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what makes blokes happy

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DJ_DEMON
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2006/07/12 16:29:23 (permalink)
0

what makes blokes happy


Things that make blokes proud

1. OPENING JARS - She's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it
effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are
men's work.

2. CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to
kids
makes you the man.

3. DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks - camp. A Stuart
Pearce
tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and
crippling the man. Magic.

4. SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it
here
love. No, I don't need a sharpener, I've got a knife thanks!

5. GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and -
as
you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other
rubbish -
noisy destruction.

6. DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your
coat on
and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding
towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone
else
struggles to catch up with you. You're hard.

7. HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.

8. HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an
iron
burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".

9. HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying
they
just whinge. You on the other hand have physical evidence of your
hardness,sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grrrrr, what does it
look
like?

10. NODDING AT COPPERS - A moment's eye contact is all it takes for you
to
share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past",it
says,
"but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".

11. USING POWER TOOLS - Slightly more powerful than you need or can
safely
handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.

12. KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stick
that
Becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.

13. ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE - And everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean
you're popular, it just means your mates are p****d. However, the rest
of
the pub doesn't know that.

14. NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - Fat is a feminist issue,apparently.
Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.

15. CARVING THE ROAST - And saying "are you a leg or breast man?" to
the
blokes and "do you want stuffing?" to the women. Congratulations, you
are
now your dad.

16. WINKING - Turns women to putty, doesn't it?

17. TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - Ideally, BandQ would have little changing
rooms
with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item.
Until
then, we'll make do with the aisles.

18. TAKING OUT £200 FROM A CASHPOINT - Okay, so its for paying the
Plumber
later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing
better is peeling notes off the roll later.

19. PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - Unlike birds, we get
straight to the point. "Alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is
then.
Seven. See ya."

20. PARALLEL PARKING - Bosh, straight in. First time. Can Schumacher do
that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically,
makes
you the worlds best driver.

21. HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled
in
the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand
there
in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut
while
the other nurses a foaming jug of ale.Aaaah.

22. HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - Especially if you didn't
make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".

23. KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "A Phillips? For that? Are you
mad, bint?"

#1

31 Replies Related Threads

    USA DEALS
    Bobbytrickster
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    RE: what makes blokes happy 2006/07/12 16:31:36 (permalink)
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    Lmao, i can relate to those

    #2
    OTTO
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    RE: what makes blokes happy 2006/07/12 16:32:33 (permalink)
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    Lol I enjoy going to the tip, now I know why.
    #3
    cold steel
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    RE: what makes blokes happy 2006/07/12 16:38:02 (permalink)
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    I actually laughed out loud to some of them because they're so true!!
    #4
    m12_shakes
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    RE: what makes blokes happy 2006/07/12 16:38:19 (permalink)
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    pure class!!!

    Regards,
    m12
     

     
    #5
    Big_Ad
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    RE: what makes blokes happy 2006/07/12 16:39:01 (permalink)
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    LMFAO.

    Those are good, I like!
    #6
    supermick
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    RE: what makes blokes happy 2006/07/12 16:40:04 (permalink)
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    24. boobs.

    i like that list.
    #7
    lradford
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    RE: what makes blokes happy 2006/07/12 16:42:40 (permalink)
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    flmao. Great
    #8
    northern35s
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    RE: what makes blokes happy 2006/07/12 17:07:02 (permalink)
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    Class, very funny, had to email the list to a load of mates
    #9
    dirtyvest
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    RE: what makes blokes happy 2006/07/12 17:13:30 (permalink)
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    Yes, I like. Very funny
    #10
    DEAD_WEIGHT
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    RE: what makes blokes happy 2006/07/12 17:16:37 (permalink)
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    Quality
    #11
    drab4
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    RE: what makes blokes happy 2006/07/12 17:17:50 (permalink)
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    Good list and mostly true

    Especially calling police "son"

    Ha

    Also pat them on the head when you can, they love that

    #12
    _GM_
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    RE: what makes blokes happy 2006/07/12 17:17:59 (permalink)
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    i like use of the word "bint" in number 23 lols
    #13
    chrisellison
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    RE: what makes blokes happy 2006/07/12 18:07:32 (permalink)
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    Absolute class mate...
    #14
    Venom
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    RE: what makes blokes happy 2006/07/12 18:19:47 (permalink)
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    Haven't laughed so much in years, the hammer swinging and screwdriver one were classics.
    #15
    claire amber
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    RE: what makes blokes happy 2006/07/12 18:23:03 (permalink)
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    'What makes blokes happy' Getting their own way and sulking when they don't ???
    #16
    cu3ed
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    RE: what makes blokes happy 2006/07/12 18:44:44 (permalink)
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    PMSL, brilliant list.
    #17
    SteroidMan
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    RE: what makes blokes happy 2006/07/12 19:55:48 (permalink)
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    ORIGINAL: claire amber

    'What makes blokes happy' Getting their own way and sulking when they don't ???



    Hmmm i always thought that was women
    #18
    Colossus
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    RE: what makes blokes happy 2006/07/12 20:15:29 (permalink)
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    Great
    #19
    fastpotato
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    RE: what makes blokes happy 2006/07/12 20:24:09 (permalink)
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    good stuff
    #20
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