and
> immediately go to sleep. If he/she ever refuses
> to bring you a
> glass of water, lie on the bed and pretend to
> be dying of
> dehydration, making annoying gagging sounds,
> until he/she does
> 115. Every time the phone rings, turn on the
> stereo at full
> volume and begin to violently slam-dance with
> your roommate. If
> he/she asks about it, say, "Oh, that damn
> hypnotist . . . "
> 116. Hang a picture of your roommate on the
> wall. Throw darts at
> it. Smile at your roommate often, saying things
> like, "How nice
> to see you again."
> 117. Get a can of beans. Label them, "Jumping
> beans." Eat them,
> and then jump around the room. Get another can
> of beans. Label
> them, "Dancing beans." Eat them, and then dance
> around the room.
> Get another can of beans. Label them, "Kill
> Your Roommate beans."
> Eat them, smiling at your roommate.
> 118. Every time your roommate falls asleep,
> wait ten minutes, and
> then wake him/her up and say, "It's time to go
> to bed now."
> 119. Insist that your roommate recite the
> "Pledge Of Allegiance"
> with you every morning.
> 120. Recite "Dr. Seuss" books, all the time.
> Eventually, think up
> melodies for the words and sing them, loudly,
> directly to your
> roommate. If he/she tells you to stop, act
> offended and spend the
> day in bed.
> 121. Put up traffic signs around the room. If
> your roommate
> doesn't obey them, give him/her tickets.
> Confiscate something
> your roommate owns until he/she pays the
> 122. Walk, talk, and dress like a cowboy at all
> times. If your
> roommate inquires, tell him/her, "Don't worry
> little buckaroo.
> You'll be safe with me."
> 123. Complain that your elbows, knees, and
> other joints have been
> bothering you. Get a screwdriver, and pretend
> to "fix" them.
> 124. Paint abstract paintings, and title them
> things like,
> "Roommate Dying in a Car Crash," and "Roommate
> Getting Whacked in
> the Head with a Shovel." Comment often about
> how much you love
> the paintings.
> 125. Wear glasses, and complain that you can
> never see anything.
> Bump into walls and doors. Put your clothes on
> backwards. Say,
> "Who's that?" every time your roommate enters
> the room. When
> you're not wearing the glasses, act like you
> can see fine.
> 126. Buy a lava lamp. Stare at it for hours,
> imitating its
> movements with your face. Explain to your
> roommate that you have
> established a connection with the spirit world
> through the lava
> lamp. Tell your roommate that "Grandma said
> 127. Keep empty jars on the shelf. Tell your
> roommate that this
> is your collection of "rare gases." Look at
> them often. One day,
> act surprised and angered, and accuse your
> roommate of having
> released one of the gases. Cover your nose and
> mouth and run out
> of the room.
> 128. Wear scary Halloween masks. Look in the
> mirror and scream
> hysterically for about five minutes every time
> you put one on.
> 129. Rollerskate up and down the hallway. Every
> time you see your
> roommate, crash into him/her and knock him/her
> down. Apologize,
> and say that he/she looked like "the enemy."
> 130. Put headphones on your roommate while
> he/she is sleeping,
> and subliminally teach him/her to speak
> Spanish, play the
> trombone, and memorize all the major imports
> and exports of each
> African nation.
> 131. Stick your head out the window, but forget
> to open it, so
> that your head crashes through the glass. Then
> say, "Silly me,"
> open the window again, and try to stick your
> head through. Act
> like you hit your head on something.
> 132. Dress like a military officer. Insist that
> your roommate
> salute you upon sight. If he/she refuses,
> insist that he/she do
> 100 push-ups. Keep saying things like, "Your
> momma isn't here to
> take care of you any more."
> 133. Keep a collection of teeth in a jar. Act
> excited whenever
> you add to it, and say things like, "In a
> little while I'll have
> enough for that sailboat."
> 134. Get a pet rabbit. At a designated time
> every day, take the
> rabbit into the bathroom and engage in loud
> shouting matches. If
> your roommate inquires, refuse to discuss the
> 135. Spread toothpicks all over the floor.
> Stare at them, acting
> like you're trying to read something. Tell your
> roommate it's a
> message from God, but you're not sure whether
> it's a warning
> about a loved one in danger or a recipe for
> really great chili.
> 136. Insist that you are a vegetarian and
> protest anytime your
> roommate eats meat. Then leave "Slim Jim"
> wrappers on the floor
> and lie on the bed holding your stomach every
> time your roommate
> walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers,
> say you know nothing
> about them.
> 137. Get some hair. Disperse it around your
> roommate's head while
> he/she is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors by
> your bed. Snicker at
> your roommate every morning.
> 138. Every time your roommate walks in yell,
> "Hooray! You're
> back!" as loud as you can and dance around the
> room for five
> minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch
> and saying,
> "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"
> 139. Trash the room when your roommate's not
> around. Then leave
> and wait for your roommate to come back. When
> he/she does, walk
> in and act surprised. Say, "Uh-oh, it looks
> like they were here
> 140. Every time you see your roommate yell,
> "You son of a..." and
> kick him/her in the stomach. Then buy him/her
> some ice cream.
> 141. Set your roommate's bed on fire. Apologize
> and explain that
> you've been watching too much "Beavis &
> Butthead." Do it again.
> Tell him/her that you're not sorry because this
> time, they
> deserved it.
> 142. Put your glasses on before you go to bed.
> Take them off as
> soon as you wake up. If your roommate asks,
> explain that they are
> Magic Dream Glasses. Complain that you've been
> having terrible
> 143. Eat lots of "Lucky Charms." Pick out all
> the yellow moons
> and stockpile them in the closet. If your
> roommate inquires,
> explain that visitors are coming, but you can't
> say anything
> more, or you'll have to face the consequences.
> 144. Set up meetings with your roommate's
> faculty advisor.
> Inquire about his/her academic potential. Take
> lots of notes, and
> then give your roommate a full report. Insist
> that he/she do the
> 145. "Drink" a raw egg for breakfast every
> morning. Explain that
> you are in training. Eat a dozen donuts every
> 146. Every Thursday, pack up everything you own
> and tell your
> roommate you're going home. Come back in an
> hour and explain that
> no one was home. Unpack everything and go to
> 147. Every time you wake up, start yelling,
> "Oh, my God! Where
> the hell am I?!" and run around the room for a
> few minutes. Then
> go back to bed. If your roommate asks, say you
> don't know what
> he/she is talking about.
> 148. Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make
> it bigger every
> day. Look at it and say, "It's spreading, it's
> 149. Buy a McDonald's "Happy Meal" for lunch
> every day. Eat the
> straw and the napkin. Throw everything else
> 150. Buy a plant. Sleep with it at night. Talk
> to it. After a few
> weeks, start to argue with it loudly. Then
> yell, "I can't live in
> the same room with you," storm out of the room
> and slam the door.
> Get rid of the plant, but keep the pot. Refuse
> to discuss the
> plant ever again.
> 151. Buy a Jack-In-The-Box. Every day, turn the
> handle until the
> clown pops out. Scream continuously for twenty
> 152. Hang up pictures of chickens all over the
> room. If your
> roommate eats eggs, yell at him/her and call
> him/her a cannibal.
> 153. Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night.
> While you're
> doing so, look at your roommate and mutter,
> "Soon, soon . . . "
> 154. Lock the door while your roommate is out.
> When he/she comes
> back and tries to unlock it, yell, "Don't come
> in, I'm naked!"
> Keep this up for several hours. When you
> finally let your
> roommate in, immediately take off all of your
> clothes, and ignore
> your roommate.
> 155. Bring in potential "new" roommates from
> around campus. Give
> them tours of the room and the building. Have
> them ask about your
> roommate in front of him/her, and reply, "Oh,
> him/her? He/she
> won't be here much longer."
> 156. If your roommate comes home after
> midnight, hit him/her on
> the head with a rolling pin. Immediately go to
> bed, muttering,
> "Ungrateful little . . . "
> 157. Pile dirty dishes in your roommate's bed.
> Insist that you
> don't know how they got there.
> 158. Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on
> one side of the
> room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the
> room. Laugh at the
> 159. Feign a serious illness for two weeks.
> Have a priest come to
> your room and visit you. Write out a will,
> leaving everything to
> your roommate. One day, miraculously "recover."
> Insist that your
> roommate write out a will, leaving everything
> to you. Every time
> he/she coughs, excitedly say, "Oooh, are you
> 160. Live in the hallway for a month.
> Afterwards, bring all of
> your stuff back into the room and tell your
> roommate, "Okay, your
> 161. Keep a tarantula in a jar for three days.
> Then get rid of
> the tarantula. If your roommate asks, say, "Oh,
> he's around here
> 162. Tell your roommate, "I've got an important
> message for you."
> Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say
> you can't remember
> what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah,
> I remember!"
> Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for
> several weeks.
> 163. Bowl inside the room. Set up tournaments
> with other people
> in the building. Award someone a trophy. If
> your roommate wants
> to bowl too, explain that he/she needs bowling
> 164. Walk backwards all the time. Then pretend
> to trip and hurt
> yourself. Fake an injury and go through a long,
> painful recovery.
> Start walking backwards again.
> 165. While your roommate is out, glue your
> shoes to the ceiling.
> When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor,
> hold your head,
> and moan.
> 166. Explain to your roommate that you're going
> to be housing a
> prospective student in the near future. One
> day, bring in a pig.
> If your roommate protests, hug the pig and tell
> your roommate
> that he/she hurt its feelings. Watch TV with
> the pig, eating lots
> of bacon.
> 167. Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on
> the floor. Ignore
> the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid
> of it, and then
> say, "Hey, where the hell is my sandwich!?"
> Complain loudly that
> you are hungry.
> 168. Punch a hole in the TV. Sit and watch it
> anyway, complaining
> about the poor picture quality.
> 169. Wear a cape. Stand in front of an open
> window for about an
> hour every day. Then, one day, when your
> roommate is gone, go
> outside and lie down underneath the window,
> pretending to be
> hurt, and wait for your roommate to return. The
> next day, start
> standing in front of the window again.
> 170. Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and
> give them names.
> Name one after your roommate. Separate your
> roommate's potato
> from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake
> your roommate's
> potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate,
> "He just didn't